7 conference call habits that make you seem desperate for approval

We’ve all been on that call—the one where someone is trying just a little too hard to be liked.

Maybe it’s us. (Been there.)

I spent years as a financial analyst glued to weekly status calls and quarterly reviews, and I learned this the humbling way: approval-seeking on a conference call doesn’t actually win respect. It just muddies your message.

If you’ve been wondering why your points don’t land or why your presence doesn’t read as confident, check yourself against these habits. Then try the simple swaps I use today when I want to sound steady, not needy.

1. Over-apologizing and hedging

“Sorry, quick question.” “This might be a dumb idea…” “I’m probably missing something, but…”

If every contribution arrives wrapped in an apology or a qualifier, you train people to expect a discount on your value. It’s kindness theater—well-intentioned, but it dilutes your credibility. You can be warm and still be direct.

Try this instead:
Swap apologies for clarity. “Two points and one question.” “Here’s my recommendation and why.” When feedback is warranted, thank rather than apologize: “Appreciate the context—that helps.”

As Brené Brown puts it, “Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind.” Bring your point in clean, then let the group react.

2. Echoing and over-praising

“I love that.” “Great point.” “+1 what Ashley said.” (Ten times in a row.)

A little affirmation builds rapport. Excessive echoing—especially toward leaders—reads as approval-hunting. It doesn’t advance the conversation; it just pads airtime and signals, “Please see me as agreeable.”

Try this instead:
Affirm once, then add value. “+1 to Ashley—here’s an example from last quarter that supports it.” Or, “I agree with the goal; I see one risk on timeline. My two-line mitigation is…” Tie praise to substance, not status.

3. Filling every silence

Silence on a call can feel like a void you need to repair—so you keep talking, adding caveats, repeating yourself, or rambling into side alleys.

The more you fill, the more you look like you’re selling rather than contributing.

There’s also the cognitive tax to consider. Virtual meetings drain us faster than in-person ones—research from Stanford’s Virtual Human Interaction Lab attributes “Zoom fatigue” to factors like constant eye contact, reduced mobility, and nonverbal overload. If you pile on words to avoid quiet, you’re adding to that fatigue rather than easing it. 

Try this instead:
Speak in clean blocks. Offer a headline, two bullets, and a question. Then stop. Count three breaths. Let your point work.

As Stephen R. Covey observed, “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” If you leave a little air, you make understanding easier.

4. Asking for constant validation

“Does that make sense?” after every sentence. “Are we all good with that?” five times per topic. “Is everyone okay if I…?” when the decision is already yours. The subtext is, “Reassure me I’m safe.”

Over-validating slows the room and broadcasts insecurity. People start responding to your anxiety instead of your ideas.

Try this instead:
Use one checkpoint at a natural break: “Pause—questions on that before I move on?” If you truly need a decision, be specific: “I’m choosing Option B for speed. Objections?” And if it’s your call to make, make it. Own it. “I’ll proceed with B and report back Friday.”

5. Camera theatrics: forced nodding, exaggerated laughter, performative presence

When you’re on video, it’s easy to act “engaged” instead of being engaged. The constant, eager nod. The laugh that’s two beats longer than the joke earned. The bounce-in-your-chair “I’m so excited!” while everyone else is on their second coffee.

You’re trying to be supportive, but it can signal you’re auditioning for approval. And let’s be honest: most teams read it as noise.

Try this instead:
Pick one natural signal of presence—steady eye contact with the camera when you speak, a single nod on agreement, or a concise comment in chat that adds context. If something’s funny, smile. If something’s not, don’t manufacture it. Authentic bandwidth beats performative enthusiasm.

6. Over-explaining your way to “yes”

I used to stack caveats like pancakes. “Here’s the model; I know we considered a different assumption last month, and I can pivot if needed, and also there’s this edge case, and maybe I should show three scenarios…” By the fifth slide, people were overwhelmed.

Approval-seeking often hides inside over-explaining: you’re trying to prove you’ve thought of everything so no one can disapprove.

Try this instead:
Lead with your conclusion and the two reasons that matter most. If you have detail, park it. “Recommend cutting SKU 12. It’s negative margin for three quarters and cannibalizing 8% of SKU 9.

Backup in the appendix if helpful.” When questions come, answer just enough. You don’t have to anticipate and pre-solve every possible critique to earn respect.

7. Fishing for praise in follow-ups

You end the call, then fire off a long recap email with a subtle hook: “Hope this was helpful!” “Please let me know if this meets your expectations!” “Was this okay?” Or you DM three people to ask, “How did I do?” It looks like you’re trying to collect gold stars.

I get the impulse. Feedback is fuel. But chasing it makes your work look unsure.

Try this instead:
Send a crisp recap with actions, owners, and dates. Full stop. If you want input, be targeted. “Two-minute gut check: is Tuesday or Thursday better for procurement’s review?”

If you want feedback on your performance, ask in a scheduled channel: “Can we do a quick retro after next month’s call? I want to get sharper on executive summaries.”

What to try instead

Below are practical “scripts” I lean on when I catch old habits creeping back in.

• Replacing apologies:
  “Thanks for the context; here’s what I’m proposing next.”
  “Jumping in with a perspective on timeline.”

• Crisp contribution formula:
  “Bottom line up front: [one sentence]. Two drivers: [bullet], [bullet]. Ask: [one question or decision].”

• One-and-done affirmation:
  “Agree on the direction—flagging a risk on dependencies. My suggestion is…”

• Silence tolerance:
  State your point, then take a sip of water. Let the room breathe.

• Decision language:
  “Given the constraints, I’m choosing X. Objections?”
  “I’ll own Y and report by Friday.”

• Exit from over-explaining:
  “Happy to go deeper if helpful; otherwise I’ll keep us moving.”

1. What this looks like in real life

Let me paint a meeting moment I’ve lived through (more than once):

Before
“I’m sorry—just a quick thought, and I might be off base. So I was looking at the customer churn data, and it’s interesting because, well, we changed the promo calendar last quarter, and I don’t know if that threw things off, and maybe the sample is small—but I was thinking maybe we should, possibly, consider re-running the model with a different lag… Does that make sense?”

After
“Recommendation: re-run churn with a four-week lag. Two reasons—promo calendar shift and low sample in Week 2. If the lag doesn’t change the slope, we proceed with the current plan. Questions before I move on?”

Notice the difference? Same consideration. Zero neediness. And faster.

2. How to reset your default signal

Approval-seeking is often a nervous system habit, not a character flaw. On calls, your default signal is either, “I belong here,” or, “Please let me belong.” To reset it:

• Prepare for outcomes, not applause. Jot the decision you need from the call and your one-sentence position. Bring that, not your self-doubt.

• Make the group smarter. That’s the only measure. If your comment clarifies, advances, or de-risks, you’ve done your job—even if no one claps.

• Let your work speak. If your insight is good, it will grow legs. You don’t need to pin a “Was this helpful?” note to it.

3. A quick checklist before you unmute

I keep this by my monitor on heavy meeting days:

• What’s my headline?

• Can I say it in 30 seconds?

• Do I need validation or a decision? (Ask for one, not both.)

• What’s the one question I want to land?

• Where can I stop talking?

Final thoughts

If any of these habits hit a nerve, that’s good news. It means you’re self-aware, which is half the work. The other half is reps—choosing clarity over apology, contribution over performance, and outcomes over approval.

When you do, something shifts. People stop reassuring you. They start relying on you.

And that’s a far better feeling than a flurry of thumbs-ups in the chat.