If you heard these 10 phrases as a child, you grew up with a family that didn’t support you emotionally

There's a significant gap between growing up in a family that showers you with emotional support and one that doesn't.

The difference often boils down to words. Hearing certain phrases as a child from unsupportive families can impact your self-esteem and emotional health.

In contrast, growing up in an emotionally supportive household nurtures your sense of self-worth, even when you're being corrected or guided.

Unfortunately, not everyone is lucky enough to have experienced the latter. But don't worry, I've got your back. I've compiled a list of 10 phrases that indicate you may not have received the emotional support you needed as a child.

1) "You're too sensitive"

One of the most common phrases heard by children from emotionally unsupportive families is "You're too sensitive".

This phrase is often used to dismiss a child's feelings or emotions, suggesting that their reactions are overblown or unnecessary.

Imagine being a child, trying to navigate the world and your place in it. You're learning, growing, and experiencing emotions that you may not fully understand yet. And when you express these emotions, you're told that you're too sensitive.

This can be incredibly damaging. It implies that there's something wrong with feeling deeply or reacting strongly. It sends a message that your feelings are invalid or unimportant.

Even worse, it can lead to a habit of suppressing emotions, which can carry over into adulthood and impact relationships and mental health.

If "You're too sensitive" was a common phrase in your childhood, you might have grown up in an emotionally unsupportive family. Recognizing this is the first step toward healing and learning to validate your own emotions.

2) "Stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about"

This phrase strikes a personal chord with me. I remember being a kid, hearing this from my parents whenever I was upset.

The message behind it is clear: stop expressing your emotions or face a consequence. It's a threat designed to silence emotional expression, and it worked on me. As a child, I quickly learned that showing my emotions could lead to punishment.

This phrase taught me that my feelings were not only unimportant but also potentially dangerous. I started bottling up my emotions, hiding my tears, and putting on a brave face even when I was hurting inside.

Growing up with this kind of emotional suppression can lead to difficulty in expressing feelings in adulthood. For me, it took years of therapy and self-reflection to unlearn these harmful lessons and to understand the importance of expressing my emotions in a healthy way.

If you heard "Stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about" as a child, chances are you grew up in an emotionally unsupportive environment too. But remember, it's never too late to learn healthier ways of dealing with emotions.

3) "I don't have time for this"

"I don't have time for this" is another phrase that can indicate a lack of emotional support. When a parent or caregiver uses this phrase, it suggests that the child's emotional needs are seen as burdensome or inconvenient.

Indeed, research has shown that children who regularly hear this phrase may feel neglected and start to believe that their feelings are less important than other aspects of life.

Over time, they might stop sharing their feelings altogether to avoid being a burden, causing them to grow into adults who struggle with expressing their emotions and building healthy relationships.

It's crucial for children to feel that they can turn to their parents or caregivers for emotional support. If they're constantly met with "I don't have time for this", it can be a sign of an emotionally unsupportive upbringing.

4) "Because I said so"

The phrase "Because I said so" has been uttered by many parents in moments of frustration. However, overuse of this phrase can signal a lack of emotional support.

When a child questions or challenges something, it's a sign of their growing curiosity and understanding of the world. Using "Because I said so" as a blanket response can shut down this inquisitiveness and invalidate their feelings or doubts.

Moreover, it sends a message that their thoughts and viewpoints don't matter as much as obedience. This can lead to self-esteem issues and difficulty in voicing out opinions later in life.

Growing up hearing "Because I said so" more often than not could mean you were raised in an emotionally unsupportive environment. Recognizing this is an essential step towards understanding and healing.

5) "You're just like your [parent]"

This phrase, "You're just like your [parent]", can be incredibly harmful, especially if it's said in a negative context. It's often used as a way to criticize or belittle a child, comparing their actions or behaviors to those of a parent in a disparaging way.

The problem with this phrase is that it can make a child feel as though they're doomed to repeat the mistakes of their parents. It doesn't leave room for individuality or growth; instead, it pigeonholes them into a pre-determined role.

Moreover, it places the burden of adult issues onto the child, which can lead to feelings of guilt and self-blame.

If you frequently heard "You're just like your [parent]" growing up, it might be an indication that your family was not as emotionally supportive as they could have been. Recognizing this can help you understand and come to terms with your childhood experiences.

6) "Don't be a baby"

Hearing "Don't be a baby" can be incredibly hurtful to a child. This phrase is often used to belittle a child's feelings or reactions, suggesting that they're immature or inappropriate.

When a child hears this, they might feel that their emotions are wrong or something to be ashamed of. It can make them feel as though they need to grow up faster and suppress their natural emotional responses.

This can lead to an adulthood where expressing emotions is seen as a sign of weakness, which can negatively impact relationships and overall mental health.

If you often heard "Don't be a baby" as a child, it could mean that your family didn't provide the emotional support you needed. But remember, it's never too late to learn that your emotions are valid and expressing them, regardless of age, is perfectly normal.

7) "Why can't you be more like your sibling?"

Growing up, I often heard the phrase "Why can't you be more like your sibling?" Each time, it felt like a punch to the gut.

This form of comparison is not only hurtful but can also create a sense of rivalry and resentment between siblings. It sends a message that one child's attributes are more desirable or valuable than the other's.

More so, it can make a child feel as though they're not good enough as they are, leading to potential self-esteem issues that can carry over into adulthood.

Hearing "Why can't you be more like your sibling?" repeatedly as a child could indicate that you were raised in an emotionally unsupportive environment. Recognizing this can help in processing and healing from these childhood experiences.

8) "I'm doing this for your own good"

The phrase "I'm doing this for your own good" might initially sound like it comes from a place of care. However, when regularly used to justify harsh or dismissive behavior, it can be a sign of emotional neglect.

The issue with this phrase is that it can be used to dismiss a child's feelings or pain, making them feel as though their suffering is necessary or even beneficial. This can cause confusion and self-doubt, leading to a lack of trust in their own emotions and perceptions.

If you frequently heard "I'm doing this for your own good" growing up, it could suggest that you were raised in an emotionally unsupportive environment. Recognizing this is important in understanding and overcoming the emotional patterns formed during childhood.

9) "You'll understand when you're older"

This phrase, "You'll understand when you're older", is often used to dismiss a child's concerns, fears, or questions. Instead of addressing their emotional needs or providing clarity, it puts off the conversation to an unspecified future date.

While it's true that some concepts are too complex for a child to fully grasp, regularly using this phrase can make a child feel that their emotions or thoughts are not worthy of attention now. This can lead to feelings of frustration and insignificance.

If "You'll understand when you're older" was a common phrase in your childhood, it could be a sign that your family didn't provide the emotional support you needed. Identifying this can help you understand and heal from your past experiences.

10) "You always/never do that"

The phrases "You always do that" or "You never do that" are absolute statements that can be detrimental to a child's emotional development. They tend to overgeneralize behavior, ignoring the nuances and complexities of a child's actions and feelings.

These phrases can make a child feel misunderstood or unfairly judged, leading to self-doubt and low self-esteem. They may start to believe these absolute statements about themselves, which can impact their sense of self-worth and identity.

Remember, no one is defined by a single action or behavior. If you frequently heard "You always/never do that" growing up, be assured that it says more about the emotional capacity of the person who said it than about you.