8 things classy women never do in public, no matter how casual the setting

Ever notice how some women just seem to carry themselves differently? They walk into a room and command respect without saying a word. They handle awkward situations with grace that makes you wonder, "How does she do that?"

I've been fascinated by this phenomenon ever since moving to Vietnam and watching my wife navigate between two cultures seamlessly. She taught me that true class isn't about designer bags or perfect makeup—it's about how you treat yourself and others, especially when no one's watching.

After years of observing, reading, and yes, making my own social blunders, I've noticed there are certain things genuinely classy women simply don't do in public. These aren't rigid rules from some outdated etiquette manual. They're subtle behaviors that separate those who understand genuine elegance from those still figuring it out.

Let's explore what sets these women apart.

1. They never air their dirty laundry

We've all been there. You're at a coffee shop, and suddenly you're an unwilling audience to someone's relationship drama via speakerphone. Or worse, you're stuck next to someone at a restaurant loudly discussing their partner's shortcomings.

Classy women understand that personal problems deserve personal spaces. They don't use public venues as therapy sessions or turn their friends into unwilling marriage counselors during brunch.

This doesn't mean they bottle everything up. They simply choose the right time and place for vulnerable conversations. A quiet corner with a trusted friend? Absolutely. The middle of a crowded subway? Never.

The Vietnamese café culture taught me something valuable about this. People sit for hours over coffee, but intimate conversations happen in hushed tones. There's a respect for shared spaces that we often forget in our tell-all culture.

2. They don't gossip about others

Here's something interesting I discovered while writing my book, Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego. Buddhist teachings emphasize "right speech," which includes avoiding gossip. Turns out, this ancient wisdom perfectly captures what makes someone truly classy.

Classy women resist the temptation to bond over someone else's misfortune or mistakes. When conversation turns to gossip, they redirect it or simply excuse themselves. They understand that talking about people who aren't present to defend themselves says more about the gossiper than the subject.

Think about it—have you ever left a gossip session feeling genuinely good about yourself? There's always that slightly dirty feeling afterward, like you've participated in something beneath you.

3. They never treat service staff poorly

Want to know someone's true character? Watch how they treat the waiter, the barista, or the retail worker.

Classy women treat everyone with equal respect, whether they're talking to a CEO or someone cleaning tables. They make eye contact, say please and thank you genuinely, and never snap their fingers or raise their voice to get attention.

I learned this lesson the hard way during a dinner with my wife's extended family. Watching how they treated restaurant staff with such warmth and respect, even when orders were wrong, showed me what genuine class looks like. It's not about being a pushover—it's about maintaining your dignity while respecting others'.

4. They don't constantly check their phones

Remember when being present was the default, not the exception?

Classy women haven't forgotten. They keep their phones tucked away during meals, conversations, and social gatherings. When they're with you, they're actually with you—not mentally scrolling through Instagram while nodding along to your story.

This isn't about being anti-technology. It's about understanding that constantly checking your phone sends a clear message: "Whatever's on this screen is more important than you." And that's never classy.

They also avoid the public phone argument. You know the one—where everyone within a three-block radius becomes an unwilling participant in someone's relationship drama.

5. They never overshare on social media while in public

We've all seen it. Someone posing for the perfect selfie at a memorial site. The person livestreaming their entire concert experience instead of actually watching it. The constant documentation that turns every moment into content.

Classy women understand that not every moment needs to be captured, filtered, and shared. They're not the ones blocking walkways for the perfect shot or turning every meal into a photoshoot.

When they do share, it's thoughtful and considerate of those around them. They've mastered the art of being present first, posting second.

6. They don't dress inappropriately for the occasion

This isn't about being prudish or following arbitrary fashion rules. It's about understanding context and showing respect for the situation you're in.

Classy women read the room. They wouldn't wear a cocktail dress to a casual barbecue any more than they'd show up to a wedding in ripped jeans. They understand that dressing appropriately shows respect for the host, the occasion, and themselves.

In my book, Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego, I discuss how mindfulness extends to every aspect of our lives. Being mindful about how we present ourselves in different contexts is part of that awareness.

7. They never lose their temper publicly

Life's frustrating. Flights get delayed. Orders get messed up. People cut in line.

But classy women have mastered the art of keeping their cool when things go wrong. They don't throw tantrums at customer service desks or create scenes when inconvenienced. They understand that losing your temper in public rarely solves the problem and always diminishes your dignity.

This doesn't mean being a doormat. They assert themselves when necessary, but with calm confidence rather than explosive anger. They've learned that you can be firm without being cruel, assertive without being aggressive.

8. They don't compete or compare publicly

Ever been in a conversation that feels more like a tennis match of one-upmanship? Someone shares good news, and suddenly everyone's competing to share something better?

Classy women opt out of these games. They celebrate others' successes without immediately pivoting to their own achievements. They don't feel the need to publicly compare their relationships, careers, or lifestyles with others.

When someone shares their excitement about a promotion, they don't immediately counter with their own career wins. When a friend gushes about their partner, they don't feel compelled to prove their relationship is better.

They understand that someone else's light doesn't dim their own.

Final words

True class isn't about perfection or putting on airs. It's about moving through the world with awareness, respect, and genuine consideration for others.

These behaviors aren't about following rules for the sake of it. They're about understanding that how we conduct ourselves in public spaces affects not just our own reputation, but the comfort and experience of everyone around us.

The most elegant thing about truly classy women? They make it look effortless because for them, it's not an act. It's simply who they are.

And here's the beautiful thing—class isn't something you're born with. It's something you cultivate through conscious choices, one interaction at a time.