“I’ve got it” is often code for “I’m drowning, but I don’t want to ask.”
I grew up believing that self-reliance was the golden ticket. It got me across continents, into new careers, and through the newborn haze with very little sleep.
But here in São Paulo, between morning walks with my husband to his office in Itaim Bibi and the dinner-bath-bottle relay every night with our daughter, I keep bumping into the truth I used to ignore: independence has a ceiling. Interdependence lets you breathe.
Below are nine phrases I catch myself and others saying when we’re carrying too much on our own shoulders. I’ll break down what sits under each one and offer a lighter alternative you can try today.
Before we dive in, a reminder I keep taped above my desk: “We don’t have to do this alone. We were never meant to.” I come back to it whenever my inner overachiever tries to run the entire show.
1. “It’s fine, I’ve got it.”
On the surface, this sounds confident. Underneath, it often means “I’m overwhelmed, but I don’t want to slow anyone down.” I say this when I’m juggling Slack messages, a simmering pot of feijão, and a toddler who wants to “help” set the table. It feels easier to power through than to explain what I need.
The reframe: “I can take A and B, can you handle C?” It’s specific and still competent. Competence doesn’t mean doing every single thing. It means getting to the outcome without burning out.
2. “Don’t worry about me.”
This usually translates to “Please don’t look too closely, I might spill.” Many of us learned that asking for attention equals being needy. So we minimize. I used to say this on group trips when I actually wanted someone to save me a seat or grab a coffee while I dealt with baby gear.
Try this: “I’m good for now. If you’re heading to the kitchen, could you pour me some water?” It’s a small ask, and it builds a muscle. People like helping in clear, bite-sized ways.
3. “I hate asking for help.”
Honesty points for naming it. But the belief under this sentence is sticky. We fear that help reveals incompetence. It doesn’t. It reveals we understand tradeoffs.
Reframe: “I’m comfortable taking the lead on X, and I’d like help with Y.” It communicates standards plus openness and invites others to contribute their strengths.
4. “It’s faster if I do it myself.”
Sometimes that’s true. It’s also short-term thinking. I repeat this when I’m itching to re-stack the dishwasher or rewrite a colleague’s draft. The problem is you become the permanent bottleneck. Teaching takes time now and gives time back later.
Swap: “I can show you how I like this done, and then it’s yours.” The first week takes patience; after that, you get your time back.
5. “No worries, I already took care of it.”
Preemption is a self-reliant person’s love language. We pay bills early, answer emails before lunch, and confirm the reservation twice. The hidden cost is that others never learn the rhythm because we always step in—then we resent them for not noticing.
Try: “I booked dinner for Friday. Next time, can you handle the reservation?” Delegation is a conversation, not a silent test.
6. “I’ll figure it out.”
Of course you will. You always do. But does it need to be you, this time, in this way? There’s a difference between being resourceful and being stubborn.
Better line: “I’m stuck on step 3. Who’s the right person to ask?” You’re still taking initiative, just with a map.
7. “I don’t want to be a burden.”
This phrase lives deep for many of us. Maybe your family praised stoicism. Maybe you learned that your needs were too much. It can keep you from asking for simple, nourishing help that people would gladly give.
Practice: “I could use some support with X. Here are two options that would help.” Specific requests make it easier for others to say yes.
8. “I shouldn’t need help.”
Says who? There’s no prize for white-knuckling your way through life. Routines, childcare, a clear division of labor—these are forms of help. It’s not weakness to design your life so it works.
Shift: “I’m choosing help so I can focus on what matters.” That turns shame into strategy.
9. “I’m used to doing everything myself.”
Many of us wore this like a badge. It can feel capable and safe—and lonely. True strength shows up in how we connect, not in how we isolate.
Experiment: This week, choose one area to un-solo: groceries, logistics for a date night, or bedtime cleanup. Ask someone trustworthy to own it. Receive the help without micromanaging. Notice your shoulders drop.
How to swap lone-wolf language for connection language
- Instead of “I’ve got it,” say “I can own this part if you handle that part.”
- Instead of “Don’t worry about me,” say “I’m good, and I’d love a glass of water if you’re up.”
- Instead of “I hate asking for help,” say “Here’s where I’d like your help.”
- Instead of “It’s faster if I do it,” say “I’ll teach it once, then it’s yours.”
- Instead of “I already took care of it,” say “I booked it; can you take next time?”
- Instead of “I’ll figure it out,” say “Who’s the best person to ask about step 3?”
- Instead of “I don’t want to be a burden,” say “Two options to help are A or B.”
- Instead of “I shouldn’t need help,” say “I’m choosing help to protect what matters.”
- Instead of “I’m used to doing everything myself,” say “I’m practicing delegating one thing this week.”
A personal note from my kitchen table
If you’ve been handling everything alone for years, I get it. You’ve kept things afloat beautifully. Keep the grit.
Add more reach. We weren’t meant to carry life solo.
Start with one phrase today. Trade it in for a softer, truer version.
The relief you feel is proof you’re on the right track.
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