8 types of toxic people you should remove from your circle immediately

I used to think being kind meant giving everyone endless chances. That if I was patient enough, understanding enough, or forgiving enough, people would eventually treat me better.

But what I learned — painfully, over many years — is that keeping toxic people in your life doesn’t make you a good person. It makes you a drained one.

True compassion sometimes means walking away. Because when you stop tolerating toxicity, you create space for genuine connection — the kind that uplifts you rather than empties you.

Below are eight types of toxic people you should remove from your circle immediately — or at least, set strong boundaries with. I’ve met every one of them, and I promise: life gets lighter once they’re gone.

1. The chronic critic

There’s a difference between feedback and fault-finding.

The chronic critic isn’t trying to help you grow — they’re trying to shrink you. No matter what you do, it’s never quite good enough. Your job, your clothes, your choices, your relationships — everything becomes fair game for their commentary.

I once had a friend who would “joke” about my ambitions, saying things like, “Well, not everyone can be an online philosopher, Lachlan.”
At first, I laughed it off. But over time, I realized his jokes weren’t lighthearted — they were laced with envy and subtle contempt.

Psychology says constant criticism is often a projection of insecurity. People tear others down to feel temporarily taller.

The fix: Step back. Critics rarely change because their ego depends on superiority. Protect your peace and stop trying to earn approval from someone who enjoys withholding it.

2. The emotional leech

We all go through hard times. But emotional leeches turn every interaction into a therapy session — for them.

You could be celebrating a personal win, and somehow the conversation loops back to their problems. They drain your empathy like a bottomless cup. You leave every hangout feeling tired, not inspired.

I used to think my empathy was infinite. Then I realized: empathy without boundaries becomes self-destruction.

Buddhist psychology teaches the principle of equanimity — caring deeply without clinging to other people’s suffering. You can be kind without absorbing their chaos.

The fix: Don’t be their permanent emotional battery. Be kind, but not available 24/7. Compassion isn’t martyrdom.

3. The manipulator

Manipulators are experts at twisting facts, guilt-tripping, and rewriting history. They’ll make you question your own memory just to gain control.

You’ll notice it when you start apologizing for things that weren’t your fault, or when every disagreement ends with you feeling guilty, confused, or “crazy.”

I once worked with someone like this. Whenever I confronted him about broken promises, he’d respond with lines like, “You’re so sensitive,” or “I thought we already talked about this — maybe you forgot.”

Classic gaslighting.

Psychology says manipulators exploit your empathy and desire to keep the peace. They rely on your hesitation to be confrontational.

The fix: Document conversations, set firm boundaries, and when necessary — walk away. You can’t win with a manipulator because the game is designed for you to lose.

4. The one-upper

No matter what you’ve done, they’ve done it better. You ran 10km? They ran a marathon. You got a promotion? They got two. You finally learned to cook? They’ve been a home chef for years.

On the surface, one-uppers seem harmless — just competitive. But over time, their constant need to outshine you erodes genuine friendship.

Years ago, I had a friend who’d immediately hijack any story I shared. I’d talk about an article that went viral, and he’d counter with how his content “performed even better” (it didn’t).

It wasn’t about connection. It was about domination.

The fix: Call them out gently — “Hey, I just wanted to share, not compare.” If that doesn’t land, distance yourself. True friends celebrate you; they don’t compete with you.

5. The victim

We all play the victim occasionally — it’s human. But some people make it their identity.

Nothing is ever their fault. Life, fate, their boss, their parents, their ex — someone else is always to blame. They don’t want solutions; they want sympathy on repeat.

What’s dangerous about victims is that they subtly recruit you into their narrative. You become the “rescuer,” trying to fix what they refuse to take responsibility for.

I learned this lesson with a friend who constantly complained about his relationships. Every breakup was “bad luck” or “crazy women.” After years of hearing the same story, I realized — he didn’t want growth; he wanted pity.

