The tiny, almost invisible decisions you make every single day are secretly building or destroying your reputation—and most people never realize it until it's too late.
Ever notice how some people just seem to command respect while others get constantly overlooked?
I used to wonder about this a lot, especially after being passed over for promotion twice despite outperforming my male colleagues. At first, I thought it was just bad luck or maybe systemic issues at play. And while those factors definitely existed, I eventually realized something else: I was making small daily choices that were quietly undermining how others saw me.
These weren't big, obvious mistakes. They were tiny decisions, habits so ingrained I didn't even notice them. But once I started paying attention and making different choices, everything shifted. People started taking me more seriously. My ideas got heard. The respect I'd been craving finally showed up.
Here are the ten small daily choices that make all the difference between being respected or dismissed.
1. How you greet people in the morning
Think about it: do you walk into a room with your head down, mumbling a quick "morning" while staring at your phone? Or do you look people in the eye, smile, and give them a genuine greeting?
This tiny choice sets the tone for every interaction that follows. When I started making eye contact and actually acknowledging people properly, I noticed they started seeking me out for important conversations. They remembered me. They included me.
Maya Angelou said it best: "People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." That feeling starts with how you show up in those first moments of contact.
2. Whether you finish what you start
We all know that person who's full of big ideas and grand plans but never follows through. They start projects with enthusiasm, make promises they don't keep, and leave a trail of unfinished business behind them.
Every time you choose to complete something you committed to, even something small like responding to that email you've been avoiding or finishing that book you started, you're building a reputation as someone reliable. People notice. They remember who delivers and who doesn't.
I learned this the hard way when a colleague once told me, "I love your ideas, but I never know if you'll actually do anything with them." Ouch. But it was the wake-up call I needed.
3. How quickly you respond to messages
You don't need to be glued to your phone 24/7, but the speed and quality of your responses send a message about how much you value others' time and input.
Leaving someone on read for days? Taking weeks to reply to a simple question? These choices communicate that the person isn't a priority. On the flip side, consistently quick, thoughtful responses show respect for others and their needs.
Set boundaries, absolutely. But within your working hours or reasonable social expectations, make the choice to be responsive. It's such a simple way to show you're engaged and present.
4. Whether you keep your word on small things
"I'll send you that article." "Let's grab coffee next week." "I'll introduce you to my contact."
How many times have you said something like this and then completely forgotten about it? These seem like throwaway comments, but each broken mini-promise chips away at your credibility.
I started keeping a simple note on my phone for these small commitments. When someone mentions they're looking for a good trail running spot, I actually send them my favorites later. When I say I'll make an introduction, I do it within 48 hours. These tiny follow-throughs build massive trust over time.
5. How you handle being wrong
Do you dig in your heels and defend your position even when evidence suggests otherwise? Or do you gracefully acknowledge when you've made a mistake or misunderstood something?
This one was tough for me. As a former "gifted child," being wrong felt like failure. But I learned that being right matters less than being kind, though this didn't come naturally. Now when I'm wrong, I simply say, "You know what? You're right. I hadn't thought of it that way."
People respect intellectual honesty far more than stubborn pride. Choose to be someone who can admit mistakes without making it a big drama.
6. Whether you gossip or redirect
When someone starts sharing juicy gossip or complaining about a mutual acquaintance, you have a choice. You can lean in and add your own complaints, or you can gently redirect the conversation.
"I haven't had that experience with them" or "Should we talk about something else?" might feel awkward at first, but these responses establish you as someone trustworthy. If you won't talk badly about others, people know you won't talk badly about them either.
7. How you treat service workers
Nothing reveals character quite like how you treat the barista, the delivery person, or the office cleaner. Do you make eye contact? Say thank you? Remember their names?
I once had a potential business partner who was charming with me but rude to our server at lunch. That told me everything I needed to know. People are always watching these interactions, consciously or not, and making judgments about your character.
8. Whether you listen or wait for your turn to talk
This was a game-changer for me. I used to be the friend who problem-solved everything, jumping in with solutions before people even finished explaining their situation. I thought I was being helpful.
Then I learned to be the friend who listens instead. Really listens. Without planning my response or thinking about my own similar experience. Just being present with what someone is sharing.
The shift was immediate. People started confiding in me more. They sought my input on important decisions. They trusted me with their real thoughts, not just surface-level chat.
9. How you handle your phone during conversations
Every time you glance at your phone mid-conversation, you're making a choice about what matters more: the notification or the person in front of you.
I get it, we're all addicted to these things. But choosing to put your phone face-down or in your pocket during conversations is such a simple way to show respect. It says, "You have my full attention. You matter."
10. Whether you take credit or share it
When something goes well, do you accept all the praise or do you highlight others' contributions? When you're complimented on a successful project, do you say "Thanks!" or "Thanks! Sarah really helped with the research and Tom's design ideas were crucial"?
During my years mentoring young women entering finance, I learned that representation matters, but so does recognition. Choosing to share credit doesn't diminish your achievements. It shows confidence, leadership, and awareness that success is rarely a solo endeavor.
Final thoughts
These choices might seem insignificant in isolation. But together, they create a pattern that either builds or erodes respect over time. The beautiful thing is that every single day, you get to make these choices again.
You don't need a complete personality overhaul or to become someone you're not. Just start with one or two of these small shifts. Pay attention to how people respond differently. Notice how you feel about yourself.
Respect isn't demanded or deserved automatically. It's earned through countless small moments where you choose to show up as someone worth respecting. And that choice is always yours to make.
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