From desperate Instagram posts about your running pace to name-dropping your MBA at every dinner party, these subtle behaviors reveal the uncomfortable truth about what happens when the fear of fading into the background takes over your life.
Ever catch yourself name-dropping that trendy restaurant you went to last month, even when no one asked?
Or maybe posting that workout selfie with a caption about how you "still got it at 40-something"?
I'll confess something: Last week, I spent twenty minutes crafting the perfect Instagram post about a trail run, making sure to mention my pace time from five years ago for comparison.
The moment I hit "share," I felt this weird mix of satisfaction and emptiness.
That's when it hit me.
I wasn't posting because I was proud of my run.
I was posting because I needed people to know I could still keep up.
The fear of becoming irrelevant is something we don't talk about enough.
It creeps in slowly, usually somewhere around midlife, whispering that maybe our best days are behind us.
That maybe we're becoming invisible, outdated, or worse, forgettable.
When I left my finance career at 37 to become a writer, people thought I'd lost my mind.
Six-figure salary? Gone.
Corporate credibility? Out the window.
My mother still introduces me as "my daughter who worked in finance" rather than "my daughter the writer."
Seven years later, and she's still holding onto who I used to be.
But here's what I've learned: when we're afraid of irrelevance, we start doing things that actually make us seem less authentic, less confident, and ironically, less relevant.
We try so hard to prove we matter that we lose sight of what actually makes us valuable in the first place.
If any of these behaviors sound familiar, you might be caught in the relevance trap too.
1) You constantly reference your past accomplishments
Remember when you could recite every achievement from your resume?
Well, if you're still doing that at dinner parties, we need to talk.
I had a friend who couldn't get through a conversation without mentioning her MBA from a top school.
Every discussion somehow circled back to "When I was at Wharton..." or "Back when I was running that department..."
It wasn't until someone gently pointed out this pattern that she realized she was using past victories as a security blanket.
When we lean too heavily on yesterday's wins, we're essentially saying we don't trust today's version of ourselves to be enough.
The truth? People want to know who you are now, not who you were ten years ago.
2) You try to keep up with trends you don't actually care about
Are you suddenly on TikTok, not because you enjoy it, but because you feel like you should be?
Maybe you're forcing yourself to listen to podcasts everyone's talking about or using slang that feels unnatural coming out of your mouth?
There's nothing wrong with exploring new things.
But when you're doing it purely to seem current rather than from genuine interest, people can tell.
Authenticity beats forced relevance every single time.
I spent months trying to get into a popular TV show all my younger colleagues were obsessed with.
I'd nod along during water cooler conversations, pretending I understood the references.
One day, I just admitted I preferred my nature documentaries.
You know what? They respected the honesty way more than my awkward attempts to fit in.
3) You over-explain why your choices are still valid
"I know email might seem old-fashioned, but studies show it's actually more effective for business communication than Slack because..."
Sound familiar?
If you find yourself constantly justifying your preferences, methods, or lifestyle choices with lengthy explanations and research citations, you might be overcompensating.
Your choices don't need a defense attorney.
Whether you prefer phone calls to texts, books to audiobooks, or running outdoors to trendy fitness classes, own it.
The moment you stop defending, people stop questioning.
4) You compete with younger colleagues or friends
This one stings a bit, doesn't it?
Maybe you find yourself working longer hours than necessary, just to prove you have more stamina than the new hire.
Or perhaps you're suddenly interested in extreme sports because your younger neighbor mentioned their rock climbing hobby.
When I decided to run my first marathon at 42, I told myself it was about personal growth.
But if I'm being completely honest, part of me wanted to show that age was just a number.
The funny thing is, once I stopped trying to prove something and just focused on my own journey, I actually enjoyed it.
And yes, I finished that marathon, slower than some, faster than others, but completely on my own terms.
5) You dismiss anything new as inferior to how things used to be
"Music was better in my day."
"Kids today don't understand real work ethic."
"Social media is destroying genuine connection."
While some of these might have valid points, constantly positioning yourself as the keeper of the "good old days" doesn't make you seem wise.
It makes you seem rigid and out of touch.
Former colleagues used to tell me I was "throwing away my potential" when I left finance.
They couldn't understand why anyone would leave stability for uncertainty.
But clinging to old definitions of success was keeping me stuck.
Sometimes the new way isn't inferior, it's just different.
6) You feel compelled to share every achievement on social media
Got promoted? Post.
Finished a book? Post.
Made a healthy dinner? Post with hashtags about clean eating and fitness over forty.
Social media becomes our relevance report card, where likes and comments validate that we're still in the game.
But this constant need for external validation actually broadcasts insecurity, not confidence.
I've started asking myself before posting: Am I sharing this because I'm genuinely excited, or because I need others to see I'm still accomplishing things?
More often than not, the honest answer makes me put my phone down.
7) You struggle to admit when you don't know something
The pressure to seem knowledgeable about everything can be overwhelming when you're worried about seeming outdated.
So you nod along when someone mentions NFTs, pretend you understand the latest workplace software, or make up answers rather than admitting ignorance.
But here's a secret: "I don't know, can you tell me more?" is one of the most powerful phrases you can use.
It shows confidence, curiosity, and humility.
People respect someone who's still learning way more than someone who pretends to know everything.
Final thoughts
The irony of fearing irrelevance is that the very behaviors we use to combat it often make us seem less authentic and relatable.
We become so focused on proving our worth that we forget what actually makes us valuable: our experience, our unique perspective, and our genuine selves.
Relevance isn't about keeping up with every trend or proving you can do everything younger people can do.
It's about bringing your authentic self to the table, complete with your accumulated wisdom and yes, even your preferences that might seem "outdated."
The next time you feel that familiar panic about becoming irrelevant, pause.
Ask yourself if your next action is coming from a place of genuine interest or from fear.
Choose the former.
Because the most relevant thing you can be is genuinely, unapologetically yourself.
After all, there's something to be said for someone who knows who they are and isn't afraid to be it, trending or not.
