You know you're just surviving (not thriving) when these 9 behaviors become your normal

Some seasons of life feel like they slip past you in a blur.

You’re going through the motions, handling responsibilities, replying to messages, doing what needs to be done. On paper, everything looks fine.

But inside, something feels muted. Dimmed. Like you’re living your life on a lower volume than you’re meant to.

I’ve had moments where I suddenly wake up in the middle of a weekday and think, How long have I just been getting by like this? When did I stop feeling like myself?

Surviving mode is sneaky. It doesn’t always arrive with dramatic breakdowns or giant wake-up calls.

More often, it creeps in through small habits and subtle shifts you don’t immediately notice. These behaviors slip into your routine and slowly become your normal.

But they’re far from normal for a thriving life.

If any part of you has wondered whether you’re living with true presence and energy, or simply trudging along, these nine signs can help you get honest with yourself.

Let’s take a deeper look.

1) You numb out instead of tuning in

At the end of a long day, it’s incredibly easy to slip straight into autopilot. Maybe you scroll your phone without really absorbing anything.

Maybe you snack even when you’re not hungry. Maybe you binge a show, not because it excites you, but because it keeps you from thinking too much.

This used to show up for me as working late even when I didn’t need to.

I’d stare at spreadsheets long past the point of productivity because numbers felt simpler than feelings. It was a way to stay busy without being present.

Numbing doesn’t always look like a dramatic escape.

It can be subtle and quiet. It’s anything you use to soften or silence the internal noise when the real issue needs your attention.

Tuning in is vulnerable. But numbing out slowly disconnects you from yourself. And that’s the hallmark of surviving, not thriving.

2) You constantly feel like you’re trying to catch up

You wake up already feeling behind. You move through your day with an underlying sense that you need to be doing more.

Even when you tick things off your list, the relief doesn’t last. There’s always something else waiting, tugging at your attention.

This is less about having too much to do and more about experiencing life from a place of depletion.

When your emotional or physical reserves are low, even a manageable life can feel overwhelming.

Thriving has an entirely different rhythm. You feel grounded instead of rushed. You act with intention instead of reacting out of urgency.

Even when you’re busy, you don’t have that frantic energy buzzing through your system.

If you feel like you’re living in a constant race that no one else seems to be running, it’s a good sign you’re in survival mode.

3) You say you’re fine but feel disconnected underneath

“I’m fine.”
It rolls off the tongue so easily, doesn’t it?

But sometimes, fine is just a placeholder. A protective buffer. A way of avoiding the deeper truth because you don’t have the capacity to explain it or even name it.

When you’re surviving instead of thriving, you often drift into emotional disconnection.

You stop fully checking in with yourself. You stop sharing honestly with others.

You go through the motions of conversations, showing the right reactions at the right moments, but something inside feels muted or far away.

You might smile, work, socialize, and fulfill your responsibilities, yet still feel oddly detached from your own life.

Thriving requires emotional presence. Surviving often relies on emotional distance, because feeling everything might be too much.

4) Small tasks feel heavier than they should

There was a period, back when I was still in finance, when answering a simple email felt just as draining as tackling a major analytical project.

The imbalance didn’t make sense to me at the time. How could something so small feel so exhausting?

A friend eventually said something that clicked. When your inner resources are depleted, everything feels heavy.

Survival mode has this effect. Tasks that used to be easy start to feel monumental. You procrastinate things that you know would take only a few minutes.

You write to-do lists and then avoid them. You stare at a task, unable to start, even though you know you should.

This isn’t laziness. It’s overwhelm. And overwhelm is often a sign you’re running on fumes.

5) You feel less joy in the things that once lit you up

Joy fades so quietly that you often don’t realize it’s happening until you suddenly notice it’s gone.

Maybe you used to cook elaborate plant-based meals and experiment with fun ingredients, but now you only reach for whatever is easiest.

