If you're over 35 and still doing these 7 things, you're emotionally stuck in your 20s

Ever catch yourself at a work party, beer in hand, still trying to impress everyone like you're at your first networking event fresh out of college? Yeah, me too.

And here's the uncomfortable truth I've had to face: turning 35, or 40, or even 45 doesn't automatically mean we've emotionally graduated from our twenties.

I spent years thinking that emotional maturity would just happen naturally with age. Spoiler alert: it doesn't. After my own wake-up call at 36, when burnout forced me into therapy and made me question everything I thought I knew about success, I realized I'd been emotionally treading water for over a decade.

If you're wondering whether you might be stuck in the same loop, here are seven behaviors that kept me trapped in my twenties well into my thirties. See if any of these hit close to home.

1) Still chasing the next achievement high

Remember that rush you got from landing your first real job? Or getting that promotion everyone wanted? In my twenties, I lived for those moments. At 23, I started as a junior analyst, pulling 70-hour weeks and telling myself it was all worth it for the next title bump, the next salary increase, the next pat on the back from my boss.

But here's what nobody tells you: if you're still operating this way past 35, you're running on a treadmill that never stops. I know because I did it for years. Every achievement felt amazing for about two weeks, then I needed another hit. It wasn't until therapy that I confronted my achievement addiction and realized that external validation was never, ever going to be enough.

The grown-up version of success? It's about finding meaning in what you do, not just collecting accomplishments like Pokemon cards. It's about asking yourself what actually matters to you, not what looks impressive on LinkedIn.

2) Treating every relationship like it's temporary

In your twenties, keeping things casual makes sense. You're figuring yourself out, exploring options, not ready to settle down. But if you're still approaching friendships and romantic relationships with one foot out the door at 35-plus, you might want to ask yourself why.

I learned this lesson the hard way. A breakup in my twenties taught me that I'd been choosing career over relationships consistently, treating people like they were disposable whenever work demanded more of my time. I told myself I was being "focused" and "driven," but really, I was just scared of real intimacy.

Emotional maturity means being willing to go deep with people, to show up when things get messy, to invest in relationships even when they're not convenient. It means choosing quality over quantity and understanding that real connections take time and vulnerability to build.

3) Living for the weekend like it's spring break

Look, I'm all for having fun. But if your entire week is just counting down to Friday night so you can party like you're still in college, we need to talk. There's something deeply unfulfilling about treating five days of your life as something to endure just to get to two days of escape.

When I was working those insane hours in finance, weekends became my release valve. But here's the thing: using weekends to completely check out from your life is a twenties move. In your thirties and beyond, the goal should be creating a life you don't need to escape from.

This doesn't mean becoming boring or giving up fun. It means finding joy and purpose throughout your week, not just when you're three drinks deep at happy hour.

4) Avoiding uncomfortable conversations at all costs

How many times have you let something slide because addressing it felt too awkward? Maybe a friend consistently cancels plans, a colleague takes credit for your work, or your partner does something that bothers you, but you just... say nothing.

In our twenties, we can get away with this because everything feels temporary anyway. But emotional maturity means having those difficult conversations, even when your palms are sweaty and your voice shakes. It means setting boundaries and standing by them.

I used to be the queen of conflict avoidance. I'd rather work late every night than tell my boss the workload was unsustainable. I'd rather quietly resent a friend than tell them they'd hurt my feelings. But all that avoidance just builds up until you're carrying around a backpack full of unexpressed frustrations.

5) Making decisions based on what looks good to others

Quick question: When was the last time you made a major life decision without considering how it would look on social media or what your peers would think?

This one's tricky because we all want to be seen in a positive light. But if you're still choosing your apartment, your job, your vacation destinations, or even your relationships based primarily on external perception, you're living by your twenties playbook.

When I finally left finance to pursue writing, I lost most of my finance colleagues as friends. It was painful, but it taught me who was authentic and who was just there for the networking opportunities. More importantly, it taught me that living for other people's approval is exhausting and ultimately pointless.

6) Believing you have endless time to figure things out

"I'll start saving next year." "I'll focus on my health when work calms down." "I'll deal with that family issue eventually." Sound familiar?

Your twenties are built on the illusion of infinite time. But once you hit 35, continuing to postpone important decisions or actions isn't optimistic; it's denial. Time becomes more precious as we age, not because we have less of it necessarily, but because we finally understand its value.

I spent over a decade telling myself I'd eventually find work-life balance, eventually prioritize relationships, eventually figure out what I really wanted. Eventually became never until burnout forced my hand.

7) Keeping score in relationships like it's a competition

Who texted first? Who paid last time? Who's putting in more effort? If you're still tracking these things like you're keeping stats in a video game, you're stuck in emotional adolescence.

Mature relationships, whether romantic or platonic, aren't about winning or maintaining perfect balance. They're about generosity, trust, and understanding that different people show care in different ways. Sometimes you give more, sometimes you receive more, and if you've chosen the right people, it all evens out over time.

The scorekeeping mentality assumes scarcity, like there's not enough love, attention, or care to go around. But emotional maturity means operating from abundance, giving freely without keeping a mental tally.

Time to grow up (in the best way)

Here's what I've learned: growing up emotionally doesn't mean becoming boring, losing your sense of adventure, or turning into someone you don't recognize. It means becoming more authentically yourself, making conscious choices instead of default ones, and building a life that actually fits who you are, not who you thought you should be at 25.

If you recognized yourself in some of these behaviors, don't panic. Awareness is the first step, and the fact that you're reading this means you're already questioning patterns that aren't serving you anymore. Change doesn't happen overnight, and honestly, some of these habits are hard to break because they've been our coping mechanisms for so long.

The good news? It's never too late to start growing into the person you want to be. Every day offers a chance to make different choices, to respond instead of react, to build something meaningful instead of just impressive. Your thirties, forties, and beyond can be about depth instead of surface, connection instead of networking, and purpose instead of just achievement.

Trust me, leaving your twenties behind emotionally is the best gift you can give yourself. Because while being young was fun, being genuinely mature? That's where life really gets good.