I asked a high society woman how to spot someone pretending to be rich, and these 10 signs stood out

A few months ago, over tea that cost more than my favorite running shoes, I asked an old family acquaintance—someone who floats through black-tie galas like oxygen—how she tells the difference between genuine wealth and a performance.

She smiled. “It’s never the obvious things,” she said. “It’s what people overlook when they’re busy trying to impress.”

Her answer unlocked a flood of observations from my own years analyzing balance sheets by day and people by night. If you’ve ever wondered whether someone’s lifestyle is built on assets or on acting, here are the telltale signs I keep seeing.

1. They chase logos, not quality

Thorstein Veblen coined the term “conspicuous consumption” to describe buying for show over substance—still painfully relevant today.

When someone leads with labels, flashes them like ID badges, and can’t describe why the craftsmanship matters, that’s a giveaway. Real wealth gravitates to pieces that last—beautiful stitching, sturdy seams, a watch that gets serviced every few years—whether or not anyone notices.

As noted by Veblen’s concept, the point of luxury isn’t the billboard; it’s the enduring utility paired with quiet delight.

2. Their money story is loud but inconsistent

Have you noticed how some people’s narratives don’t add up?

One week they’re “so broke after Capri,” the next they’re shopping for a second home.

Then it turns out they rent the apartment they “own,” they “consult” for a company with no website, and the car is a lease they don’t quite understand.

Those contradictions aren’t just gossip fodder—they’re balance-sheet red flags. People with genuine means usually have a simple, boring story about where it came from and where it goes. The numbers and timelines match.

3. They buy upgrades but cut essentials

I once knew a guy who always flew business class but skipped health insurance “because I never get sick.”

That mismatch is classic. Pretenders splurge on visible upgrades and quietly cheap out on boring fundamentals—insurance, routine maintenance, good accounting, a decent mattress.

The wealthy know the unglamorous line items are what keep a life sturdy. They’d rather pay for a great CPA than for a table everyone can see.

4. They outsource common sense

Here’s a quick test: ask a person to do a small, un-fancy task—pack their own bag, carry a chair, change a lightbulb.

If they balk because it’s “not their job,” you might be dealing with someone who rents respect.

There’s nothing wrong with help; I’m all for it when it truly saves time. But needing an entourage for simple things is theater. In my volunteering at farmers’ markets, I’ve watched actual billionaires stand in line for tomatoes and carry their own tote.

It’s competence, not spectacle.

5. They talk in prices, not in value

“Price is what you pay. Value is what you get,” Warren Buffett wrote, and I can’t think of a better filter for financial adulthood.

When someone tells you the price of everything but can’t explain the value—the return, the durability, the joy—be suspicious.

People who’ve learned to build and keep wealth obsess over value. They’ll pay more for something that earns its keep and walk away from a bargain that becomes clutter.

6. Their generosity has strings

Want to see what money means to someone? Watch how they give.

Real wealth tends to be structured, quiet, and consistent. It shows up as scholarships endowed, mentors paid well, tips that respect labor, and help offered without a scoreboard.

Performative wealth gives loudly, selectively, and with a press release—then brings it up later to collect social interest.

If a “gift” comes with reminders, invoices, or humiliation, it wasn’t generosity; it was marketing.

7. They need immediate recognition

“Do you know who I am?” is the anthem of insecurity.

I’ve heard it at hotel desks, private clubs, and even airport lounges—ironically, always from people working so hard to look effortless.

Those with deep-rooted status rarely announce it. In fact, they’re often relieved when they don’t have to be “on.”

True comfort shows up as patience with staff, eye contact with the valet, and a thank-you that sounds like it’s meant.

8. They size people up by what they have, not what they do

One of the quickest tells: how someone treats people who can’t elevate them.

If a person scans rooms for importance, measures friendships in favors, and ignores anyone without visible status symbols, that’s not old money energy—it’s social climbing dressed as taste.

The honestly wealthy are curious; they ask what you’re working on, not what you’re wearing. They collect people, not props.

9. Everything they own is brand-new—and stays that way

There’s something a little uncanny about a life with no patina.

A bag that never softens, shoes that never scuff, a kitchen with untouched cookware—like a model home, not a lived-in one.

I always look for signs of maintenance: a beautifully repaired sweater, a re-soled pair of oxfords, a chair with a history. People who know quality buy to keep, and keeping means care.

As Coco Chanel put it, “Luxury must be comfortable, otherwise it is not luxury.” If you can’t use it, enjoy it, and repair it, it’s a museum piece, not wealth.

10. They’re allergic to the unflashy math

Pretend-rich talk in highlights; actually-rich live in spreadsheets.

Ask about the boring stuff—taxes, compounding, interest on that jumbo mortgage, cash flow—watch for a glaze. In my analyst days, the most successful clients never dodged the dull math.

They knew their savings rates, their liquidity buffers, their worst-case scenarios. People performing prosperity prefer plot twists: “crypto moonshots,” whispered deals, or the next “can’t-lose” boutique fund.

If the plan only works when everything is perfect, it’s not a plan.

So how do you apply this without turning into a cynic?

A few filters I use when I catch myself being dazzled:

• Ask why, not what. Why that brand? Why that neighborhood? The answer should be about fit, function, or long-term value—not “everyone has it.”

• Scan for maintenance. What do they maintain well? Relationships? Health? Home? Wealth grows where care compounds.

• Watch the treatment of time. People serious about their lives—rich or not—protect their calendars. They don’t trade sleep for every party or abandon commitments for shinier ones.

• Check the arc, not the moment. Real prosperity is a trajectory. It steadies over years, even decades. Performances spike and crash.

And if you’re wondering what to do with all this besides play amateur detective, here’s the part I love: these signs work as mirrors. Where am I buying the label instead of the quality? Where do I crave recognition more than results? Where could I get better at the unflashy math?

I don’t always like my answers. But they’re the ones that move me forward.

A quick story that crystallized it for me

At a fundraiser, a woman at my table wore a dress I’d seen splashed across fashion blogs that week.

It was new, expensive, loud—the textile equivalent of a trumpet. Next to her sat an older guest in a simple, perfectly cut black suit, a string of pearls with a faint scratch near the clasp, and the kind of shoes you only get after several visits to a cobbler.

When dessert came, the younger woman excused herself to take a call about a “deal that’s going to triple.”

The older guest stayed behind and asked the server about their day. Then she quietly wrote a check large enough to fund the program’s summer session. No speech, no selfie.

Neither outfit proved anything. But the maintenance, the manners, the math—that told the whole story.

Final thoughts

Money is a tool. When it’s real, it tends to get quieter, more aligned, and frankly, more practical. When it’s a costume, it needs an audience.

The point isn’t to judge other people—it’s to sharpen your own sense of value, so you’re harder to fool (including by your own impulses).

Whether you’re navigating new social circles or just scrolling past someone’s highlight reel, these signals have helped me see the difference between financial confidence and financial cosplay.

I’ll leave you with the reminder I give myself whenever the glitter starts to look like gold: pay less attention to what someone buys, and more to what they maintain, improve, and give without expecting applause.

Because at the end of the day, the richest thing about anyone is what remains when the spotlight turns off.