8 phrases people over 60 are tired of hearing from younger generations

"You're so tech-savvy for your age!"

I overheard this at a coffee shop last week, watching a twenty-something praise a silver-haired woman for using Apple Pay. The woman's smile was polite, but I caught the slight eye roll as she turned away.

It got me thinking about all the well-meaning but exhausting phrases that people over 60 hear constantly from younger folks. After spending nearly two decades in finance and now volunteering at farmers' markets where I work alongside people of all ages, I've witnessed these interactions countless times. And honestly? I get why older adults are tired of hearing them.

The thing is, most of us don't realize how patronizing we can sound. We think we're being kind or complimentary, but we're actually reinforcing stereotypes that need to retire. So if you want to have more genuine, respectful conversations with the older adults in your life, here are eight phrases you might want to reconsider.

1. "You're so tech-savvy for your age"

This one tops the list for a reason.

Think about it: many people in their 60s and 70s were using computers before millennials were born. They adapted to the internet, smartphones, and social media just like everyone else. Acting surprised when they can use basic technology? That's like being shocked that someone can tie their shoes.

I remember helping my parents downsize their home and finding my dad's old programming manuals from the 1980s. This man built computer systems when monitors were still green text on black screens. Yet people act amazed when he posts on Facebook.

The assumption that technology equals youth ignores the fact that older generations literally invented most of the tech we use today. Steve Jobs would have been 69 this year. Bill Gates is 69. These aren't anomalies.

2. "You must be retired by now"

Not everyone over 60 is counting down to retirement or already there. Some people love their work. Others need to keep working for financial reasons. And plenty are starting entirely new careers or businesses in their 60s and beyond.

When I left my financial analyst position after witnessing the 2008 crisis firsthand, I saw colleagues in their 60s who had lost huge chunks of their retirement savings. They couldn't afford to retire even if they wanted to. Making assumptions about someone's work status based on age alone can be awkward at best and hurtful at worst.

Plus, the traditional retirement model is changing. Many people are choosing phased retirement, consulting work, or passion projects that blur the lines between work and leisure. Asking "What are you up to these days?" opens the door for people to share what they want without the assumption.

3. "You're too old for that"

Whether it's about dating apps, adventure travel, or starting a new hobby, this phrase needs to go.

Age doesn't automatically disqualify someone from trying new things or continuing activities they love. I regularly trail run with a group that includes several runners in their 60s and 70s who leave younger runners in the dust. They're tired of hearing that they should "slow down" or "be careful at their age."

One woman in my running group started marathoning at 62. She's completed eight so far. Every time someone expresses shock about her "late start," she reminds them that she has plenty of good years left to pursue what makes her happy.

4. "Back in your day"

Here's a reality check: their day is today. Right now. They're living in the same present moment as everyone else.

This phrase creates an artificial divide, as if people over 60 exist in some time capsule separated from current events. They're watching the same news, dealing with the same economy, and navigating the same world as younger generations. They just happen to have more context from lived experience.

When my mother had surgery and I served as her caregiver, she spent her recovery binge-watching the latest Netflix series and discussing current political events with more nuance than most people I know. Her "day" isn't some distant past. It's today, just like mine and yours.

5. "Let me do that for you"

Unless someone has asked for help or is clearly struggling, jumping in to assist assumes incompetence.

This happens constantly at the farmers' market where I volunteer. Younger volunteers rush to carry boxes for older volunteers who've been hauling produce for decades. The intention is kind, but the message received is often "I don't think you're capable."

My dad experienced his heart attack at 68, and even during his recovery, he was frustrated by people treating him like he was fragile. Yes, he needed some help during that time, but he was still capable of determining what that help should be. Offering assistance is wonderful. Assuming someone needs it without asking first? Not so much.

6. "You wouldn't understand"

This dismissive phrase suggests that age creates an insurmountable barrier to understanding modern problems, trends, or challenges.

But here's what younger folks might not realize: people over 60 have likely faced similar situations, just in different contexts. Financial stress? They've navigated multiple recessions. Relationship drama? Career uncertainty? Health scares? They've been there.

During the 2008 crisis, I watched senior analysts who'd weathered previous market crashes provide the calmest, most rational guidance while younger colleagues panicked. Their experience didn't make them out of touch. It made them invaluable.

7. "That's adorable"

Using infantilizing language when older adults share their interests, opinions, or achievements is incredibly patronizing. Their marathon training isn't "adorable." Their new relationship isn't "cute." Their business venture isn't "sweet."

Would you use these words for a 40-year-old doing the same things? Probably not. So why does adding twenty years suddenly make someone's activities worthy of the same praise we give to toddlers learning to walk?

8. "At your age, you should..."

Should what? Slow down? Stop learning? Dress differently? Give up on dreams?

This phrase comes loaded with societal expectations about what's "appropriate" for certain ages. But who decided these rules? At 60, 70, or beyond, people have earned the right to make their own choices about how they live, what they wear, what they pursue, and what matters to them.

While going through my parents' belongings during their downsizing, I found my old report cards that my mother had saved. They all mentioned my perfectionism and need to meet expectations. Now I realize how much of that came from internalizing messages about what people "should" do at every stage of life. People over 60 are tired of shoulds. They've had a lifetime of them.

Final thoughts

Good intentions don't always translate to respectful communication. Most of us genuinely want to connect with and show appreciation for older adults in our lives, but these common phrases can create barriers instead of bridges.

The solution is pretty simple: talk to people over 60 the same way you'd talk to anyone else. Ask questions instead of making assumptions. Share experiences without creating artificial generational divides. Offer help when it's requested, not when you assume it's needed.

Remember, getting older is a privilege not everyone gets. The people who've made it to 60 and beyond have accumulated wisdom, resilience, and stories that deserve respect, not patronizing phrases. They're not living in the past or separate from modern life. They're here, now, navigating the same world with the added benefit of perspective.

Next time you're in conversation with someone over 60, skip these tired phrases. Instead, try genuine curiosity and authentic connection. You might be surprised by what you learn when you stop focusing on age and start focusing on the person.