8 subtle signs someone is a difficult travel companion before the trip even starts

Last month, a friend invited me to join her family for a week in Chile. I was excited at first because I love Santiago and any excuse to visit my in-laws is welcome. But then I remembered the last time we traveled together, and something in my gut told me this might not be the relaxing getaway I had in mind.

She's lovely in São Paulo. We grab coffee, our daughters play together, and everything flows. But on trips? Different story. I started noticing small things during our planning calls that made me pause. The way she brushed off my questions about the itinerary. How she got defensive when I suggested we split grocery costs upfront. Little things that, looking back, were actually big red flags.

I ended up politely declining, and I'm glad I trusted my instincts. Because the truth is, you can usually tell if someone will be a nightmare to travel with before you even pack your bags. Here's what to watch for.

1. They dodge direct questions about budget and expectations

When you ask about how much they're planning to spend per day or what kind of accommodations they're comfortable with, they give vague answers. "Oh, we'll figure it out" or "I'm flexible" sounds easygoing, but it often means they haven't thought it through or they're avoiding an honest conversation.

I've learned this the hard way. One of my friends kept saying she was "cool with whatever" when we planned a weekend in Rio. Then we got there and suddenly every restaurant suggestion was too expensive, every activity was "not really her thing." We spent half the trip negotiating instead of enjoying ourselves.

People who are genuinely easy to travel with will engage in planning conversations. They'll tell you their comfort zone with spending, what matters most to them, and what they're hoping to get out of the trip. That clarity makes everything smoother once you're on the road.

2. They make plans without checking in with the group first

This one's subtle but telling. Before the trip even starts, they're already booking things or making commitments that affect everyone. Maybe they reserve a dinner spot without asking if anyone has dietary restrictions. Or they plan a full day of activities without considering that others might want downtime.

It shows they see the trip through their own lens only. Travel psychologist Michael Brein notes that "the most successful group travelers are those who balance their own desires with awareness of others' needs."

When someone consistently makes unilateral decisions during planning, that behavior doesn't magically disappear once you're traveling together. If anything, it gets worse because there's less time to course-correct.

3. They're constantly changing their mind about basic logistics

First they want to leave early Friday morning. Then they text saying actually, Thursday night works better. Wait, no, Friday afternoon. This back and forth on simple decisions creates stress for everyone trying to coordinate their schedules.

I get that life happens and sometimes plans need to shift. But when someone can't commit to basic details or keeps moving the goalposts, it suggests they're either disorganized or they're prioritizing their convenience over the group's.

The most exhausting part is that this indecisiveness rarely stops at logistics. It bleeds into everything once you're actually traveling. Where to eat, what time to leave the hotel, which route to take. Every small decision becomes a drawn-out negotiation.

4. They take hours to respond to group planning messages

Everyone's busy, I understand that completely. Between work, Emilia, and keeping our household running, I barely have a free minute most days. But when you're planning a trip together, timely communication matters.

If someone consistently takes days to reply to simple questions or ignores the group chat entirely, it signals they're not as invested in making the trip work smoothly. Or worse, they expect others to handle the planning while they just show up.

The people I love traveling with most are the ones who stay engaged. They respond when they can, they contribute ideas, and if they're swamped, they at least acknowledge the message and say they'll get back to you. That small courtesy makes a huge difference.

5. They have a rigid vision of how things "should" go

Some people are flexible by nature, others need structure. Neither is wrong, but problems start when someone insists their way is the only way. During planning, this shows up as inflexibility about timing, activities, or accommodations.

Maybe they refuse to consider anything outside a specific neighborhood or they insist everyone must be up by 7am every morning. There's no room for compromise or alternative suggestions. Flexibility is the foundation of successful group travel.

I once planned a girls' trip where one friend had a detailed spreadsheet of what we'd do each hour. When someone suggested we skip one museum to spend more time at the beach, she got genuinely upset. The whole trip felt like we were following her itinerary rather than creating our own experience together.

6. They complain about everything during the planning process

The hotel options aren't good enough. The flight times don't work. The restaurant choices are boring. Every suggestion gets met with criticism but they're not offering better alternatives.

This chronic negativity during planning is usually a preview of what they'll be like on the actual trip. If they can't find something positive to say when you're all excited and preparing for an adventure, imagine how they'll react when actual travel hiccups happen.

The best travel companions find something to appreciate in different options. They might have preferences, sure, but they express them constructively. They add to the conversation rather than just shooting down ideas.

7. They dismiss your concerns or needs as "too picky"

When you mention you need time in the morning to get ready or that you prefer having your own space to sleep well, they brush it off. They make you feel like you're being high-maintenance for having basic preferences.

This dismissiveness is a respect issue. Everyone has different comfort levels and needs, and good travel partners acknowledge that. They don't make you feel guilty for expressing what helps you enjoy the trip more.

I need my quiet time at night to decompress. That's just how I'm wired. When friends respect that, our trips are amazing. When someone acts like my need for downtime is an inconvenience, the whole dynamic becomes tense. You end up either sacrificing your wellbeing or feeling bad about taking care of yourself.

8. They have a pattern of drama in other group situations

Think about how this person handles other group dynamics. Do they create tension at dinner parties? Start conflicts in friend groups? Struggle to compromise in work settings?

Those patterns don't disappear just because you're on vacation. If anything, the stress and logistics of travel bring out people's worst qualities. Someone who's difficult in everyday group situations will be exponentially more challenging when you're sharing a hotel room or navigating a foreign city together.

Pay attention to how they treat service workers during planning too. If they're rude to the hotel staff over email or snippy with the travel agent, that's who they'll be when you're tired and hungry at a restaurant abroad.

Final thoughts

I've learned to trust my gut when planning trips. Those little warning signs during the planning phase are there for a reason. They're your instincts picking up on patterns that will likely intensify once you're actually traveling.

The good news is that recognizing these signs early gives you options. You can address concerns directly, adjust the group composition, or gracefully opt out if needed. Not every friendship translates well to travel, and that's completely fine.

The people I travel best with are the ones who communicate clearly, stay flexible, and show consideration for others from the very first planning conversation. When those foundations are solid, everything else tends to fall into place. And when they're not? Well, sometimes the kindest thing you can do for yourself and the friendship is to enjoy their company at home and plan your adventures separately.