While we've all cringed at oversharing posts and relationship drama playing out in real-time, the most respected people online have quietly mastered a powerful skill that separates digital wisdom from social media chaos.
Ever notice how some people's social media feeds feel like an emotional rollercoaster, while others maintain this quiet dignity that draws you in?
I've been thinking about this a lot lately, especially after scrolling through my feed and watching friends share everything from their morning coffee moods to their deepest relationship struggles. There's nothing inherently wrong with sharing, but I've noticed the people I respect most online have mastered something crucial: knowing what to keep private.
After years of studying psychology and writing about emotional intelligence, I've realized that what we don't share often says more about our maturity than what we do. The most emotionally intelligent people understand that social media is a tool, not a diary, and they use it with intention rather than impulse.
Here are ten things you'll rarely, if not never, see emotionally intelligent people posting on their feeds.
1. Their relationship drama
We all know that couple who turns Facebook into their personal battlefield. One posts a passive-aggressive quote about trust, the other responds with a cryptic status about "knowing your worth."
Emotionally intelligent people understand that airing relationship issues online doesn't solve problems; it creates them. They know that real intimacy requires privacy, and that bringing strangers into your personal conflicts only adds fuel to the fire.
When my wife and I hit rough patches (and yes, even after moving to Vietnam for love, we still have them), we talk it out over coffee, not through competing Instagram stories.
2. Vague posts fishing for sympathy
"Some people just don't get it..."
"Feeling betrayed right now."
"Why do I even bother?"
Sound familiar? These vague-booking posts are designed to trigger concern and curiosity, but emotionally intelligent people recognize them for what they are: manipulation dressed up as vulnerability.
In my book Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego, I explore how authentic communication requires clarity and intention. If you need support, ask for it directly. If you're not ready to share details, wait until you are.
Real vulnerability means being specific about your struggles when you choose to share them, not dropping mysterious hints that leave people guessing.
3. Photos of other people's children without permission
This one should be obvious, but scroll through your feed and you'll see it everywhere. Emotionally intelligent people understand that posting photos of someone else's kids without explicit permission violates both trust and privacy.
They recognize that parents have different comfort levels about their children's online presence, and they respect those boundaries without question.
4. Humblebrags disguised as complaints
"Ugh, another business class upgrade. I just wanted to sleep in economy!"
"So exhausted from all these job offers. How do I choose?"
Come on, we all see through this. Emotionally intelligent people know that if you want to celebrate success, just celebrate it. Own your achievements without the fake modesty.
5. Constant complaints about work
Here's something I learned the hard way early in my career: your boss, colleagues, and future employers are all on social media.
That rant about your annoying coworker? Your manager might see it. The post about how much you hate Mondays? Your dream company's recruiter just scrolled past it.
Emotionally intelligent people vent to trusted friends offline, not to hundreds of acquaintances online. They understand that professional reputation takes years to build and seconds to destroy.
6. Political arguments with strangers
Have you ever seen someone change their political views because of a Facebook argument? Me neither.
Emotionally intelligent people understand that social media arguments generate heat, not light. They know that complex political discussions require nuance, good faith, and patience — three things that rarely exist in comment sections.
This doesn't mean staying silent on issues that matter. In Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego, I discuss how mindful action comes from a place of calm intention, not reactive emotion. Share your values, support causes you believe in, but don't get sucked into endless debates with people who aren't interested in genuine dialogue.
7. Every detail of their luxury purchases
Just bought a Rolex? New Tesla in the driveway? Designer bag collection growing?
Cool, but emotionally intelligent people know that constantly showcasing wealth creates distance, not connection. They understand that true confidence doesn't need external validation through material displays.
More importantly, they recognize that flaunting wealth can damage relationships and attract the wrong kind of attention.
8. Unverified news or conspiracy theories
In our age of information overload, sharing unverified news isn't just irresponsible; it reveals a lack of critical thinking.
Emotionally intelligent people fact-check before they share. They understand that spreading misinformation, even unintentionally, damages their credibility and potentially harms others.
They ask themselves: Is this true? Is this helpful? Is this necessary? If the answer to any of these is no, they keep scrolling.
9. Screenshots of private conversations
Whether it's a text from an ex, a DM from a friend, or an email from a colleague, sharing private conversations publicly breaks the fundamental social contract of trust.
Emotionally intelligent people understand that private means private. They know that posting screenshots for vindication or sympathy might feel good in the moment but destroys relationships and reputation in the long run.
10. Emotional reactions in real-time
Just got fired? Partner broke up with you? Received devastating news?
Your first instinct might be to share, but emotionally intelligent people understand the power of the pause. They know that posting in the heat of emotion often leads to oversharing, misrepresentation, or saying things they'll later regret.
They give themselves time to process before deciding what, if anything, to share with their online world.
Final words
Living between Saigon and Singapore has taught me that different cultures have different relationships with privacy and sharing. But regardless of where you're from, emotional intelligence means understanding that social media is a public stage, not a private journal.
The art of selective sharing isn't about being fake or hiding your true self. It's about recognizing that boundaries create respect, privacy preserves intimacy, and restraint demonstrates maturity.
Next time you're about to post, ask yourself: Will this add value to someone's day? Will I be comfortable with this being public forever? Am I sharing this for connection or attention?
The most interesting people I know share just enough to stay connected but hold back enough to remain mysterious. They understand that in an age of oversharing, selective silence is a superpower.