Maybe you used to love trail running, but your running shoes have gathered dust. Maybe your favorite music no longer moves you, or your hobbies feel more like chores.

When you’re just surviving, your nervous system shifts into conservation mode. Pleasure starts to feel like something you don’t have energy for.

Excitement feels far away. Everything becomes about getting through the day rather than enjoying any part of it.

Thriving expands your capacity for joy. Surviving shrinks it.

If life feels muted, it’s worth paying attention.

6) You avoid making decisions

When you’re in a good place, decisions feel easier. Even if the choice is tough, you have a sense of inner direction. You trust yourself.

But when you’re in survival mode, even small decisions feel like risks.

They drain you. They weigh on you. You avoid them by postponing, deferring, or asking someone else to choose for you.

I’ve caught myself doing this on everything from weekend plans to big life choices.

I’d say, “I don’t know, whatever you prefer,” not because I didn’t have an opinion, but because I didn’t have the mental clarity to voice it.

Decision avoidance is a quiet way we protect ourselves when we feel uncertain or depleted. It’s not a flaw. It’s a signal.

Thriving brings clarity. Surviving brings fog.

7) You keep telling yourself you’ll rest later

This one is so common it might as well be a universal mantra.
“I’ll rest after this upcoming week.”
“I’ll relax once everything calms down.”
“I just need to push through a little longer.”

But “later” has a way of stretching endlessly into the future.

Years ago, I kept postponing rest, thinking the busyness was temporary. But life kept adding more.

There was always another project, another deadline, another personal obligation.

Rest became something I imagined would eventually appear on its own, like a calm weekend magically waiting for me.

Real rest, the kind that restores you, rarely arrives by accident. You have to choose it on purpose.

Survival mode convinces you that pausing is dangerous or irresponsible. Thriving recognizes that rest is part of being able to live fully.

If you’re always promising yourself future rest that never comes, your body and mind are signaling that something is off.

8) You feel disconnected from your future self

Thriving gives you a sense of direction. Even if you don’t have everything figured out, you can envision where you’re heading.

You can feel excited about your future and make decisions that support the person you’re becoming.

But when you’re just surviving, the future starts to feel blurry. It becomes something abstract or distant.

You stop setting meaningful goals. You stop dreaming or planning. You may even stop caring about what comes next.

Your life becomes about getting through the day rather than creating a life you’re proud of.

This doesn’t mean you’re unmotivated. It means your energy is focused on coping rather than growing.

You deserve more than that.

9) You tolerate things you wouldn’t normally accept

This one can be the hardest to admit.

When you’re depleted, your standards for your relationships, your boundaries, your work environment, and even your own wellbeing quietly lower themselves.

You start to tolerate things that make you unhappy or drained because dealing with them feels too overwhelming.

You might overlook disrespectful behavior. You might stay in environments that wear you down.

You might avoid speaking up even when something bothers you. You might convince yourself things are fine because change feels like too much effort.

But deep down, you know this version of you isn’t the one that thrives.

Thriving you is clear, courageous, and grounded. Surviving you is trying to avoid rocking the boat, even when the boat is sinking.

When you start settling for things that don’t align with who you are or who you want to be, that’s a sign your emotional capacity is tapped out.

Final thoughts

If you recognized yourself in several of these patterns, take a second to breathe. Truly breathe. Because awareness is a beginning, not a judgment.

Most of us slip into survival mode at some point. Life gets heavy. Responsibilities pile up.

Emotional and physical energy dip. It happens quietly and gradually, which is why these behaviors feel so normal after a while.

But the moment you name what’s happening, you create space for change.

You don’t need to overhaul your entire life to move from surviving to thriving. Small, gentle shifts make a difference.

Checking in with your emotions. Choosing rest before exhaustion. Saying no to things that drain you.

Reintroducing small moments of joy. Taking one tiny action toward the future you want.

Thriving isn’t a grand transformation. It’s a steady return to yourself.

And you’re allowed to begin that return today.