People who maintain great relationships despite political or value differences practice these 9 habits

You know that moment when you're at a family dinner and someone brings up politics? Yeah, that one.

Growing up, our dinner table was basically a debate club. My brothers and I would go at it about everything from local elections to philosophical questions about life. Sometimes voices would rise, forks would be put down a bit too forcefully, and Mom would have to referee.

But here's the thing: We're all still incredibly close. In fact, I work with my brothers now, and despite our differences (trust me, there are many), we've built something pretty amazing together.

How? Well, it wasn't magic. It took years of figuring out how to disagree without destroying our relationships.

And I've realized something crucial: Maintaining great relationships when you don't see eye to eye on big issues isn't about avoiding conflict. It's about developing specific habits that help you navigate those differences with grace.

Whether it's your Trump-supporting uncle, your activist best friend, or your partner who sees the world completely differently than you do, these nine habits can help you keep those relationships strong and meaningful.

1) Listen to understand, not to win

This was probably the hardest lesson I had to learn from all those family debates.

For years, I thought the goal was to have the perfect comeback, the winning argument that would make everyone see things my way. Spoiler alert: That never happened.

What actually worked? Genuinely trying to understand where the other person was coming from.

When someone shares a view that makes you want to pull your hair out, pause. Ask yourself: What experiences led them here? What fears or hopes are driving this belief?

You don't have to agree. But when you show genuine curiosity about their perspective, something shifts. The defensive walls come down. The conversation becomes less about winning and more about connecting.

Try asking questions like "Help me understand..." or "What makes you feel that way?" Then actually listen to the answer without mentally preparing your rebuttal.

2) Create boundaries around hot topics

Here's something I learned the hard way when I started working with my brothers: Not every space needs to be a debate arena.

We had to establish clear boundaries. Work meetings? We stick to business. Family gatherings? Politics gets a time limit. Sometimes we even declare certain events "neutral zones" where controversial topics are completely off-limits.

In my book, Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego, I talk about the Buddhist concept of "right speech." Part of that is knowing when silence serves a relationship better than words.

You're not betraying your values by choosing not to engage in every political discussion. You're prioritizing the relationship.

3) Focus on shared values underneath the differences

My wife comes from a Vietnamese background, and I'm Australian. Talk about different worldviews.

But when we dig beneath the surface differences, we find so much common ground. We both value family, kindness, and building a good life for our kids. We just express these values differently sometimes.

The same goes for political differences. That person you disagree with probably wants safety for their family, a sense of purpose, and a better future. You might disagree on the methods, but the underlying human needs are often remarkably similar.

Next time you're in a heated discussion, try to identify one shared value. It changes everything when you can say, "We both want kids to get a good education. We just disagree on how to get there."

4) Practice the 24-hour rule

Ever fired off a response to someone's political post and immediately regretted it? Yeah, me too.

Now I follow the 24-hour rule. When something triggers me, I wait a full day before responding. Usually, after 24 hours, I realize it's not worth the energy. And when it is worth addressing, I can do it from a calmer, more thoughtful place.

This applies to in-person conversations too. If someone says something that really gets under your skin, you can say, "That's interesting. Let me think about that and get back to you."

It's not avoiding conflict. It's choosing to engage when you can do it constructively.

5) Separate the person from their positions

One of my brothers has political views that are pretty much opposite to mine. But he's also the guy who drove three hours to help me move, who makes me laugh harder than anyone else, and who I'd trust with my life.

His political views are just one part of who he is. They're not his entire identity, and they shouldn't define our entire relationship.

When you can separate the person from their positions, you create space for the relationship to exist beyond disagreement. You can think someone's wrong about healthcare policy while still appreciating their generosity, humor, or loyalty.

6) Find neutral activities to bond over

Building a bicultural family has taught me that sometimes the best way to connect isn't through discussion but through shared experiences.

My wife and I cook together, mixing Vietnamese and Australian dishes. We hike, travel, raise our kids. These activities create positive associations that outweigh our philosophical differences.

The Buddhist principle of mindful action, which I explore in Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego, teaches us that shared activities can be a form of meditation, bringing people together in the present moment.

Find what you enjoy doing together that has nothing to do with your differences. Play board games, go fishing, volunteer for a cause you both support. Create positive memories that have nothing to do with your disagreements.

7) Accept that you won't change them (and that's okay)

This one's tough to swallow, but it's liberating once you get it.

You're probably not going to change anyone's fundamental worldview through argument or debate. And guess what? That's not your job.

Your job is to live according to your values, treat people with respect, and maintain relationships that matter to you. Once I stopped trying to convert everyone to my way of thinking, my relationships became so much more peaceful.

Acceptance doesn't mean you like their views or stop standing up for your own values. It just means you stop making their conversion a condition for your relationship.

8) Use humor carefully but effectively

Humor can be a bridge or a weapon. Choose wisely.

In our family, we've learned to laugh at ourselves and the absurdity of some of our disagreements. A well-timed joke can defuse tension like nothing else. But mocking someone's deeply held beliefs? That's a relationship killer.

The key is self-deprecating humor or finding the genuinely funny aspects of your differences without making anyone feel attacked. When both people can laugh together, it reminds you that you're on the same team, even when you disagree.

9) Remember what really matters in the end

Here's a question that puts everything in perspective: On your deathbed, will you regret not winning that political argument, or will you regret losing a relationship over it?

I think about this whenever I'm tempted to go nuclear in a disagreement. These relationships, these people we love despite our differences, they're what make life rich and meaningful.

Cross-cultural marriage has taught me that "normal" is just one of many options. There's no single right way to see the world. When we can hold that truth while maintaining our own values, we create space for beautiful, complex, real relationships.

Final words

Look, I'm not saying it's easy. Maintaining relationships across deep differences requires patience, humility, and sometimes biting your tongue so hard it hurts.

But these relationships are also some of the most rewarding. They challenge us, help us grow, and remind us that the world is bigger than our own perspective.

The nine habits I've shared aren't just theories. They're practices I use daily with my brothers, my bicultural family, and friends whose worldviews sometimes make me scratch my head.

Start with just one habit. Maybe it's the 24-hour rule or asking more curious questions. See how it changes the dynamic.

Because at the end of the day, the people we love are more important than the positions they hold. And learning to navigate those differences with grace? That's a skill worth developing.