While most of us spend decades perfecting the art of avoidance, those who truly embody Baldwin's transformative principle have mastered something far more difficult—and the eight traits they share might explain why your life feels stuck despite all your efforts to move forward.
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James Baldwin once wrote something that stopped me in my tracks: "Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced."
I discovered this quote during a particularly rough patch at 36, when burnout had me questioning everything I thought I knew about success. What struck me most wasn't just the wisdom in those words, but how desperately I'd been avoiding exactly what Baldwin was talking about. Looking back now, I realize that people who truly live by this principle share certain traits that most of us spend our entire lives running from.
These aren't comfortable traits to develop. They require us to do the one thing we're hardwired to avoid: face reality head-on, even when it hurts.
They tolerate being uncomfortable
Have you ever noticed how much energy we spend trying to feel comfortable all the time? We avoid difficult conversations, dodge challenging situations, and create elaborate mental gymnastics to sidestep anything that makes us squirm.
But here's what I've learned: growth lives in discomfort. When I finally started therapy after my burnout, I had to sit with feelings I'd been numbing for years. It was excruciating. Yet that discomfort was exactly where the change began.
Amy Morin, LCSW, a licensed clinical social worker and psychotherapist, captures this perfectly: "Mentally strong people experience the same fears as everyone else. Rather than avoid the things that cause them discomfort, however, they work to conquer their fears, and are willing to tolerate anxiety-provoking situations in order to reach new heights."
The people who embody Baldwin's principle understand that temporary discomfort beats permanent stagnation every single time.
They admit when they're wrong
This one still makes me cringe. I used to be the person who'd argue a point into the ground rather than admit I might be mistaken. Being right felt like oxygen to me.
Then came a humbling realization during therapy: my need to be right was destroying my relationships. The moment I started saying "I was wrong about that" or "I hadn't considered that perspective," something shifted. People started trusting me more, not less. They saw someone willing to face their own limitations.
Admitting you're wrong requires facing the truth that you're fallible. Most people would rather protect their ego than grow. But those who live by Baldwin's words understand that facing your mistakes is the only way to stop repeating them.
They ask for help
For years, I wore my independence like armor. Asking for help felt like admitting defeat. Sound familiar?
The truth is, asking for help means facing the reality that you can't do everything alone. And wow, does that reality sting for those of us raised to believe that self-sufficiency equals strength.
When I finally asked for help during my burnout, I had to face my own limitations. I had to acknowledge that my way wasn't working. That vulnerability felt like standing naked in a snowstorm. But it also opened doors I didn't even know existed.
They feel their feelings fully
Remember that therapy session I mentioned? The one where I cried for the first time in years? That moment taught me how much emotional energy I'd been using to suppress what I was actually feeling.
Most people become masters at emotional avoidance. We stay busy, we intellectualize, we minimize. Anything to avoid actually feeling the grief, anger, or fear that's sitting right there in our chest.
People who face what needs to be faced don't run from emotions. They sit with them, ugly as they might be. They understand that unfelt feelings don't disappear; they just go underground and sabotage you in ways you don't see coming.
It's worth noting that this kind of slow, quiet depletion — the kind that happens when we keep avoiding instead of facing — is exactly what we unpack in VegOut's February issue, comparing burnout to topsoil loss. Different framing, same uncomfortable truth.
They set boundaries with people they love
This might be the hardest one. Setting boundaries means facing the possibility that someone you care about might not like the real you, the one with needs and limits.
I had to face my parents' disappointment when I left my finance career. For months, I avoided the conversation, hoping somehow they'd magically understand. But avoiding it only made things worse. When I finally faced their disappointment head-on, it hurt like hell. But it also freed me from trying to live for their approval.
Most people would rather suffer in silence than risk disappointing someone they love. But those who embrace Baldwin's principle understand that authentic relationships require honest boundaries.
They examine their own role in problems
It's so much easier to blame external circumstances, isn't it? The economy, your boss, your partner, your childhood. And sure, these things matter. But focusing only on external factors means never facing your own contribution to the situation.
During my achievement addiction recovery, I had to face an uncomfortable truth: I was choosing to tie my worth to external validation. Nobody was forcing me. That recognition was brutal but necessary.
People who live by Baldwin's words don't waste time playing victim. They ask themselves, "What's my part in this?" Because that's the only part they can actually change.
They have difficult conversations
How many important conversations are you avoiding right now? The talk with your partner about something that's bothering you? The discussion with your boss about your workload? The confrontation with a friend who crossed a line?
Research on psychological resilience shows that individuals who confront adversity often develop qualities such as optimism, emotional regulation, and problem-solving abilities, which help them adapt and thrive in challenging situations.
Most of us would rather let resentment build than have one uncomfortable conversation. But people who face what needs facing understand that avoided conversations become bigger problems. They'd rather have five minutes of discomfort than five years of resentment.
They accept reality without sugar-coating
We're masters at creating stories that make reality more palatable. "They didn't mean it that way." "It's not that bad." "Things will get better on their own."
But sugar-coating reality means you never actually deal with reality. You deal with a fantasy version that requires no action, no change, no growth.
People who embody Baldwin's principle see things as they are, not as they wish they were. They don't catastrophize, but they don't minimize either. They look reality square in the eye and ask, "Now what?"
Final thoughts
Living by Baldwin's principle isn't about being fearless or strong or special. It's about being willing to stop running from what's already there.
Every trait I've described requires facing something most of us would rather avoid. That's precisely why they're so powerful. When you stop spending energy on avoidance, you have energy for actual change.
I'm not perfect at this. There are still things I avoid, conversations I postpone, realities I'd rather not see. But I've learned that the discomfort of facing something is always temporary. The consequences of avoiding it can last a lifetime.
What would change in your life if you stopped avoiding and started facing? Baldwin's words remind us that while facing our truth doesn't guarantee change, avoiding it guarantees nothing will change at all.
The choice, uncomfortable as it might be, is always ours.
