7 things you swore you'd never do as a parent until you became one yourself

Remember when you were younger, watching parents negotiate with their toddlers in the grocery store, thinking "I'll never bribe my kid with screen time"?

I used to be that person. The one with all the opinions about parenting despite having zero kids of my own. And while I ultimately chose a different path, my years of observing friends, family members, and yes, even strangers in public spaces, have taught me something profound: parenting theory and parenting reality are two completely different universes.

Through countless conversations with exhausted parents who once had ironclad rules about organic food and educational toys, I've compiled this list of promises that rarely survive first contact with actual children. These aren't failures. They're adaptations. They're what happens when idealism meets a screaming three-year-old at 2 AM.

1. Using screen time as a babysitter

"My kids will play with wooden toys and read books, not stare at tablets all day."

Sound familiar? Every parent I know said this. And every single one of them has, at some point, handed their child a phone to get through a doctor's appointment, finish an important call, or just drink their coffee while it's still warm.

A friend once told me she'd prepared an entire speech about screen time limits before her first was born. Fast forward two years, and she's discovered that Bluey is the only thing standing between her and complete mental breakdown during her morning work calls. "Judge me all you want," she said, "but that cartoon dog has saved my career."

The truth is, technology isn't the enemy we thought it would be. Used mindfully, it can be educational, entertaining, and yes, sanity-saving. The key word there is mindfully, not never.

2. Bribing your kids

Before kids: "I'll use logical reasoning and natural consequences to guide behavior."
After kids: "If you put your shoes on right now, you can have a cookie in the car."

Bribery feels wrong until you realize it's basically just incentive-based motivation, which adults use constantly. We work for paychecks, exercise for endorphins, and clean our houses because company is coming over.

One parent shared how she swore she'd never use food as a reward because her own mother did that. Then came the day she needed her four-year-old to cooperate for family photos. Twenty minutes of reasoning got nowhere. One promise of ice cream afterward? Magical cooperation.

3. Letting them eat chicken nuggets for the fifth day in a row

Your pre-parent self probably imagined preparing balanced, colorful meals that your children would eagerly consume while discussing their favorite vegetables.

Reality check: Kids can survive on air and stubbornness for surprisingly long periods, and sometimes chicken nuggets are the only protein they'll accept. One dad told me his son ate nothing but mac and cheese for three months straight. The pediatrician's response? "At least he's eating."

Growing up with parents who emphasized education and achievement, I thought good parenting meant doing everything "right." But watching friends navigate picky eaters taught me that fed is best, even if fed means the same beige food on repeat.

4. Losing your temper

"I'll always remain calm and speak in a gentle voice."

Then your toddler dumps an entire container of glitter on your laptop keyboard while maintaining eye contact, and suddenly you're yelling about respect and consequences like you swore you never would.

Every parent I know has had moments they're not proud of. Moments where exhaustion, frustration, and the relentless demands of small humans push them past their breaking point. One mom described it perfectly: "I became the exact person I judged in Target five years ago."

The important part isn't being perfect. It's apologizing when you mess up, showing your kids that adults make mistakes too, and that repairing relationships after conflict is possible.

5. Using the TV as a distraction while you cook dinner

Pre-kids, you probably thought parents who used TV during dinner prep were lazy. Post-kids, you realize it's either that or risk second-degree burns while a toddler clings to your leg demanding to help with the hot stove.

A colleague once confessed that her "screen-free household" plan lasted exactly until she needed to make her first meal with a baby who'd just learned to crawl. "It was Sesame Street or the emergency room," she laughed. "Elmo won."

Sometimes survival trumps ideals, and that's okay. Perfect parenting standards are usually set by people who've never tried to chop vegetables while a small person attempts to scale their body like a jungle gym.

6. Saying "because I said so"

You promised yourself you'd always explain things logically, respecting your child's intelligence and curiosity. You'd never resort to that authoritarian phrase your own parents used.

But then you find yourself in hour three of "why" questions. Why is the sky blue leads to why do molecules scatter light leads to why does light have wavelengths, and suddenly you're in quantum physics territory with someone who can't tie their shoes yet.

"Because I said so" isn't about disrespecting your child's curiosity. Sometimes it's about preserving what's left of your mental bandwidth after answering 847 questions before noon.

7. Letting them wear the same outfit three days straight

Remember thinking you'd dress your kids in those adorable coordinated outfits you see on Instagram? That your children would be clean, matching, and photo-ready at all times?

Then you meet a strong-willed three-year-old who insists on wearing a Batman costume to grocery stores, restaurants, and grandma's house. For a month straight. In July.

One friend fought this battle until her pediatrician asked, "Is this really the hill you want to die on?" She realized that letting her daughter wear a tutu over snow pants to preschool wasn't going to ruin her future. If anything, it was teaching her about autonomy and self-expression.

Final thoughts

Here's what I've learned from watching idealistic pre-parents transform into realistic actual parents: those promises we make before kids aren't stupid or naive. They come from a place of love and wanting to do right by these small humans we're responsible for.

But parenting isn't about perfection. It's about adaptation. It's about learning that sometimes good enough really is good enough, a lesson I've had to learn in my own life when dealing with perfectionism.

The parents who thrive aren't the ones who stick rigidly to their pre-kid principles. They're the ones who can laugh at themselves when they catch themselves doing exactly what they swore they wouldn't. They're the ones who recognize that changing your approach based on reality isn't failure. It's wisdom.

So to all the parents out there who've broken every promise they made to their pre-parent selves: you're doing great. Your kids won't remember the screen time or the chicken nuggets. They'll remember that you showed up, even when showing up meant letting go of who you thought you'd be as a parent.