These changes happened slowly, one swap at a time, usually when something old finally wore out and I chose to replace it with something more intentional.
For most of my adult life, I dressed like I was always on my way to help someone move apartments.
If you had asked me back then, I would have said, “Clothes don’t matter, what counts is what is inside.”
While that is true on a human level, it is only half of the story.
What I did not fully understand is that our clothes are also part of how we communicate: They tell people how seriously to take us, how confident we feel, and sometimes even how we treat ourselves.
After a particularly rough year in my former life as a financial analyst, I caught my reflection in the mirrored elevator doors at work and thought, “If I passed myself in the street, I would not assume this woman is ambitious, creative, or even awake.”
That moment kicked off a slow wardrobe overhaul that had very little to do with trends and everything to do with self respect and psychology.
Here are the six specific swaps I made that completely changed how people responded to me, at work, in friendships, and even when I was buying carrots at the farmers’ market:
1) I swapped “whatever fits” for clothes that actually match my body
For years, my shopping rule was simple: If it zipped, buttoned, or pulled over my head, it was “good enough.”
I wore pants that sagged at the waist, shirts that pulled at the buttons, and jackets that swallowed my shoulders; I told myself this made me low maintenance, but what it really did was send the signal that I was not paying attention to myself.
Here is what changed: I got honest about my real size instead of the size I wished I were.
I tried on different cuts, and I found a tailor and had a couple of pieces nipped in at the waist and hemmed properly.
Almost overnight, people’s comments shifted.
Instead of, “You look tired,” I started hearing, “You look really put together today,” even on days when I was just wearing well fitting jeans and a plain tee.
Psychologically, it makes sense: When clothes fit, our posture improves.
We take up our natural amount of space, and that reads as confidence.
Choose pieces that fit the body you have, so that you are dressing the real you.
2) I swapped faded, muddy colors for a simple, intentional color palette
My old wardrobe looked like a before photo.
Everything was a little dull, a little tired, a little “this used to be black.”
I grabbed whatever color was on sale, which meant nothing really went together.
Getting dressed felt chaotic as I often ended up in a patchwork of tones that made me look washed out.
One weekend, I pulled everything out of my closet and noticed a pattern.
The pieces I actually liked were all in a similar family: deep greens, soft neutrals, warm browns, and true black.
The rest were “noise.”
Slowly, I started replacing the noise.
I decided on a simple palette that worked with my skin tone and lifestyle.
For me that meant:
- Neutrals for basics
- A couple of rich greens and rust tones for interest
- Almost no patterns, except the occasional stripe
Color psychology is real; soft, cohesive tones signal stability and clarity, while harsh, clashing ones can signal disorganization or emotional chaos.
3) I swapped worn out “comfy shoes” for adult shoes I can still walk in
I used to live in the same pair of old sneakers.
They were comfortable, familiar, and absolutely done.
The soles were flattened, the fabric was fraying, and there were mystery stains I pretended not to see.
I wore them with everything, including to client meetings where everyone else wore polished loafers or boots.
One day, a colleague jokingly called them my “emotional support shoes.”
It was funny, but it stung. I realized my footwear was undermining the professional, capable identity I was trying to build.
So, I made a rule for myself: No more shoes that look tired.
I still walk, a lot, and I still spend time at farmers’ markets and on trails.
Instead, I looked for:
- Clean, structured sneakers for casual days
- Simple ankle boots for work and social events
- A pair of minimalist sandals for warm weather
All in neutral colors that work with everything else.
The difference in how people treated me was immediate.
At meetings, I was no longer “the one in the beat up shoes.”
Strangers in stores started asking if I worked there when I tried things on, which oddly enough made me feel more competent.
It seems small, but shoes are one of the first things people subconsciously notice.
They signal how grounded, prepared, and attentive we are.
When your shoes look intentional, people assume the rest of you is too.
4) I swapped “hoodies for all occasions” for one signature outer layer
For about 15 years, my outerwear strategy was simple: throw on a hoodie.
Dinner with friends? Hoodie.
Long day at the office? Hoodie.
Quick run to the grocery store? You guessed it, hoodie!
It was cozy, yes, but it also made me blend into the background.
One fall, I bought a simple, well cut jacket in a neutral shade.
That one change had a huge ripple effect.
Wearing it, I felt more structured and adult, even if I had a basic tee and jeans underneath.
I noticed people making more eye contact and baristas remembered my order more often.
At work, my ideas seemed to land differently in meetings.
If you are used to living in hoodies or oversized fleeces, consider experimenting with one “grown up” outer layer:
- A blazer that fits your shoulders
- A simple denim jacket
- A tailored coat that hits mid thigh
You can still keep your hoodie for lazy Sundays, but having one outer piece that makes you feel like the most capable version of yourself changes how you show up in the world.
5) I swapped random graphic tees for clean, story neutral tops
This was a big one for me.
Half my wardrobe used to be made up of graphic tees.
Old race shirts, free company swag, sarcastic slogans, vegan puns, you name it.
Each one told a tiny story, but mashed together, they shouted over who I actually am.
I started to notice that people made assumptions based on whatever text I happened to be wearing.
A sarcastic shirt made me seem more cynical than I am, and a loud activist tee sometimes shut down nuanced conversations I wanted to have.
So, I quietly phased out most of my graphic tops and replaced them with plain or subtly textured tees, tanks, and blouses in my chosen color palette.
Suddenly, people listened to my words instead of reacting to my shirt.
Conversations at the farmers’ market shifted from “Nice shirt” to “Hey, how did you make that tahini dressing you mentioned last week?”
Here is the psychological shift: When our clothes are supportive but quiet, they create space for our personality to show.
6) I swapped “no effort” grooming for small, repeatable habits
Technically, this is not a piece of clothing, but it belongs in this list.
For years, my “grooming routine” was whatever I could do in four minutes.
Hair in a messy knot, minimal skincare, no real plan.
I told myself I was too busy to care but, when I left my corporate job and started writing full time, I realized something important.
There is a difference between low maintenance and low regard.
I did not want to spend an hour getting ready.
What I did want was to look like I was awake, present, and glad to be here.
The reaction from others was subtle but powerful.
People stopped asking if I was tired, new clients on video calls described me as “grounded” and “put together,” and friends commented that I looked “bright” even on days when I felt anything but.
When we look like we are taking care of ourselves, people are more likely to trust that we can take care of shared projects, responsibilities, and relationships.
It is alignment between how we feel about our life and how we show that on the outside.
Final thoughts
I did not wake up one day with a brand new wardrobe and a brand new identity.
These changes happened slowly, one swap at a time, usually when something old finally wore out and I chose to replace it with something more intentional.
What surprised me most was not that people treated me differently, but that I treated myself differently.
If you have been dressing the same way for years, you do not need a total makeover and you do not need to chase every trend or empty your bank account.
Pay attention to how people respond, but more importantly, notice how you respond to yourself.
Your wardrobe is a daily vote for the person you are becoming.
If You Were a Healing Herb, Which Would You Be?
Each herb holds a unique kind of magic — soothing, awakening, grounding, or clarifying.
This 9-question quiz reveals the healing plant that mirrors your energy right now and what it says about your natural rhythm.
✨ Instant results. Deeply insightful.
