While their words may be sweet and their demeanor pleasant, psychology reveals that genuine dislike often leaks through in subtle ways—from hollow smiles to convenient disappearances—that your gut instincts are already picking up on.
Have you ever walked away from a conversation feeling unsettled, even though the person was perfectly pleasant to your face?
We've all been there. Someone smiles, says all the right things, maybe even compliments you, but something feels off. You can't quite put your finger on it, but your gut tells you this person isn't genuinely fond of you, despite their friendly facade.
During my years as a financial analyst, I learned to read between the lines in more than just spreadsheets. Human behavior follows patterns too, and psychology backs up what our instincts often whisper: not everyone who acts kind actually likes us. The tricky part? These signs are often so subtle we dismiss them or blame ourselves for being paranoid.
But you're not paranoid. Sometimes people maintain a pleasant exterior while harboring less-than-positive feelings, whether due to workplace politics, social obligations, or simply wanting to avoid confrontation. Learning to spot these subtle signs isn't about becoming cynical; it's about protecting your energy and investing in relationships that are genuinely reciprocal.
Let's explore eight psychological tells that someone might be putting on an act.
1. Their smiles never quite reach their eyes
You know that feeling when someone smiles at you, but their eyes stay cold? Psychologists call this a "non-Duchenne smile" - a fake smile that only engages the mouth muscles, not the ones around the eyes.
When someone genuinely likes you, their whole face lights up. The corners of their eyes crinkle, creating those little crow's feet we get when we're truly happy. But when someone's just going through the motions, only their mouth moves. The eyes stay flat, almost watchful.
I remember noticing this with a colleague who always greeted me warmly in the hallways. Perfect smile, friendly wave, but her eyes? They told a completely different story. Trust that instinct when you feel like someone's smile is more performance than genuine warmth.
2. They subtly compete with everything you share
Ever notice how some people can't let you have a win? You mention a promotion, and they immediately bring up their recent raise. You share about your weekend hiking trip, and suddenly they're talking about their more challenging mountain climb.
Psychology calls this "social comparison theory," and while we all compare ourselves to others sometimes, people who don't genuinely like you often can't help but one-up you constantly. They might frame it as "relating" to your experience, but there's a difference between genuine connection and competitive undermining.
I had to end a friendship with someone who did exactly this. Every achievement I shared became a launching pad for their supposedly bigger accomplishment. Every struggle I mentioned was met with their worse problem. It wasn't support; it was a constant, exhausting competition I never signed up for.
3. Their body language contradicts their words
Words lie, but bodies rarely do. Someone might say they're "so happy to see you!" while their feet point toward the exit, their arms cross defensively, or they physically lean away from you.
Research in nonverbal communication shows that when our true feelings conflict with what we're saying, our body language typically reveals the truth. Watch for closed-off postures, minimal eye contact, or that subtle step backward when you approach. These micro-movements happen unconsciously and speak volumes.
4. They never initiate contact or plans
Think about your interactions with this person. Are you always the one reaching out? Do they respond when you text but never start conversations themselves?
While some people are naturally less proactive about maintaining friendships, there's usually a noticeable pattern when someone doesn't actually like you. They'll respond to keep up appearances, but they won't invest effort in sustaining the relationship. Their responses might be polite but brief, closing down conversation rather than encouraging it.
After leaving my finance career, this pattern revealed which colleagues were genuine friends versus those who were just being professionally courteous. The real friends kept reaching out; the others? Radio silence unless I initiated.
5. They share your secrets but keep theirs locked tight
Here's a particularly sneaky sign: they remember everything you tell them in confidence but somehow it gets back to others, often twisted or taken out of context. Meanwhile, they reveal nothing meaningful about themselves.
This asymmetrical sharing creates a power imbalance. They gather information about you while remaining emotionally distant. Psychologists recognize this as a form of social manipulation - maintaining the appearance of friendship while using your vulnerability against you.
If you notice your private conversations becoming public knowledge while this person remains an enigma, that's not friendship. That's information gathering disguised as kindness.
6. Their compliments feel backhanded
"You're so brave to wear that!"
"I could never pull off being that relaxed about deadlines."
"You're lucky you don't care what people think."
Backhanded compliments are criticism dressed in friendly clothing. Psychology research on passive-aggressive behavior shows that people who dislike you but can't express it directly often resort to these veiled insults. They maintain plausible deniability ("I was just complimenting you!") while making you feel small.
These comments are designed to plant seeds of self-doubt while allowing the speaker to appear supportive. If someone's compliments consistently leave you feeling worse about yourself, trust that feeling.
7. They're suddenly busy when you need support
Notice who shows up when you're struggling versus when you're celebrating. People who don't genuinely like you might appear for the good times (especially if there's social visibility involved) but become mysteriously unavailable during your challenging moments.
They'll have perfectly reasonable excuses each time, making you feel petty for noticing the pattern. But patterns don't lie. Genuine friends make time when you need them, even if it's just a quick check-in text.
8. They gossip to you about mutual friends
If someone regularly shares negative stories about mutual friends with you, especially while maintaining friendliness with those same people, you're likely getting the same treatment behind your back.
This behavior serves two purposes: it makes you feel like you're in their inner circle (you're not), and it gives them cover for their two-faced behavior. After all, they're confiding in you, right? Wrong. They're showing you exactly how they operate when you're not around.
Final thoughts
Recognizing these signs isn't about becoming suspicious of everyone's motives. It's about honoring your instincts and investing your energy wisely. That unsettled feeling you get around certain people? It's your subconscious picking up on these subtle cues.
Not everyone needs to like you, and that's perfectly okay. What matters is surrounding yourself with people whose kindness is genuine, whose friendship is authentic, and whose presence adds value to your life rather than draining it.
Trust your gut, pay attention to patterns, and remember: you deserve relationships where the warmth you feel is real, not just a well-rehearsed performance.
