What felt luxurious to most families wasn’t money. It was time, calm, and being known.
Last month I ran a simple experiment. I asked 50 middle-class families across my circles in São Paulo, Santiago, and back home in Central Asia one question: “When you hear the word luxury, what comes to mind?”
I expected handbags and five-star hotels. A few people mentioned those. The rest surprised me.
Again and again, people named ordinary things that make daily life feel breathable. These are the things that are easy to miss when you are chasing the next goal. As one dad told me in the elevator while balancing a scooter and a snack box, “Luxury is not more. Luxury is less.”
Here is what I heard, and how I am trying to build more of it into my own life.
1. Time you do not owe
A friend with two kids said her dream day is one with no clock chasing her. No commute, no rush, no waiting room. Just a long breakfast and a walk.
This idea kept showing up. Free time on a Tuesday afternoon. Ten quiet minutes before the house wakes. A weekend with nothing scheduled. It is simple, and it is rare.
Researchers back this up. Harvard’s Ashley Whillans has shown that people who prioritize time over money tend to be happier.
Her work suggests that paying to reduce hassle, such as outsourcing chores or shortening a commute, can lift well-being in a meaningful way. I think of that every time I choose the faster option that gives me an hour back.
2. Help that actually helps
When we fly to Santiago, grandparents turn everyday life into something soft. Matias and I get a real date night.
We linger over dinner, then take a slow walk because Emilia is happy with her abuelos. Back in São Paulo it is mostly us and our nanny Lara during business hours, so real help feels like a treasure.
Many families told me the same thing. A trusted babysitter, a neighbor who swaps pickups, a dependable cleaner. Help is not a status symbol; it is breathing room. You can feel your shoulders drop.
I used to think I had to do everything to be a good mom. I have learned that accepting help is one of the fastest ways to be a calmer one.
3. A home that works without drama
No one said “a palace.” They said things like good water pressure, a dishwasher that never breaks, a pantry that stays stocked, a breeze through the windows.
The most poetic answer I got was “a home that says welcome back.”
I get it. We live in an apartment in Itaim Bibi, and the biggest shift was when we optimized little systems. A weekly staples list. Two laundry days. A place where shoes live.
It is not Pinterest-pretty every day, it just works.
Small frictions drain energy. Removing them gives life back to you.
4. Quiet you can actually hear
A mom from our building told me her favorite luxury is silence. Not forever, just a pocket of it. She sits on her balcony before everyone wakes, listens to the birds, then goes back inside to start breakfast.
Another person mentioned safety as a form of quiet. Walking to a café without checking over your shoulder. Letting kids play downstairs while you chop vegetables. Quiet is not only about sound; it is about nervous systems calming down.
I keep one simple rule for this. Phones stay out of the bedroom. The quiet that follows is a gift.
5. Health without the juggling act
Plenty of people said luxury is getting care when you need it, without rearranging your whole week. A doctor who calls back. A therapist you can afford. A dentist who runs on time.
We had a season of three colds in one month. The true luxury was the clinic two blocks away, open late, where a kind pediatrician knew Emilia by name. That turned a stressful week into something manageable.
This is not glamorous. It matters more than glamorous.
6. Sleep that is protected
Several parents whispered this like a secret: a full night of sleep. Not once, but often enough that you feel like yourself again.
The science is not subtle here. Sleep researchers often call sleep the most effective daily reset for brain and body health. I treat this as a rule, not a wish.
Our evening routine is tight. Family dinner, bath and story, bottle and bed. One parent does bedtime, the other resets the kitchen so we can relax together later. When we protect sleep, everything gets easier.
7. Food that feels alive
Half my girlfriends are vegan or vegetarian, so we try a lot of plant-based places.
Over and over, parents called fresh food a luxury. Ripe mangoes. Good bread. Herbs on the windowsill. A fridge that meets you with options, not chaos.
In our home we shop daily for one main meal. It is slower, but it keeps us close to what we eat. It is more fun with a stroller buddy who loves pointing at bananas.
Food that is cared for turns dinner into a small celebration.
8. Routines that run like rails
Luxury, for many people, was not spontaneity. It was routine that removes daily decisions.
Wake at 7, family breakfast at the kitchen island, walk Matias to work, supermarket stop, playtime, then I dive into writing while Emi is with Lara. Around 7 we all meet back in the kitchen and start our evening flow.
Routines are a kindness to your future self. They also make room for tiny surprises, such as an ice cream detour or a neighbor’s birthday song. When the basics are on rails, you can enjoy the scenery.
I know this phase is full and a bit intense. I am okay with that. It is a season.
9. Saying no without guilt
One dad said the most luxurious sentence he learned to say is “not this month.” No defensive speech, no spreadsheet presentation. Just a calm no.
That line hit me. I used to say yes by default, then resent my calendar. Now I ask two quick questions. Will this add energy to our family or drain it? Will I be glad I did this next week? If the answer is no twice, I skip it.
Boundaries feel expensive at first. Later they save you a fortune in peace.
10. Shortcuts that buy back life
A lot of families connected luxury to smart shortcuts. The metro over traffic. A reliable delivery service for bulk items. A shared Google calendar that keeps everyone sane. Tiny investments that buy back hours.
This fits with the research on “time affluence.” Using money to save time can create more happiness than buying more stuff. Even small changes, such as trimming a long commute, can make a real difference.
In our house the shortcut is a rotating list of simple dinners. Monday pasta, Tuesday stir-fry, Wednesday soup, and so on. Decisions drop away, and time returns.
11. Being known by name
I loved how often people mentioned community. The barista who remembers your order. The neighbor who texts when a package arrives. Parents who trade playground duty so everyone gets a break.
Strong ties are not the only ones that count. Weak ties, the friendly hellos and small talk, also boost mood. The broader point is simple. As psychiatrist Robert Waldinger likes to remind us, good relationships help us stay happier and healthier.
I see this on our street. When we stop for coffee after walking Matias to work, the same two shopkeepers smile at Emilia. She grins back. It is the smallest luxury, and it lifts the whole morning.
12. Enough, on purpose
A theme ran through every conversation. Luxury is not only what you can buy; it is what you can stop buying. Fewer, better clothes. Shoes you wear every day. Items that last. I follow a simple rule in my closet. If it is not a full yes, it is a no. Cost per use keeps me honest.
This mindset stretches beyond shopping. It is a decision to live with intention. To choose maintenance you can handle. To pursue goals with a steady pace rather than a frantic sprint.
Enough is a choice. It feels like relief.
What I am keeping, starting, and stopping
Keeping our family routines. They give me energy and make space for the fun parts.
Starting a monthly “buy time” budget. I am setting aside a small amount to outsource tasks that cause friction, even if it happens only once or twice a month. That could be a deep clean, or a driver so we can skip peak traffic to the airport.
Stopping automatic yeses. If something does not align with our family values of honesty, integrity, and strong work, it can wait. Sometimes it can wait forever.
A final thought
After talking to 50 families, my definition of luxury changed. I still love a good hotel and a perfect cappuccino.
I also think the quiet morning on our balcony, the walk to the market with Emilia, and the dinner we cook from scratch are just as rich.
Luxury is presence. Luxury is margin.
Luxury is the good life lived on purpose, one ordinary day at a time.
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