People who feel more lonely when surrounded by people usually have these 7 personality traits (without realizing it)

We've all heard the conventional wisdom. If you're feeling lonely, just get out there and socialize. Surround yourself with people at parties, networking events, or even casual coffee meetups, and the isolation will melt away.

It's a myth that's been peddled by self-help gurus, social media influencers, and even well-meaning friends for years.

But here's the uncomfortable truth.

For many, being in a crowd doesn't cure loneliness. It amplifies it. The real key to connection isn't quantity. It's quality. It's about finding those rare souls who truly see you, understand the depths of your inner world, and don't demand you perform some polished version of yourself.

And let's be honest, those people are incredibly hard to find in our fast-paced, surface-level society.

I was reflecting on this deeply after my recent conversation with Rudá Iandê, the world-renowned Brazilian shaman whose wisdom I've admired for over a decade. Rudá, with his over 30 years of experience in shamanic traditions from the Amazon Rainforest, isn't just a guide. He's a close friend and collaborator through our platform, The Vessel, where we've hosted his transformative masterclasses and shared interviews that challenge the illusions of modern spirituality.

In our latest chat, we dove into the chaos of human emotions, the traps of forced positivity, and why true connection starts with embracing our wholeness—flaws, shadows, and all. Rudá is one of those rare individuals around whom I've never felt lonely. His presence invites authenticity, not performance.

As we spoke about deconstructing the myths that keep us isolated even in crowds, it struck me how certain personality traits often underlie this paradoxical loneliness.

These aren't flaws. They're strengths that make shallow interactions feel draining.

If you find yourself feeling more alone in a room full of people, you might recognize these traits in yourself, often without realizing their role. They weave together in subtle ways, layering empathy with introspection, skepticism with a quest for purpose, all pointing toward a deeper truth about human connection.

Consider how profound empathy plays into this. People who feel lonelier amid crowds are often highly empathetic, absorbing the emotions of others like a sponge. This allows for deep, meaningful bonds when connections are genuine, but in noisy, superficial environments, it becomes a burden. You're not just hearing words. You're feeling unspoken tensions, hidden insecurities, and collective unease. This empathy ties into our primal instincts, making us hyper-aware of mismatches between what's said and what's felt. It's why a party full of small talk can leave you exhausted and isolated. You're craving the depth that someone like Rudá embodies in his shamanic teachings.

Rudá touches on this when discussing the weight of societal structures. "We have nature that is wild, unpredictable," he said in our interview. "We came from apes. We have primal emotions and instinct within which are amazing... And at the same time, we are in relationship with the world that's not only the natural world anymore." His words highlight how this empathy connects us to something raw and untamed inside, yet clashes with the fabricated social world around us. If you've ever walked away from a gathering feeling more drained than before, it's likely this trait at work, pulling you toward authenticity while the crowd pushes performance.

This empathy often blends seamlessly with a rejection of forced positivity and surface-level vibes. In a world obsessed with "good vibes only," those who feel lonelier in groups sense the inauthenticity in plastered smiles and scripted conversations. It heightens their isolation because they understand that true connection requires embracing the full spectrum of emotions, not just the shiny ones. Forcing positivity ignores the chaos of life, leaving empathetic souls feeling unseen.

As Rudá provocatively put it, "Positivity, it's heavy. It's very heavy, such a burden... You have a challenge ahead of you. You must think positive... but you must also consider what can go wrong." He's right. Repressing negativity isn't strength—it's a trap that exhausts us. In crowds where everyone performs happiness, you feel the disconnect because you're wired for honesty. This rejection isn't cynicism. It's a call for depth, much like the patterns I've observed in exploring why some people thrive while others burn out in lifestyle choices, as I wrote about in my article on hidden psychological patterns in the vegan community here.

Building on that, deep introspection naturally emerges as another layer. These individuals constantly process their inner world and seek conversations that mirror that depth. Crowds buzz with trivia—weather, work complaints, or weekend plans—leaving no room for philosophical or vulnerable exchanges. Superficial chit-chat feels like a barrier, amplifying loneliness because your mind yearns for substance.

Rudá's own journey reflects this introspective pull. He shared how his book was a rite of passage: "It's the book that I wrote to the world, but also I wrote it to myself. It was my way to back my personal journey and do something productive with that." This kind of self-reflection is what makes Rudá such a grounding presence. Our collaborations, like the interviews on living with purpose, always dive beneath the surface. If you're like this, it transitions into a healthy skepticism toward societal myths, like the perfect life showcased on Instagram or the idea that more friends equal less loneliness. You see through these illusions, which makes fitting into group dynamics challenging. Crowds reinforce these myths, leaving you feeling like an outsider.

Rudá captures this perfectly: "Open your Instagram feed and everybody's happy. Shows us a kind of human that just doesn't exist." As a shaman who's guided thousands through deconstructing spiritual traps, Rudá has shaped my view on questioning these narratives. This skepticism protects your authenticity but can isolate you in environments where conformity reigns. It echoes themes I've explored in reclaiming mental space, as in my piece on cognitive sovereignty, where breaking free from external noise is essential.

From there, valuing authenticity over social approval becomes inevitable. You prioritize being real over being liked, which means you're less inclined to play social games. In groups, this shows as quiet observation rather than forced participation, leading to disconnection when others seek validation through performance. Rudá's dedication to ayahuasca in his book speaks to this raw truth-seeking: "There is nothing very particular, very special about ayahuasca... it shows you who you are, what you are, what is within yourself." His influence has helped me embrace imperfection. Around Rudá, authenticity flows naturally, dissolving loneliness.

This valuing of realness ties into emotional depth that demands reciprocal vulnerability. With a rich inner landscape, you seek mutual openness. Superficial interactions skim the surface, leaving your deeper self untouched and heightening isolation. Rudá urges embracing emotions like anger and fear: "Can you really tell that fear is negative, anger is negative... They are just part of who we are. They're so sacred." This perspective, honed through his shamanic experiences, has helped me integrate my own shadows. In crowds, the lack of reciprocity amplifies loneliness, as your depth goes unrecognized. It's similar to the emotional navigation I discussed in staying true amid life's changes, in my article on fluid integrity.

Finally, all these traits culminate in a quiet quest for purpose amid chaos. You view life as a laboratory for growth, not a checklist of achievements. Crowds can feel chaotic and purposeless, clashing with your inner drive. Rudá encapsulates this: "Laughing in the face of chaos is basically a method... to survive certain struggles and save our sanity... We can connect with something deep inside." Through our shared work on The Vessel, including his masterclasses that expand on breaking free from conditioning, Rudá positions purpose as belonging to oneself first.

Here's the profound insight that ties it all together: these traits aren't the cause of your loneliness—they're signals of your capacity for profound connection. In a world that rewards superficiality, feeling alone in crowds is a wake-up call to curate your circle intentionally. It's not about fixing yourself. It's about embracing your wholeness, as Rudá teaches, and seeking those who do the same. This paradox reveals that true belonging starts within, not in the noise outside. If you've felt this, know it's a strength leading to richer bonds. Dive into Rudá's book or his teachings on The Vessel to explore further. The chaos might not vanish, but laughing at it opens doors to the connections you crave.