If you still feel guilty for taking up space, saying no, or asking for help, these 8 childhood experiences probably explain why

Do you ever feel guilty for simply existing, for saying no, or even asking for help? It's not your fault, really. These feelings can often be traced back to certain childhood experiences.

Understand this - you're not alone. Many of us carry these guilt-laden habits from our formative years, and they tend to dictate our adult behaviours.

In this article, we'll explore 8 childhood experiences that may explain why you feel this way. Unmasking these experiences can help liberate you from these debilitating guilt patterns. So buckle up, it's time to dissect your past and reclaim your present.

1) Conditional love

Growing up, did you only receive affection or praise when you achieved something? This is a form of conditional love.

Conditional love can lead to a feeling of guilt when you're not fulfilling a certain role or meeting specific expectations. You may have been applauded for your achievements, but what about times when you made mistakes or simply needed help?

This childhood experience can often translate into adulthood as the feeling of guilt for taking up space, saying no, or asking for help. You might feel like you're not worthy unless you're constantly achieving or pleasing others.

Recognizing this pattern is the first step towards breaking free from it. You are worthy, just by being you, not because of what you do.

2) High expectations

I can still remember the days when my parents' high expectations hung heavily over me. They wanted me to excel in everything - academics, sports, arts, you name it.

Their intentions were good. They wanted me to succeed. But the constant push to be the 'best' led to a feeling of never being good enough. I started equating my self-worth with my achievements.

As I stepped into adulthood, this translated into guilt for taking up space or asking for help. I felt like I was supposed to handle everything on my own because that's what I was conditioned to believe - that I had to be the best, and asking for help was a sign of weakness.

But over time, I've learned that it's okay to ask for help. It's okay not to be perfect. It doesn't make me any less worthy or capable.

3) Excessive criticism

When children grow up in an environment where they're constantly criticized, they often develop a critical inner voice that follows them into adulthood.

A study revealed that individuals who were excessively criticized as children tend to engage in higher levels of self-criticism later in life. This self-critical inner voice usually results in feelings of guilt when asserting one's needs or taking up space.

Recognizing and challenging this inner critic can significantly help in mitigating these feelings of guilt. Remember, it's okay to make mistakes and learn from them; it's part of growing and evolving as a person.

4) Emotional neglect

Did you grow up feeling unseen, unheard, or dismissed? This is known as emotional neglect.

When your emotions are consistently dismissed or invalidated during childhood, you learn to suppress them. You may even internalize the message that your feelings are unimportant or a burden to others.

This can result in feeling guilty for expressing emotions, asserting boundaries, or asking for help in adulthood.

Remember, your emotions are valid and you have every right to express them. It's okay to ask for support when you need it - it's not a sign of weakness but a testament of your strength and self-awareness.

5) The role of the caregiver

Sometimes, children find themselves in the role of a caregiver. This could be due to circumstances like an ill parent, a sibling with special needs, or a family crisis.

This role reversal can lead to children feeling guilty for their own needs or for taking up space. They learn to prioritize others' needs over their own, and this pattern can continue into adulthood.

If you've been in this situation, understand that it's okay to put yourself first sometimes. Taking care of your own needs isn't selfish, it's essential. You deserve care and attention too. It's okay to ask for help when you need it and to take up space - you're just as important as anyone else.

6) Bullying

I remember the school years as a challenging time. I was bullied for being 'different'. I had different interests, different ways of expressing myself, and that made me an easy target.

The constant bullying led me to believe that something was wrong with me. I started feeling guilty for simply being myself. This guilt extended to taking up space, saying no, or asking for help. I felt like I was always in the way, always wrong.

But as I grew older, I understood that it wasn't about me, but about them - their insecurities, their fear of difference. It took time, but I learned to stand up for myself and ask for help when needed. And most importantly, I learned that it's okay to be different, to take up space, and to be myself.

7) Disapproval of vulnerability

In some families, showing vulnerability is seen as a sign of weakness. Expressing emotions like sadness, fear or even asking for help can be met with disapproval or dismissal.

As a result, children in these situations learn to hide their emotions and struggles. They often carry this into adulthood, feeling guilty for expressing vulnerability or asking for help.

However, it's important to remember that vulnerability isn't a weakness; it's a strength. It's okay to express your emotions and ask for help when you need it. Everyone has moments of vulnerability and it's part of being human.

8) Lack of autonomy

Growing up in an environment where your choices are constantly decided for you can lead to feelings of guilt when asserting your own wants and needs later in life.

The most crucial thing to remember is this: Your wants and needs matter. It's not only okay but necessary to assert your autonomy, take up space, and ask for help when you need it. You have the right to make choices about your own life.