7 social habits boomers think build connection—but just feel awkward to Gen Z

We all want to feel understood, right?

Yet when I listen to twenty-somethings swap stories about awkward moments with their parents—or watch my own nieces freeze when their grandfather barrels in for a bear hug—I’m reminded that what feels warm to one generation can land as weird to another.

Boomers grew up in a pre-digital world where proximity and spontaneity were the glue of connection. Gen Z, born into endless group chats and read-receipts, often craves a little more breathing room.

Neither side is wrong; they’re just playing by different rulebooks.

Below are seven seemingly well-meaning social habits that boomers swear create instant rapport, yet often make Gen Z squirm. 

1. Calling out of the blue

Remember the thrill of racing a sibling to the kitchen wall-phone because someone was calling just to chat?

Boomers still feel that buzz, but for Gen Z an unexpected ringtone can trigger the same startle response as a fire alarm.

“Today’s young people grew up in a world where texting is like breathing—they expect communication to be asynchronous,” notes psychologist Jean Twenge in iGen.

It’s not that they hate talking; they just like to opt in first. If you want to hear their voice, shoot a text—“Got five minutes for a call later?”—and you’ll often get an enthusiastic yes instead of an anxious maybe-later.

Try instead: Schedule micro-calls or swap short voice notes. You’ll still share tone and laughter, minus the jump-scare.

2. Popping by unannounced

I grew up in a cul-de-sac where neighbors wandered into each other’s garages to borrow garden shears.

It felt communal then, but my twenty-three-year-old intern told me she’s mortified when a relative “just drops in.” Her apartment is her sanctuary—and sometimes her office, gym, and meditation studio.

Good manners are really about respecting the other person’s comfort. A quick “Hey, I’m in the neighborhood—want company?” text honors that comfort without killing spontaneity.

Try instead: Plan porch coffee or a park stroll. You preserve the surprise element (“I’m free in 15!”) while giving them choice.

3. Sharing your life story in the first five minutes

Boomers often bond by opening a scrapbook of tales—divorces, surgeries, the time they met Springsteen.

Gen Z values vulnerability too, but they prefer it served in bite-size pieces after trust has simmered. Dumping decades of personal history on a first meeting can feel like emotional speed-dating.

I once watched my gardening buddy recount every detail of her 1980 honeymoon to my teenage niece, who nodded politely yet later whispered, “That was…a lot.” It wasn’t the story—it was the pacing.

Try instead: Offer a teaser (“I actually have a funny concert story about that song, remind me later”) and circle back when the relationship deepens.

4. Posting or tagging without permission

Boomers proudly upload reunion photos, boomerang every family dinner, and tag all nieces, nephews, and former colleagues for good measure.

Gen Z curates their digital footprint like an art gallery; an unflattering tag feels like graffiti.

MIT professor Sherry Turkle observes, “We’re tempted to think that our little ‘sips’ of online connection add up to a big gulp of real conversation—but they don’t.” Being photo-bombed online can erode, not bolster, real-life closeness.

Try instead: Ask first. A simple “Mind if I post this?” respects autonomy and keeps trust intact.

5. Complimenting appearance in intimate terms

A boomer might think nothing of saying, “You’d be so pretty if you smiled more,” or “That haircut shows off your neck.”

To Gen Z, comments that zoom in on body parts can feel like a spotlight they didn’t ask for. They prefer compliments on effort, creativity, or character.

I learned this the hard way after praising a junior colleague’s “cute figure” in a new outfit (cringe). Her stiff smile told me I’d slipped. The next day I tried again: “Your color choices always pop—you’ve got an eye for design.”

Her shoulders dropped, and we ended up chatting fabrics, not physiques.

Try instead: Swap body-centric praise for skill-centric kudos. “Your presentation flowed so smoothly” lands miles better than “You looked great up there.”

6. Hugging as default hello

If you were raised on free-love hugs and cheek kisses, physical warmth equals emotional warmth.

Gen Z—germ-savvy and consent-oriented—often prefers a wave or fist-bump unless you’re tight friends. A surprise embrace can spark a split-second freeze (or worse, a stiff arm).

During a volunteer shift at the farmers’ market, I watched a well-meaning boomer vendor greet college volunteers with hearty side-hugs. Some leaned in; others sidestepped.

By noon he’d pivoted: “Elbow bump or hug?” he asked each new helper. The queue moved faster, and nobody looked trapped.

Try instead: Make consent visible: “Hug, high-five, or handshake?” The question itself builds rapport.

7. Offering unsolicited life advice

Boomers survived recessions, parenting sans Google, and cars without backup cameras—so sharing hard-won wisdom feels loving.

Gen Z interprets rapid-fire advice (“Save 20%, buy a house, stay at one company!”) as criticism or outdated. They’d rather co-create solutions.

Ask yourself: Am I coaching or controlling? When my former finance colleagues discover my writer’s life, they sometimes launch into retirement-plan lectures. I appreciate the concern, but unless I invite it, their spreadsheet sermons miss the mark.

Try instead: Lead with curiosity. “Want to workshop ideas for that career pivot?” empowers them to say yes or no. If they opt in, share away—just sprinkle your stories, don’t dump them.

Final thoughts

Bridging a generational gap isn’t about walking on eggshells; it’s about noticing the eggs in the first place.

Each habit above began with good intentions—to connect, protect, celebrate. But connection isn’t one-size-fits-all. Boomers treasure spontaneity and tactile warmth; Gen Z treasures choice and digital agency.

When we translate rather than judge, relationships flourish.

So next time you reach for the phone, the hug, or the tag button, pause and ask: Is this building a bridge or a barrier?

Tiny tweaks—scheduling a quick call, sending a “post OK?” text, swapping advice for questions—can turn awkward moments into authentic bonds. And who knows? In a few decades, Gen Z will be the ones puzzling over whatever social quirks Generation Alpha invents.

With a little empathy now, they’ll handle that hand-off with grace.

Connection evolves; so can we.