Some phrases might seem harmless, but they quietly reveal a lack of social awareness—here’s what to watch out for (and what to say instead).
Some people just don’t know how they come across.
It’s not that they’re trying to be rude or off-putting—more often than not, they’re simply unaware of how their words land. Social skills aren’t always taught at home, and they certainly aren’t handed out in school.
We pick them up over time, through experience, reflection, and—let’s be honest—sometimes embarrassment.
But certain phrases? They’re little red flags. Not because the person is bad, but because they haven’t quite figured out how to communicate with grace, nuance, or emotional intelligence.
Here are ten phrases I’ve heard (sometimes more than once at a single dinner party) that tend to signal someone’s social awareness could use a tune-up.
Let’s get into it.
1. “I’m just being honest.”
This one usually follows an unnecessary comment like, “You look tired,” or, “That dress doesn’t suit you.”
While honesty is a virtue, social intelligence is knowing when to filter it—or how to deliver it kindly.
“Radical Candor means saying what you think while also giving a damn about the person you’re saying it to," says life coach Kim Scott.
In other words, blunt truth isn’t automatically better—it can simply be another mask.
A better approach? Ask yourself: Is this useful to say—or just hurtful dressed up as “truth”?
2. “Calm down.”
If you’ve ever said this mid-argument and watched the other person explode—you already know why it backfires.
Telling someone to calm down often feels invalidating. It suggests their emotions aren’t appropriate, and that you get to decide when their reaction crosses a line.
Holocaust survivor and psychiatrist Viktor Frankl captured the needed alternative perfectly: “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom”
Use that space. Instead of commanding calm, try: “I can see you’re upset—can we pick this up after we’ve both cooled off?”
3. “No offense, but…”
You already know offense is coming.
This phrase doesn’t soften the blow; it telegraphs that the speaker knows the remark is rude and says it anyway. I once had a coworker drop, “No offense, but you talk too much in meetings.” Helpful? No. Memorable? Unfortunately.
A few years back, I found myself sitting across from a woman I’d met at a community fundraiser. She leaned in and said, “No offense, but you look a lot older in person than in your photo.”
I laughed it off in the moment, but I remember feeling a flush of embarrassment that lingered for hours. The worst part? She said it like it was small talk—like pointing out the weather.
The truth is, people often use this phrase to give themselves permission to be thoughtless. But impact matters more than intent. “No offense” doesn’t erase the sting—it just reveals the speaker doesn’t want to take responsibility for it.
If you have to preface something with “no offense,” rephrase—or maybe just zip it.
4. “I’m bad with names.”
We all forget names. But repeatedly announcing this as a personality trait isn’t charming—it’s dismissive. It sends the message that you’re not even trying to remember the person who just introduced themselves.
Want to improve? Use the name immediately in conversation. Associate it with a mental image. It takes effort—yet effort is exactly what makes people feel seen.
5. “That’s just how I am.”
I’ve heard this excuse for everything from chronic lateness to interrupting people mid-sentence.
Quirks are human. Refusing to grow, especially when your behavior harms others, is not a quirk—it’s a defense mechanism. This phrase usually appears when someone doesn’t want feedback or responsibility.
6. “Why are you so sensitive?”
This one stings—especially when said to someone who’s just opened up.
Socially intelligent people know emotional responses vary. Telling someone they’re “too sensitive” minimizes that reality.
Psychologist Susan David reminds us, “Discomfort is the price of admission to a meaningful life”
Validating emotions—yours and theirs—is part of that price.
If you’ve hurt someone, even unintentionally, try: “I didn’t mean it that way, but I can see it affected you. I’m sorry.”
7. “At least…”
“I lost my job.”
“Well, at least you have your health.”
“I’m struggling with fertility.”
“At least you already have one child.”
See the problem? It bypasses pain in search of a silver lining. Sit with them instead. Presence beats positivity every time.
8. “You always…” or “You never…”
Sweeping generalizations rarely end well. They escalate arguments and make the other person feel boxed in. Frame feedback in specifics (“I felt unheard when you interrupted me yesterday”) rather than absolutes.
9. “Relax, I was just joking.”
This often follows a passive-aggressive jab. It sidesteps accountability and implies the problem is the other person’s sense of humor. But if your joke depends on making others feel small, it’s not humor—it’s hostility.
If someone seems hurt, try: “Sorry—I didn’t realize that came off wrong.”
10. “Whatever.”
Dismissive. A conversation killer. Whether whispered or eye-rolled, “whatever” signals you’re done engaging.
I once dropped a “whatever” during a heated exchange and turned away. What I meant was, I’m overwhelmed. What he heard was, I don’t care. Words matter—especially the flippant ones.
Final thoughts
Poor social skills aren’t a character flaw. They’re a gap in learning—a gap that can close with awareness, empathy, and practice.
If a few of these phrases feel familiar, don’t panic. We’ve all used them. The good news? Language is one of the easiest things to shift.
Start by asking: Will what I’m about to say build connection—or chip away at it?
That single question can reshape how you show up every day. And when you get it right, people feel it. They lean in. They listen. They trust you.
That’s the power of real social intelligence.
If You Were a Healing Herb, Which Would You Be?
Each herb holds a unique kind of magic — soothing, awakening, grounding, or clarifying.
This 9-question quiz reveals the healing plant that mirrors your energy right now and what it says about your natural rhythm.
✨ Instant results. Deeply insightful.
