From "wives should always have dinner ready" to "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free," these common phrases from the over-70 crowd reveal just how dramatically our ideas about love, partnership, and marriage have transformed—and why their well-meaning advice often feels like it's beamed in from another planet.
Picture this: You're at a family gathering, and your partner's grandmother pulls you aside to share her "wisdom" about keeping a marriage strong. Within five minutes, she's told you that wives should always have dinner ready when their husbands come home, and that "a little jealousy keeps the romance alive."
You smile politely, but inside you're thinking: Did she just time-travel here from 1955?
We've all been there. Conversations with older generations about relationships can feel like stepping into a different universe, one where the rules we live by today simply didn't exist. And while there's certainly wisdom to be found in their experiences, some of their relationship advice reveals just how much the world has changed.
After countless conversations with people over 70 (including my own relatives who never miss a chance to share their thoughts), I've noticed certain phrases that come up again and again. These aren't necessarily wrong perspectives, but they definitely highlight the generational divide in how we view love, partnership, and commitment.
Let's explore eight things I've heard that instantly transport me to a different era.
1. "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?"
This gem usually comes up when discussing couples who live together before marriage. The underlying message? That moving in together (especially for women) somehow diminishes your "value" or reduces the likelihood of marriage.
My partner Marcus and I lived together for two years before getting engaged, and let me tell you, it was one of the smartest decisions we made. We learned each other's quirks, figured out how to navigate household responsibilities, and discovered whether we were truly compatible in the day-to-day grind.
The idea that cohabitation is somehow giving away something for free completely misses the point of modern relationships. We're not transactions. We're partners exploring whether we want to build a life together.
2. "The man should always be the provider"
I once had an elderly neighbor tell me she felt sorry for Marcus because I sometimes pick up the check at restaurants. She genuinely couldn't understand why he'd "allow" that.
This mindset assumes relationships follow a strict economic model where men earn and women nurture. But what about couples where the woman earns more? What about same-sex couples? What about partnerships where both people contribute financially and domestically?
When I left my finance career to pursue writing, there were months when Marcus carried more of our financial load. Now that my writing career has taken off, sometimes I contribute more. It's called partnership, not scorekeeping.
3. "A good wife never goes to bed angry"
The intention behind this advice is sweet: resolve conflicts quickly. But the execution? Sometimes absolutely terrible.
Have you ever tried to solve a complex relationship issue at 11 PM when you're both exhausted and emotional? It rarely goes well. Sometimes the best thing you can do is sleep on it, let your emotions settle, and approach the conversation with a clearer head in the morning.
Forcing resolution when you're not ready often leads to saying things you don't mean or agreeing to solutions that don't actually work. Healthy relationships aren't about never going to bed angry; they're about knowing when to pause and when to push through.
4. "Marriage is supposed to be hard work"
Whenever I hear this, I wonder what definition of "hard work" we're using. Yes, relationships require effort, communication, and compromise. But should they feel like constant, exhausting labor? Absolutely not.
Many people over 70 stayed in unhappy marriages because divorce was stigmatized, especially for women who often had limited financial independence. When they say marriage is hard work, they might be normalizing relationships that were genuinely difficult or even unhealthy.
Modern relationships should feel like teamwork, not a daily battle. If your partnership constantly feels like you're pushing a boulder uphill, that's not normal "hard work." That's a sign something needs to change.
5. "You should have kids by 30 or it gets risky"
This one particularly gets under my skin. Not only does it pressure people into major life decisions based on arbitrary timelines, but it also ignores advances in reproductive medicine and the many paths to parenthood available today.
I'm in my forties, and while Marcus and I have chosen not to have children, many of my friends had healthy pregnancies and babies well into their late thirties and early forties. Others chose adoption, surrogacy, or decided parenthood wasn't for them at all.
The idea that there's a universal timeline for major life decisions belongs in the past, along with the notion that having children is mandatory for a fulfilling life.
6. "Keep some mystery in the relationship"
Translation: Don't let your partner see you without makeup, don't discuss bodily functions, and definitely maintain separate bathrooms if possible.
While everyone deserves privacy and personal space, the idea that you need to maintain an air of mystery with your life partner seems exhausting. Real intimacy comes from being fully yourself with someone, not from carefully curating which parts of yourself you reveal.
Marcus has seen me after my long trail runs, sweaty and covered in mud. We've nursed each other through stomach bugs. We talk about everything from our deepest fears to our most mundane observations. That's not killing the mystery; that's building genuine connection.
7. "Divorce means failure"
This perspective has kept countless people trapped in relationships that no longer serve them. The older generation often views divorce as a moral failing or a sign that someone didn't try hard enough.
But what if we reframed it? What if divorce sometimes means success? Success at recognizing when something isn't working. Success at choosing your wellbeing. Success at giving both people the chance to find happiness elsewhere.
My relationship in my late twenties ended because we wanted fundamentally different things. He couldn't handle my career ambitions, and I couldn't shrink myself to fit his expectations. That wasn't failure; it was growth.
8. "The wife should take the husband's name"
Recently, a family friend in her seventies was genuinely confused when she learned I kept my last name after marriage. She asked Marcus if it bothered him, as if my name choice was somehow his decision to make.
This assumption reveals how deeply ingrained traditional gender roles remain for many older people. The idea that a woman's identity should automatically merge into her husband's upon marriage feels antiquated when we consider modern partnerships as unions of equals.
Final thoughts
These generational differences in relationship perspectives aren't just amusing dinner conversation fodder. They represent fundamental shifts in how we view partnership, equality, and individual autonomy within relationships.
While I deeply respect the experiences of older generations and the challenges they faced, I'm grateful we've moved beyond many of these limiting beliefs. Today's relationships can be more flexible, equal, and authentic because we've challenged these old scripts.
Next time you hear relationship advice that sounds like it's from another era, remember: you get to write your own rules. Take what serves you, leave what doesn't, and create a partnership that works for your actual life, not the one someone else imagined for you fifty years ago.
