Discover how a reformed overthinker who once turned a birthday dinner into an unsolicited veganism lecture learned to dial down the caring without becoming a jerk—and why your 2 AM worry sessions might just need a scheduled time slot.
Ever catch yourself lying awake at 2 AM, replaying that awkward thing you said at lunch? Or checking your phone every five minutes to see if someone responded to your message?
Yeah, me too.
A few years back, I was that guy who cared way too much about everything. Every interaction felt like a test. Every decision seemed monumental. I'd spend hours crafting the perfect response to a casual email. My friend's birthday dinner? I turned it into a lecture about veganism that nobody asked for. The looks on their faces still haunt me sometimes.
But here's what I've learned: caring too much doesn't make you more successful, more liked, or more anything. It just makes you exhausted.
The sweet spot isn't about not caring at all. It's about caring about the right things in the right amounts. Think of it like a volume dial - you're not turning it off, just finding the perfect level where you can actually hear the music.
1. Set a worry window
Remember when you were a kid and had designated times for things? Snack time, nap time, play time?
Well, who says we can't do that with worry?
Pick 15 minutes each day - mine's at 4 PM with my afternoon coffee - and that's your official worry time. Something bothering you at 10 AM? Write it down and save it for later. By the time 4 PM rolls around, half the stuff on your list won't even matter anymore.
The brain is funny like that. When you give it permission to worry later, it often forgets what it was so worked up about.
2. Master the art of the shrug
Not everything needs a response. Not every comment needs a comeback. Sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is shrug and move on.
Someone doesn't like your choice of career? Shrug.
Your Instagram post got fewer likes than usual? Shrug.
A stranger on the internet disagrees with you? Big shrug.
I've mentioned this before but the shrug isn't about being dismissive or rude. It's about recognizing that not every opinion deserves real estate in your head.
3. Create your "not my problem" list
What things are genuinely not your responsibility?
Other people's opinions about your life choices. Your coworker's bad mood. Whether your neighbor approves of your garden. The success or failure of people who don't want your help.
Write these down. Look at them often. Remind yourself that the weight of the world isn't actually on your shoulders - you just picked up a bunch of stuff that wasn't yours to carry.
4. Practice selective availability
Your phone doesn't own you. Your email doesn't own you. Other people's expectations definitely don't own you.
Turn off notifications for everything except true emergencies. Check messages at set times. Let calls go to voicemail when you're in the middle of something.
Being constantly available isn't a badge of honor. It's a recipe for burnout.
5. Embrace good enough
Perfection is overrated and underdelivered.
That email you've been rewriting for 20 minutes? The first version was probably fine. The outfit you changed three times? The original was great. The project you keep tweaking? It was ready to ship yesterday.
As Voltaire supposedly said, "Perfect is the enemy of good." Though honestly, even if he didn't say it, the point stands.
Good enough gets things done. Perfect keeps you stuck.
6. Stop explaining yourself so much
"No" is a complete sentence. So is "I can't make it" and "That doesn't work for me."
You don't owe anyone a dissertation on why you made a certain choice. The constant need to justify ourselves comes from caring too much about being understood and approved of.
Most people aren't thinking about your decisions nearly as much as you think they are. They're too busy overthinking their own.
7. Unfollow liberally
Social media should add to your life, not subtract from it.
If someone's posts consistently make you feel bad, inadequate, or angry - unfollow them. It doesn't matter if they're your second cousin or your college roommate. Your peace matters more than social obligations.
I maintain a social media presence without obsession by being ruthless about what I let into my feed. Quality over quantity, always.
8. Learn the power of "let me think about it"
Instant responses often come from a place of people-pleasing or pressure.
When someone asks you to do something, take a beat. "Let me think about it and get back to you" gives you space to actually consider if this aligns with your priorities.
Most things aren't as urgent as they seem in the moment. Creating that buffer helps you make decisions from a place of intention rather than reaction.
9. Stop keeping score
Who texted first? Who paid last time? Who's putting in more effort?
Keeping score in relationships is exhausting and ultimately pointless. If you're constantly tallying who did what, you're missing the actual point of connection.
Focus on whether the relationship feels good overall. Does it add to your life? Great, keep it. Does it consistently drain you? Maybe it's time to reassess.
10. Remember that most things are reversible
That job you're agonizing over taking? You can quit if it sucks.
The haircut you're nervous about? It grows back.
The decision you're losing sleep over? You can probably change course later.
We act like every choice is carved in stone when most are written in pencil. Understanding this takes the pressure off and lets you actually make decisions instead of staying paralyzed by what-ifs.
Wrapping up
Here's what three years of caring way too much taught me: the people who matter don't require your constant performance, and the people who require your constant performance don't matter.
Protecting your peace isn't selfish. It's necessary. You can't pour from an empty cup, and you definitely can't pour when you're too busy worrying about the color of the cup, whether people like your cup, and if you're holding it the right way.
Start small. Pick one thing from this list and try it for a week. Notice how it feels to care just a little bit less about something that probably didn't deserve that much mental energy anyway.
Your future self will thank you. And if they don't? Well, shrug.
What’s Your Plant-Powered Archetype?
Ever wonder what your everyday habits say about your deeper purpose—and how they ripple out to impact the planet?
This 90-second quiz reveals the plant-powered role you’re here to play, and the tiny shift that makes it even more powerful.
12 fun questions. Instant results. Surprisingly accurate.
