7 cultural “compliments” that sound polite but don’t translate well

Compliments should make people feel good, but travel taught me they don’t always translate.

What sounds sweet in one place can land awkward in another, especially around food, bodies, age, and status.

I learned this working the floor in luxury dining, trying to connect with guests from everywhere.

Think of this as traveler’s insurance for your words: seven common “compliments,” why they misfire, and what to say instead so your kindness actually lands.

1) "You gained weight."

I grew up in hospitality where regulars would greet me with hugs and blunt honesty.

In parts of Southeast Asia and West Africa, telling someone they’ve gained weight can be a sign of warmth.

It means you’re being fed, you’re thriving, and life is good.

Drop that same line at a dinner party in Los Angeles and watch the room freeze.

Why the mismatch? In some cultures, fullness signals prosperity and care.

In others, it triggers insecurity, body shaming, or old battles with dieting.

The intent is affection, yet the impact can land like a brick.

What to say instead if you mean well: Focus on energy and presence.

Compliment the vibe, not the body.

In restaurants, I learned to read the table before cracking a joke or praising an entrée.

The same applies here: If you don’t know someone’s relationship to their body, play it safe.

Your kindness still comes through.

2) "You look healthy."

This one sounds universal, right? Who doesn’t want to be healthy?

Here’s the twist: In several languages, “healthy” is a polite way to say “a bit heavier than last time.”

The speaker imagines they’re softening the message, yet the receiver may hear, “You gained weight,” with all the emotional baggage that can carry.

On top of that, “healthy” can be a loaded word for anyone who has navigated illness, recovery, or fitness goals.

It can also sound vague, like you’re skirting what you really think.

A better move is to compliment observable qualities that aren’t tied to size.

Be specific and positive, no guesswork for the other person to decode.

Quick litmus test I use: If the sentence could be confused for commentary on weight, I edit on the fly.

Precision beats politeness every time.

3) "You got darker."

Travel will humble you fast.

I once came back from a beach destination, tan lines and all.

A friend from Europe said, “You look amazing, so bronzed,” then a colleague from Manila joked, “Ay, you got too dark.”

Same observation, opposite reaction.

In some Western contexts, a tan signals vacation and leisure; in parts of Asia and elsewhere, preferences for lighter skin are rooted in history and class.

Saying someone got darker can tug on colorism, status, and painful beauty standards.

If your goal is to celebrate someone returning from a trip, aim at the experience, not the shade.

As someone who loves street food and tasting menus, I’ll talk for hours about grilled fish by the water or a bowl of noodles that changed my life.

Compliment the adventure and you’ll always win.

On the flip side, if someone loves their sun-kissed look and brings it up first, follow their lead.

Consent matters even in casual compliments.

4) "You look expensive."

I’ve heard this line tossed around fashion circles as the ultimate praise.

It’s meant to celebrate polish, quality, or that effortless head-to-toe cohesion, but it can backfire.

“Expensive” centers status.

It can sound like you value the price tag more than the person or their taste.

Depending on someone’s background, it may also rub against sensitive money stories, especially if they’ve worked hard to get where they are or are navigating tough seasons.

In the kitchen, I learned that the most exquisite dishes aren’t always the most costly.

A perfect tomato with olive oil can beat a truffle-heavy plate any day if the sourcing and care are there.

Style works the same way.

Craft and intention matter more than labels.

You’ll still compliment the refined vibe without making it about money.

5) "You look older."

In many cultures, age equals wisdom and status.

Calling someone “older” or “more mature” can be a sign of respect.

In youth-obsessed contexts, it can feel like a gut punch.

Skincare routines exist for a reason.

I once told a respected chef that his presence made the room quiet down; I meant gravitas.

He grinned and said, “You mean my gray hair is doing the work.”

We both laughed, but I never forgot how easily “mature” can be misheard as “aged.”

If you want to honor someone’s gravitas, name the qualities, not the years.

These land as capabilities and, if you are genuinely impressed by someone’s life experience, ask about it: “What did you learn opening your second restaurant?”

Curiosity beats category.

Let people tell the story behind the lines on their face.

6) "You became fair."

Flip side of the tan compliment; in some places, telling someone they’ve become lighter is meant as praise.

It often traces back to colonial history and old class markers.

Even when well-intentioned, it props up a hierarchy many people are actively trying to dismantle.

Colorism shows up in hiring, casting, and dating.

It affects how people are treated at a wine bar or a street market.

When you praise lightness, you signal a ladder of preference.

That’s not a ladder we want to keep rebuilding.

What to say instead: Compliment features and style choices without ranking skin.

The beauty industry has spent decades expanding shade ranges.

Our language can expand too.

As a food person, I think about produce.

No one praises a peach for being “fair.”

We talk about ripeness, fragrance, and texture.

Humans are infinitely more complex than peaches, but the takeaway stands.

Celebrate quality, not hierarchy.

7) "Your English is so good."

Finally, let’s talk about language.

I love languages; I bumble through menus, ask chefs about regional names for herbs, and read nonfiction on flights.

So, I get the impulse to praise someone’s fluency.

The trap is that “Your English is so good” can carry surprise.

It implies the default expectation was low.

For someone who has studied for years, built a career in a second or third language, or grew up bilingual, that “compliment” can feel like a pat on the head.

If you’re genuinely impressed by someone’s communication, aim at the craft.

These honor skill, not citizenship.

In kitchens and boardrooms, the best communicators aren’t always the ones with flawless grammar.

They’re the ones who make people feel seen, understood, and motivated.

Praise that and, if you want to connect, learn a greeting or two in their first language and use it with humility.

Curiosity is the most universal compliment I know.

Final thoughts

If you want to get better at compliments, practice noticing.

Notice effort, taste, and intention, notice what lights people up when they talk, and notice how your words land and iterate from there.

Try it at your next team meeting or family dinner and see how a thoughtful compliment changes the temperature of the room.

If you mess it up, welcome to the club; repair is part of the craft.

In kitchens, we burn things, we remake them, and we send them back out with more care.

The best compliments travel well because they honor what a person chooses and creates.

When in doubt, praise agency over appearance as it translates almost everywhere.