7 things grandparents secretly wish their adult grandchildren would do more often

When I visited my grandmother last month, she held my hand a little longer than usual at the door.

"You know," she said softly, "your grandfather and I talk about you kids all the time." There was something in her voice that made me pause. Not sadness exactly, but a kind of wistfulness that stuck with me long after I left.

That moment got me thinking about all the unspoken wishes our grandparents carry. After my father's heart attack at 68, I became more attuned to what the older generation in my family really needed but rarely asked for.

Through conversations with friends and their grandparents, plus my own experiences helping my parents navigate aging, I've discovered there's a whole world of quiet hopes that grandparents harbor about their adult grandchildren.

Here are seven things they secretly wish we'd do more often.

1. Call them just to chat, not just on holidays

Your grandmother doesn't need a reason for your call. She doesn't need it to be her birthday or Christmas. What she really wants is to hear your voice on a random Tuesday afternoon.

I learned this the hard way when I was helping my mother recover from surgery. During those long days together, she mentioned how her own mother used to light up whenever the phone rang, hoping it was one of her grandchildren. "She'd tell me about every single call for weeks afterward," my mom said.

The thing is, grandparents often feel like they're bothering us if they call too often. They worry about interrupting our busy lives. So they wait, hoping we'll reach out first. A five-minute call about nothing in particular can mean everything to them. Tell them about the weird thing that happened at work, the show you're watching, or ask them about their day. These ordinary moments are what they crave most.

2. Ask about their stories and actually listen

When was the last time you asked your grandparents about their first job? Their first date? The house they grew up in?

While helping my parents downsize their home, I found boxes of photographs and letters I'd never seen before. Each one held a story I'd never heard. My parents weren't just my parents anymore; they were young people with dreams, heartbreaks, and adventures I knew nothing about.

Your grandparents are walking history books, but more than that, they're individuals with rich inner lives and experiences that shaped who they are. They want to share these stories, but they often hold back, thinking we're not interested or too busy.

Ask specific questions. Instead of "How was your childhood?" try "What did you do for fun when you were a teenager?" Then put your phone away and really listen. You might be surprised by what you learn.

3. Include them in your everyday life

Grandparents don't always want to be relegated to formal Sunday dinners and holiday gatherings. They want to be part of your regular world.

This could mean inviting them to your Saturday morning farmers market run (something I've started doing regularly) or asking if they want to come along when you're running errands. Maybe it's sending them photos from your daily life, not just the big occasions.

They want to know what your apartment looks like, meet your friends, see where you work. These glimpses into your everyday existence make them feel connected to who you are now, not just who you were as a child.

4. Ask for their advice and opinions

Here's something that might surprise you: your grandparents have probably navigated a situation similar to what you're going through right now. Whether it's relationship troubles, work stress, or financial decisions, they've been there.

Yet we often forget to tap into this wisdom. We assume their advice might be outdated or that they won't understand modern problems. But human nature hasn't changed that much. The core challenges of life remain remarkably similar across generations.

When I started having honest conversations with my parents about mental health, breaking our family's generational silence on the topic, I discovered they had insights I never expected. They'd faced their own struggles and had perspectives that actually helped me understand my own challenges better.

Your grandparents want to feel useful and valued. Asking for their input shows that you respect their experience and still need them in your life.

5. Show interest in their current lives

It's easy to see grandparents as fixed in time, always the same whenever we visit. But they're still living, growing, and experiencing new things.

Ask about their friends, their hobbies, what they're reading or watching. Many grandparents are more tech-savvy than we give them credit for. They might be in book clubs, taking classes, or involved in community activities we know nothing about.

One friend told me she was shocked to discover her grandmother had started taking painting classes at 82 and was actually quite good. She'd never mentioned it because she assumed her grandchildren wouldn't be interested in an old lady's hobby.

Treat them as the dynamic people they still are, not as nostalgic fixtures from your childhood.

6. Share your struggles, not just your successes

We often present only our highlight reel to our grandparents. We share promotions, engagements, and achievements, but hide our failures, fears, and frustrations.

This creates distance. Your grandparents don't want to be kept at arm's length with a curated version of your life. They want to support you through tough times, offer comfort, and remind you that setbacks are temporary.

During a particularly difficult period in my life after leaving corporate work, I finally opened up to my grandmother about my struggles. Instead of judgment, I found understanding and stories of her own challenges that I'd never heard before. That vulnerability brought us closer than years of polite success stories ever had.

7. Make plans with them one-on-one

Family gatherings are wonderful, but they can be chaotic. Your grandparents treasure the chance to spend quality time with you individually, without the distraction of other family members.

Consider taking your grandmother to lunch, just the two of you. Or spend an afternoon helping your grandfather with a project in his garage. These one-on-one moments allow for deeper conversations and connections that get lost in group settings.

I started doing this after my father's health scare, realizing how precious individual time with family members really is. These solo visits have led to some of my most meaningful conversations and memories with my grandparents.

Final thoughts

The beautiful thing about these wishes is that they're all so achievable. They don't require grand gestures or expensive gifts. They just need our time, attention, and genuine interest.

Our grandparents won't be around forever. This isn't meant to guilt you, but rather to inspire action while we still have the chance. Every small effort matters more than you might think.

Start with just one thing from this list. Make that phone call today. Ask that question you've been curious about. Send that random photo from your lunch break. These simple acts bridge the generational gap and fulfill those secret wishes our grandparents are too polite or proud to voice.

Remember, they don't want to be a burden or an obligation. They just want to be part of our lives in meaningful ways. And honestly? We need them as much as they need us. Their wisdom, perspective, and unconditional love are gifts we shouldn't take for granted.