8 small talk phrases that instantly make people light up when you first meet them

For many of us, small talk feels like a chore. It can seem shallow, awkward, even pointless. But here’s the thing: small talk isn’t really about the words—it’s about connection.

The right phrase, said with genuine warmth, can open doors. It can take an ordinary first encounter and turn it into the beginning of real rapport.

Over the years, whether through psychology, mindfulness, or just being curious about people, I’ve learned that certain phrases make others light up. They signal interest, kindness, and openness—all things people crave when meeting someone new.

Here are eight small talk phrases that can instantly change the energy when you first meet someone.

1. “That’s a great question—what made you ask it?”

Most people go through conversations on autopilot. When you pause to acknowledge their curiosity, you make them feel seen.

By following up with “what made you ask it?”, you invite them to share more about themselves. It shows you’re not just answering—you’re engaging.

I’ve used this phrase in countless first meetings. People almost always smile, lean in, and share something personal. It makes them feel their curiosity matters.

2. “I’d love to hear your story—how did you end up here?”

Everyone has a story, but very few people get asked to tell it. This phrase sparks intrigue because it invites them to share the journey behind the present moment.

It works whether you’re at a networking event, sitting next to someone on a plane, or meeting a friend of a friend. You’re signaling: I’m genuinely interested in you, not just surface details.

Psychology research shows that storytelling deepens social bonds. By asking for someone’s story, you’re creating the space for connection right away.

3. “What’s been the highlight of your week so far?”

Instead of the tired “How are you?” or “What do you do?”, this phrase gives people something uplifting to share. It nudges them toward positive reflection.

The beauty is, it works in almost any context. Whether they talk about something big or small, you’ve shifted the conversation toward joy.

I remember asking this to someone I’d just met at a café in Singapore. She lit up talking about a book she’d finished. By the end of our chat, we had swapped recommendations and built a genuine connection—all because of one small phrase.

4. “That’s really interesting—tell me more about it.”

So simple, but so powerful. Most people crave someone who actually listens. This phrase signals you’re not just politely nodding—you’re engaged.

It’s especially effective in small talk because it keeps the ball rolling without forcing you to come up with the “perfect” next question. You’re simply encouraging them to expand on what they’ve already said.

The result? They feel valued. And when people feel valued, they light up.

5. “You know what I admire about that?”

Compliments are nice, but admiration goes deeper. When you point out something you admire—whether it’s their perspective, their courage, or their humor—you affirm their character.

This phrase is especially impactful because it’s unexpected. People aren’t used to admiration being voiced in casual small talk, so when it happens, it feels refreshing.

Just be sure it’s genuine. Authentic admiration creates warmth; flattery creates suspicion.

6. “Has anything surprised you about this place/event/job?”

Surprise is a fascinating emotion. By asking this question, you invite people to share fresh observations, which often leads to lively conversation.

It works particularly well in new settings—conferences, trips, first days on the job. Instead of a standard question, you’re giving them permission to reflect out loud.

I’ve used this at events in Vietnam and Singapore, and it always gets people to smile and open up. They start talking not just about the place but about their perspective, which makes the chat instantly more personal.

7. “What do you usually do for fun when you’re not [at work/at events/etc.]?”

This phrase shifts focus from roles to passions. Instead of defining people by what they do, you’re asking about what they love.

It gives them the chance to talk about hobbies, interests, or passions they rarely share in small talk. And when people talk about what lights them up, they naturally radiate enthusiasm.

That enthusiasm is contagious—it changes the whole energy of the conversation.

8. “I’m really glad we met.”

Ending small talk on this note leaves a lasting impression. It’s simple, sincere, and makes the other person feel appreciated.

You’re signaling that the interaction mattered to you—that it wasn’t just transactional. And that affirmation often makes people walk away smiling.

It’s a reminder that even brief encounters can carry meaning.

Why these phrases work

It’s not just about the words—it’s about what they signal:

• Curiosity: You care about their perspective.

• Validation: You recognize their worth.

• Positivity: You guide the conversation toward uplifting ground.

• Presence: You’re not rushing—you’re engaged in the moment.

Psychology research shows that small talk, when done well, boosts happiness and creates a sense of belonging. These phrases help you move past the awkwardness and into genuine connection.

My personal reflection

I used to dread small talk. As an introvert, I wanted to skip to the meaningful part of the conversation. But over time, I realized small talk doesn’t have to be empty—it can be the doorway to depth.

Now, when I meet someone new, I treat small talk as a practice in mindfulness. Instead of trying to impress, I try to be curious. Instead of filling silence, I try to be present.

And I’ve noticed that when I use phrases like the ones above, people light up—not because of me, but because they feel seen. And in the end, that’s what we’re all longing for.

Final thought

Small talk gets a bad reputation, but it’s really just the opening lines of connection. The difference between an awkward exchange and a meaningful one often comes down to a single phrase.

If you want people to light up when you first meet them, try these eight. Not as tricks, but as genuine invitations to connect.

Because when you meet someone with curiosity and kindness, even the smallest conversation can leave a big impression.