Psychology says people who fall in love fast but struggle to stay in love usually had these 9 childhood experiences

Ever wonder why some people seem to fall head over heels at the drop of a hat, only to find themselves losing interest just as quickly?

I've seen this pattern play out countless times, both in my own life and in the lives of friends and clients.

That instant spark, the butterflies, the feeling that this person is "the one"... followed by a gradual cooling off, doubts creeping in, and eventually the realization that maybe this isn't working after all.

If this sounds familiar, you're not alone.

Psychology suggests that our childhood experiences shape how we approach love and relationships in profound ways.

The patterns we develop early on often follow us into adulthood, influencing who we're attracted to and how we navigate romantic connections.

Today, I want to explore nine specific childhood experiences that tend to create this pattern of falling fast but struggling to maintain long-term love.

Understanding these connections can be the first step toward breaking free from cycles that aren't serving us.

1) Inconsistent emotional availability from caregivers

Did your parents or caregivers blow hot and cold with their affection?

Maybe they were incredibly loving one moment, then distant or preoccupied the next?

This kind of inconsistency can create what psychologists call an anxious attachment style.

As adults, we might find ourselves desperately seeking that initial rush of connection because it feels like finally getting the consistent love we craved as children.

But when things settle into a more stable rhythm, we might feel anxious or unsatisfied because we're still subconsciously waiting for the other shoe to drop.

I've noticed this in my own relationships.

Growing up, my parents expressed love through concern about financial security, which meant emotional conversations often took a backseat to practical matters.

It took years of work to recognize how this affected my expectations in relationships.

2) Being rewarded for achievements rather than just being

Were you the kid who got attention primarily when you brought home good grades or won the soccer game?

When love feels conditional on performance, we learn to equate our worth with what we can achieve or provide.

In relationships, this might mean we come on strong initially, putting our best foot forward and working hard to "win" someone's affection.

But once we've secured it, we might struggle with the vulnerability of just being ourselves, flaws and all.

I was labeled "gifted" in elementary school, which created this intense pressure to be perfect.

In my early relationships, I'd present this polished version of myself, then panic when real life inevitably showed my imperfections.

3) Experiencing emotional neglect

Emotional neglect doesn't always look like obvious abandonment.

Sometimes it's having parents who were physically present but emotionally checked out.

When our emotional needs aren't met in childhood, we might develop an intense hunger for connection that makes us fall hard and fast.

We're trying to fill that void we've carried for so long.

But because we never learned what healthy, sustained emotional connection looks like, we might not know how to maintain it once the initial intensity fades.

4) Living in a high-conflict household

Growing up around constant arguing or tension can wire our nervous systems to associate love with drama.

Think about it: if your childhood home was full of ups and downs, fights followed by passionate reconciliations, your brain might have learned that this rollercoaster is what love feels like.

Stable, peaceful relationships might actually feel boring or wrong somehow, leading you to create conflict or lose interest when things are going smoothly.

5) Being parentified as a child

Did you have to grow up too fast?

Maybe you were taking care of younger siblings or managing a parent's emotional needs?

Children who take on adult responsibilities often miss out on the chance to develop a secure sense of self.

In relationships, this might manifest as falling quickly for someone who seems to need you, then feeling overwhelmed or resentful when the responsibility becomes too much.

Or you might struggle when a partner wants to take care of you because it feels so foreign.

6) Having parents who were emotionally enmeshed

On the flip side, some of us grew up with parents who had no boundaries, who treated us more like friends or therapists than children.

This can create confusion about where we end and where others begin.

We might dive headfirst into relationships, immediately merging our lives with our partner's, then feel suffocated and need to pull back dramatically.

The cycle of enmeshment and withdrawal becomes our pattern because we never learned how to maintain healthy boundaries while staying connected.

7) Witnessing unhealthy relationship models

What did love look like in your household growing up?

If your parents had a tumultuous relationship, or if you witnessed multiple failed relationships, you might have internalized the idea that love starts hot and heavy but inevitably fizzles out.

This becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy where you unconsciously recreate what you saw, even if you consciously want something different.

During couples therapy, I discovered how much my high-stress career patterns mirrored the communication style I'd witnessed growing up.

It was eye-opening to realize I was repeating dynamics I thought I'd left behind.

8) Experiencing early rejection or abandonment

Whether it was a parent leaving, a significant loss, or feeling rejected by peers, early experiences of abandonment cut deep.

These experiences can create a push-pull dynamic in adult relationships.

We desperately want connection, so we fall fast, but we're also terrified of being hurt again.

This fear might cause us to sabotage things when they get too real or to constantly test our partner's commitment in ways that ultimately push them away.

9) Growing up with perfectionist expectations

Were mistakes not tolerated in your house?

Did you feel like you had to be perfect to be loved?

Perfectionism in childhood often leads to what I call "relationship perfectionism" in adulthood.

We might idealize new partners, projecting perfection onto them and the relationship.

But when reality sets in and we see their human flaws, or when the relationship requires actual work, we might feel disappointed and check out emotionally.

My own journey with this started with recognizing how my childhood anxiety about my parents' approval had morphed into people-pleasing tendencies that showed up in every relationship.

I'd work so hard to be the "perfect" partner initially, then burn out when I couldn't maintain that impossible standard.

Final thoughts

Recognizing these patterns isn't about blaming our parents or staying stuck in the past.

Most parents do the best they can with what they know.

This is about understanding ourselves better so we can make conscious choices rather than unconsciously repeating patterns.

If you see yourself in these experiences, know that change is possible.

Our brains are remarkably plastic, and with awareness and intentional work, we can develop more secure attachment patterns.

Therapy can be incredibly helpful, especially approaches that focus on attachment and childhood experiences.

The next time you find yourself falling fast, take a moment to pause.

Ask yourself what this person is activating in you.

Are they meeting a current need, or are they promising to heal an old wound?

Real, lasting love isn't just about that initial spark.

It's about building something sustainable with someone who can meet you where you are now, not where your inner child still needs healing.

Breaking these patterns takes time and patience with yourself.

But understanding where they come from is the first crucial step toward writing a different story for your love life.