Chronic victimhood often stems from learned helplessness — the belief that nothing you do can change your situation. But staying around it too long can pull you into the same energy.

The fix: Refuse to play rescuer. Offer empathy once, then step back. Let people own their patterns.

6. The gossip

Gossipers thrive on other people’s misfortunes. They disguise it as “just chatting,” but behind every whisper lies a subtle pleasure in tearing others down.

When someone gossips to you, it feels like a bonding moment. But remember: if they gossip to you, they gossip about you.

I once had a colleague who always had the latest “inside scoop” — who was dating who, who was getting fired, who had fallen out. It felt thrilling… until I realized she was saying the same about me behind my back.

Buddhism calls this Right Speech — speaking truthfully, kindly, and only when necessary. Gossip breaks all three rules.

The fix: Don’t reward gossip with attention. Redirect or end the conversation. Silence, in this case, is powerful.

7. The drama magnet

Some people carry chaos like perfume — everywhere they go, drama follows.

There’s always an argument, a feud, a betrayal. They live in constant emotional turbulence and expect you to get caught in the storm.

Drama magnets often mistake intensity for intimacy. They equate constant conflict with deep connection. But as I learned in my 20s — when I dated someone like this — intensity isn’t love. It’s emotional addiction.

Drama can activate dopamine and cortisol, creating a chemical cycle that feels addictive. Some people literally don’t know how to exist without emotional chaos.

The fix: Stay calm. Don’t get pulled into their storms. Protect your inner peace like sacred ground. Drama only survives where it’s fed.

8. The fake supporter

This one hurts the most because they pretend to care.

They clap for you publicly but roll their eyes privately. They say “I’m so happy for you!” — but something about it feels hollow. You can sense the envy under the praise.

A fake supporter might subtly downplay your wins: “That’s great, but are you sure it’s sustainable?” or “You’re lucky — not everyone gets those breaks.”

I’ve met people like this in the online world — smiles on the surface, resentment underneath. And here’s what I learned: genuine support has warmth. It feels expansive, not guarded.

The fix: Trust your intuition. If someone’s energy feels off, it usually is. Surround yourself with people whose joy in your success feels pure.

A personal reflection

Letting go of toxic people isn’t easy. It triggers guilt, nostalgia, and the fear of being alone. But what I discovered is that loneliness surrounded by toxicity feels far worse than solitude filled with peace.

When I finally started distancing myself from the people who drained me — the critic, the manipulator, the gossip — I noticed something unexpected: I began to attract calm, emotionally mature people. My conversations became lighter, deeper, more nourishing.

That’s because energy attracts energy. When you protect your peace, you stop being a magnet for chaos.

A mindful approach to letting go

Before you cut someone off completely, take a mindful pause. Ask yourself:

• Does this person add peace or chaos to my life?

• Do I feel safe being fully myself around them?

• Do they respect my boundaries, even when it’s inconvenient?

• After spending time with them, do I feel energized or depleted?

If the answers consistently point toward depletion, it’s time to act — calmly, not reactively. You don’t need to announce it. You can quietly reduce contact, invest your energy elsewhere, and let distance do the work.

Remember: silence is a boundary too.

The truth about boundaries

Many people fear setting boundaries because they don’t want to seem cold or unkind. But boundaries aren’t walls — they’re doors. They let the right people in and keep the wrong ones out.

As the Buddha taught, “You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.”

Removing toxic people isn’t cruelty — it’s self-respect.

Final thought

Your circle determines your atmosphere. If you spend time with people who gossip, criticize, or manipulate, your peace will always be at risk.

But when you curate your circle — when you choose friends who are grounded, authentic, and kind — your whole life changes. You sleep better. You laugh more. You stop doubting yourself so much.

You realize that peace isn’t something you find in meditation or mindfulness alone — it’s also found in who you share your coffee with, who you text back, and who you allow to sit at your table.

Sometimes, the most powerful act of self-love is walking away — quietly, confidently, and without apology.