Master these subtle linguistic shifts that successful communicators use to command respect and build trust—without ever sounding like the person everyone avoids at parties.
Ever walked away from a conversation wondering if you came across as confident or just plain cocky?
You're not alone. I've been there countless times, especially in my mid-20s when I was desperately trying to find my voice. Back then, I'd swing between shrinking into the background and overcompensating with false bravado that made me cringe later.
The truth is, there's a sweet spot between confident communication and arrogance. And believe it or not, it often comes down to the specific words we choose.
After years of studying communication, practicing vulnerability in my writing, and learning from countless awkward conversations, I've discovered that certain words naturally project quiet confidence without crossing into arrogant territory.
Today, I'm sharing eight simple words that can transform how others perceive you. These aren't magic bullets, but when used authentically, they signal self-assurance while keeping your ego in check.
1. Perhaps
This word changed everything for me.
Instead of stubbornly insisting you're right or dismissing other viewpoints, "perhaps" shows you're confident enough to consider alternatives. It's the difference between "You're wrong about that" and "Perhaps there's another way to look at it."
When I worked in that Melbourne warehouse shifting TVs, my supervisor once told me I was stacking them wrong. My first instinct was to defend myself. But instead, I said, "Perhaps you could show me the better way?" That simple shift opened up a productive conversation rather than a confrontation.
"Perhaps" demonstrates intellectual confidence. You're secure enough to entertain different ideas without feeling threatened. It shows you don't need to be right all the time to feel valuable.
Try using it in your next debate or disagreement. Watch how it changes the dynamic of the conversation.
2. Actually
When used sparingly and appropriately, "actually" can be incredibly powerful.
It allows you to correct misconceptions or add valuable information without sounding like a know-it-all. The key is in the delivery and context.
"Actually, I've worked on something similar before" sounds confident and helpful, not boastful.
In my book Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego, I discuss how Buddhist philosophy teaches us to share knowledge without attachment to being seen as the expert. "Actually" embodies this principle when used mindfully.
The word works because it's direct without being aggressive. It signals you have something valuable to contribute while leaving room for others to share their perspectives too.
3. Curious
Want to disagree without starting a fight? Lead with curiosity.
"I'm curious about your perspective on this" or "I'm curious how you arrived at that conclusion" shows genuine interest while maintaining your own position. It's confident because it demonstrates you're secure enough to explore opposing views.
This word has saved me from countless unproductive arguments. Instead of immediately pushing back when someone says something I disagree with, expressing curiosity keeps the conversation flowing.
It also makes you more likeable. People appreciate when you show genuine interest in their thoughts, even if you ultimately disagree.
4. Consider
"Have you considered..." is one of the most elegant ways to introduce a different viewpoint.
Unlike "You should" or "You need to," the word "consider" respects the other person's autonomy while confidently presenting your ideas. It suggests rather than demands.
I learned this lesson the hard way. Years ago, I'd constantly tell friends what they should do with their problems. It came from a good place, but it often felt pushy. Now I ask, "Have you considered trying meditation?" instead of "You should really meditate."
The shift is subtle but powerful. It positions you as someone offering valuable input rather than someone trying to control the situation.
5. Appreciate
Confident people acknowledge others without feeling diminished themselves.
"I appreciate your perspective" or "I appreciate you taking the time" shows emotional maturity and security. You're not threatened by recognizing someone else's contribution.
During my struggle with social anxiety, I discovered that expressing appreciation actually made me feel more confident, not less. It shifted my focus from protecting my ego to creating genuine connections.
Appreciation also defuses tension. Even when disagreeing, starting with "I appreciate where you're coming from, and..." sets a collaborative tone rather than a combative one.
6. Understand
"I understand" might be the most underrated confidence phrase out there.
It doesn't mean you agree. It means you're confident enough to see someone else's viewpoint without losing your own. "I understand why you feel that way" validates others while maintaining your position.
This word became crucial when I realized that listening is often more valuable than having the right answer. True confidence isn't about winning every discussion; it's about understanding the full picture.
In my exploration of Buddhist teachings for Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego, I learned that understanding others is a form of strength, not weakness. It takes confidence to truly listen and comprehend different perspectives.
7. Choose
This word puts you in the driver's seat of your life.
"I choose to focus on the positive" or "I choose to see it differently" demonstrates agency and self-assurance. You're not a victim of circumstances; you're actively making decisions.
When I felt lost and anxious despite doing everything "right" by conventional standards, learning to frame things as choices was transformative. Instead of "I have to work late," I started saying "I choose to work late because this project matters to me."
The word "choose" signals to others that you're intentional about your actions and thoughts. It's confident without being aggressive because it's about your own decisions, not imposing on others.
8. Yet
Small word, massive impact.
"I don't know how to do that yet" versus "I don't know how to do that." The addition of "yet" shows growth mindset and quiet confidence that you can learn and improve.
This word embodies the idea that emotional intelligence and other skills are learnable, not innate traits. You're confident enough to admit current limitations while signaling future capability.
I use "yet" constantly. "I haven't mastered public speaking yet." "I don't understand that concept yet." It acknowledges reality while keeping the door open for growth.
Final words
These eight words won't magically transform you overnight. But they will shift how you communicate in subtle, powerful ways.
The real secret? These words work because they come from a place of genuine confidence rather than insecurity masquerading as strength. They acknowledge your worth while respecting others. They show you're secure enough to be curious, flexible, and growth-oriented.
Start with one or two words that resonate with you. Notice how they change your conversations. Pay attention to how people respond differently.
Remember, true confidence isn't about dominating conversations or always being right. It's about being comfortable with who you are while remaining open to growth and connection.
The most confident people I know rarely need to announce their confidence. Their words do it for them, quietly and effectively. Now yours can too.
