You gave up promotions, ignored your aching body, let friendships fade, and watched your marriage grow cold—all while your children remained blissfully unaware of the person you used to be.
Growing up, I watched my parents pour everything into our family. My mother would grade papers until midnight, then wake up at 5 AM to pack our lunches. My father spent weekends fixing things around the house instead of pursuing his love for woodworking. They never complained, never asked for recognition. It wasn't until I became an adult that I realized how many dreams they quietly set aside.
If you're a boomer reading this, you probably have your own version of this story, except you're the parent in it. You're the one who made countless sacrifices that went unnoticed, unacknowledged, maybe even criticized by younger generations who don't fully grasp what you gave up.
Today, I want to honor those sacrifices. Because someone should.
1. Your career dreams for their college funds
Remember when you had that opportunity to start your own business? Or when that promotion meant relocating, but you couldn't uproot your teenagers from their schools and friends?
You chose stability over ambition. You stayed in jobs that paid the bills rather than ones that fed your soul. Every paycheck went toward braces, college savings, car insurance for teenage drivers. You watched colleagues climb ladders while you stayed put, ensuring your family had health insurance and a steady income.
When I was 23, working as a junior analyst, I thought 70-hour weeks were brutal. But then I remembered my father, an engineer who turned down consulting opportunities that would have tripled his income because they required constant travel. He wanted to be home for dinner, to coach Little League, to help with homework.
Your kids might not realize that the comfortable life they had growing up came at the cost of your professional aspirations. They see other parents who "made it big" without understanding that you could have too, if you'd been willing to sacrifice family for fortune.
2. Your body and health for their activities
How many Saturday mornings did you wake up exhausted, body aching, but still drove to soccer practice? How many evenings did you skip the gym to attend school plays, band concerts, parent-teacher conferences?
You put off doctor's appointments because they conflicted with your kids' schedules. You ignored that persistent back pain from years of carrying toddlers, lifting strollers, bending over to tie tiny shoes. Your knees hurt from kneeling beside beds for nighttime prayers and sitting on bleachers for countless games.
The healthy habits you'd maintained in your twenties slowly disappeared. Meal planning meant making sure the kids ate vegetables, even if you grabbed fast food on your lunch break. Exercise became chasing toddlers around the park rather than the running routine you once loved.
Now, when younger generations talk about self-care and boundaries, you might feel a pang of resentment. Not because you disagree with these concepts, but because nobody ever told you it was okay to prioritize your health. You were taught that good parents sacrifice everything, including their well-being.
3. Your marriage for their stability
This one's tough to talk about, but it needs to be said.
How many date nights did you cancel? How many conversations with your spouse got interrupted, postponed, forgotten in the chaos of raising kids? You became co-managers of a household rather than lovers. Romance took a backseat to homework help and bedtime routines.
Some of you stayed in marriages that had grown cold because divorce would have devastated your children financially and emotionally. You slept in separate beds, lived parallel lives, but maintained the facade of a happy family. You believed that staying together "for the kids" was the noble choice, even as loneliness ate away at you.
Others watched their marriages crumble under the pressure. Working full-time while managing a household, you had nothing left to give your partner at the end of the day. The person you fell in love with became a stranger living in the same house.
Your children probably don't know about the counseling sessions you couldn't afford, the dreams of traveling together that never materialized, the quiet grief of losing your best friend to the demands of parenthood.
4. Your friendships for their social lives
When was the last time you had a real conversation with your best friend from college? When did your social life become entirely about your children's activities?
You traded wine nights with friends for driving kids to sleepovers. Book clubs gave way to PTA meetings. Weekend trips with friends became impossible when every Saturday was booked with youth sports, dance recitals, or birthday parties.
Your social circle shrank to other parents you met through your kids. Conversations revolved around child-rearing, school drama, which teacher was good and which to avoid. The interesting, multifaceted person you used to be got buried under the role of "mom" or "dad."
Now your kids have their own rich social lives, maybe even comment that you should "get out more" or "find some hobbies." They don't understand that you had hobbies, you had friends, you had a life beyond them. You gave it up so they could have theirs.
5. Your parents for their childhood
Here's something that haunts many boomers: you were sandwiched between two generations that needed you.
While raising your own children, your parents started aging. But instead of being able to care for them properly, you had to choose. Piano recitals or sitting with your mother during chemo. Helping with algebra homework or helping your father after his stroke.
You juggled caregiving duties that pulled you in opposite directions. Your kids needed you to be present for their milestones. Your parents needed you to be present for their decline. You were constantly failing someone, constantly feeling guilty.
When my own mother needed surgery, I became her caregiver while trying to maintain my demanding career. I can't imagine doing that while also raising children. Yet that's exactly what so many boomers did, quietly, without complaint, because what other choice was there?
Your children might remember grandma and grandpa fondly, not knowing about the 3 AM phone calls, the emergency room visits you handled alone, the way you protected them from seeing their grandparents' hardest moments.
6. Your financial security for their opportunities
Every opportunity you gave your children came with a price tag you're still paying.
Private schools, tutors, sports equipment, musical instruments, summer camps, study abroad programs. You refinanced the house, dipped into retirement savings, worked second jobs. You justified it by saying you wanted them to have every chance to succeed.
But now you're approaching retirement with less than you should have. While financial advisors preach about compound interest and starting early, you were writing checks for college tuition instead of contributing to your 401k. You chose their future over your own financial security.
Your children might not understand why you can't retire at 65 like you'd planned, why you're still working, still worried about money. They got their education, their opportunities, their head starts in life. The cost of providing those things remains invisible to them.
7. Your identity for their needs
Perhaps the biggest sacrifice of all: you lost yourself.
The person you were before children became a ghost. Your interests, passions, dreams, even your name got replaced. You became "Mom" or "Dad" to your kids, "so-and-so's parent" to everyone else.
You used to paint, write, play guitar, garden, read philosophy, follow politics, have opinions about art and music. But somewhere along the way, these pieces of yourself got boxed up and stored away. There wasn't time. There wasn't energy. There wasn't space in your life for the person you used to be.
Now, as your children build their own lives, you're left wondering who you are without them. The empty nest isn't just about missing your kids. It's about confronting the stranger in the mirror and trying to remember who you wanted to be before you became who they needed you to be.
Final thoughts
If you're a boomer reading this and feeling seen, know that your sacrifices mattered. Even if they were never acknowledged, even if they're sometimes criticized by younger generations who had different choices, different values, different circumstances.
You did what you thought was right with the information and resources you had. You loved the best way you knew how.
And if you're from a younger generation reading this, maybe it's time to have a conversation with your parents. Ask them about their dreams, their sacrifices, the persons they were before you existed.
Thank them. Even if it's decades late. Even if it feels awkward. Even if you would have made different choices.
Because everyone deserves to have their sacrifices acknowledged, their love recognized, their choices honored.
Especially the generation that gave up everything and asked for nothing in return.
