9 solo activities that build confidence faster than any self-help book ever could

I used to think confidence came from reading the right books or following the perfect morning routine. I had a whole shelf dedicated to self-improvement titles, each one promising to unlock some secret to unshakeable self-assurance.

Then I realized something while walking alone through Griffith Park with my camera one Saturday morning. I wasn't thinking about confidence at all. I was just doing something I enjoyed, by myself, getting better at it with each outing.

And somewhere in that process, without affirmations or visualizations or any of the techniques I'd read about, I felt more sure of myself than I had in months.

Confidence isn't something you think your way into. It's something you build through action. Specifically, through doing things alone that prove to yourself you're capable, interesting, and complete without an audience.

Here are nine solo activities that actually work.

1) Taking yourself out to eat

Sitting alone at a restaurant still feels weird to a lot of people. I get it. There's this nagging feeling that everyone's watching you, wondering why you're by yourself, assuming something must be wrong.

But here's what actually happens: nobody cares. Everyone's too busy with their own food and conversations to analyze your solo dining situation.

I started doing this out of necessity when I first moved to LA. I'd just walk into whatever restaurant looked good, ask for a table for one, and sit there with a book or my phone. Sometimes I'd just people-watch. Other times I'd actually pay attention to what I was eating instead of talking through the meal.

The confidence boost comes from realizing you can enjoy something typically "social" entirely on your own terms. You're not waiting for someone else's schedule or taste preferences. You're not compromising on where to go or what to order. You're just showing up for yourself.

After doing this regularly, group dinners became less about needing company and more about genuinely wanting it. There's a difference.

2) Learning to cook something complicated

I've mentioned this before but my Thai curry recipe took me seven attempts to get right. Seven times of ingredients that cost money, time I'd never get back, and results that ranged from mediocre to genuinely inedible.

But on attempt eight, something clicked. The coconut milk didn't split. The spices balanced perfectly. My partner, who loves pepperoni pizza with ranch, asked for seconds.

Cooking alone, especially challenging recipes, builds confidence because the feedback is immediate and honest. You can't fake your way through it. Either the food tastes good or it doesn't. Either you figured out how to caramelize onions without burning them or you didn't.

There's something deeply satisfying about starting with raw ingredients and ending with something delicious you made with your own hands. No team to credit. No instructions to follow precisely. Just you, figuring it out through trial and error until you nail it.

Plus, it gives you a tangible skill. Next time someone needs a meal or you're invited to a potluck, you're not showing up with store-bought cookies. You're bringing something you actually created.

3) Going to a movie alone

Movie theaters are basically designed for solo attendance. The lights go down, you face forward, you don't talk for two hours. Yet people still treat going alone like some sad declaration of isolation.

I started doing this during my music blogging days in LA when my schedule never lined up with anyone else's. I'd catch afternoon showings of indie films at small theaters around the city. Sometimes I'd be one of five people in the entire room.

And I loved it.

No negotiating what to see. No coordinating showtimes. No splitting up if you need the bathroom. No one eating popcorn directly into your ear or asking questions during crucial scenes. Just you and the movie, exactly as the director intended it to be experienced.

The confidence piece is subtle but real. You're demonstrating to yourself that you don't need company to do something enjoyable. That your own presence is enough. That you can have a full, engaging experience entirely within your own head.

4) Traveling somewhere new by yourself

Solo travel gets recommended constantly, and for good reason. There's no faster way to prove to yourself that you're resourceful and capable than navigating a unfamiliar place entirely on your own.

I'm not talking about booking a two-week European adventure here, though that works too. Even a weekend road trip somewhere you've never been counts. The point is putting yourself in situations where you have to figure things out without backup.

When I traveled through Southeast Asia a few years back, I spent most of it alone. Wrong turns became adventures instead of arguments. Bad restaurant choices were learning experiences instead of someone else's fault. Every small success, from ordering food in broken phrases to finding my way back to the hostel, reinforced that I could handle uncertainty.

The beauty of solo travel is that you can't outsource the experience. You can't let someone else navigate or make decisions or handle the uncomfortable parts. You're forced to be present and capable, and you come back with proof that you can manage more than you thought.

5) Starting a creative project nobody asked for

This is where things get interesting. Not taking a class or following a tutorial, but starting something entirely self-directed that might not work out at all.

For me, it was photography. Nobody asked me to spend my weekends wandering Venice Beach with a camera. Nobody needed another person posting pictures online. I just wanted to get better at capturing light and movement and the small moments most people walk past.

Some of my shots are terrible. Some are decent. A few I'm genuinely proud of. But all of them represent time I spent developing a skill for no reason other than wanting to develop it.

That's where confidence lives. In the ability to pursue something just because it interests you, without external validation or permission. In showing up repeatedly to something difficult even when progress feels invisible. In creating something that didn't exist before you decided to make it.

The project doesn't matter. Could be writing, drawing, woodworking, learning an instrument, building something, whatever. What matters is that it's yours, it's challenging, and you're doing it alone without anyone watching or grading or caring if you quit.

6) Sitting with your own thoughts without distraction

This one sounds easier than it is. Try sitting somewhere quiet for 30 minutes with no phone, no book, no music, no podcast, nothing. Just you and whatever comes up.

Most people last about five minutes before the discomfort becomes overwhelming.

I discovered this accidentally during a power outage in my Venice Beach apartment. No wifi, dead phone battery, nothing to do but sit on my balcony and watch the neighborhood. And instead of being bored, I actually started thinking about things I'd been avoiding. Decisions I needed to make. Conversations I'd been putting off. Ideas that had been sitting in the back of my mind waiting for space.

Regular solitude, real solitude without digital pacifiers, builds confidence because it proves you can be comfortable with yourself. That your own mind is interesting enough to occupy. That you don't need constant input and stimulation to feel okay.

Start small. Ten minutes at a coffee shop before pulling out your phone. A walk around the block without earbuds. Sitting in your car for a few minutes after getting home. Just you, present, noticing what's actually going on in your head.

7) Fixing something yourself instead of hiring it out

I'm not suggesting you rewire your entire house or rebuild an engine. But there's real confidence in learning to handle basic problems without immediately calling for help.

When my kitchen cabinet hinge broke, my first instinct was to find a handyman. Instead, I watched a few YouTube videos, bought a replacement hinge for eight dollars, and spent an hour figuring it out. Was it perfect? Not quite. Did it work? Absolutely.

The point isn't becoming a master craftsperson. It's developing the mindset that when something breaks or needs adjustment, your first thought is "I can probably figure this out" instead of "I need to find someone else to do this."

This applies to everything from basic home repairs to troubleshooting tech problems to learning how your car actually works. Each time you solve something yourself, you're building a reservoir of evidence that you're more capable than you assumed.

Plus, it saves money and time. But mostly, it shifts your relationship with problems from "obstacle requiring rescue" to "puzzle I can solve."

8) Setting and keeping a promise to yourself

We break promises to ourselves constantly. We'll start that project next week. We'll go to the gym tomorrow. We'll finally organize that closet this weekend. Then next week arrives and the promise gets pushed again.

The erosion of self-trust is gradual but devastating. Every broken promise teaches you that your own commitments don't matter. That you're not reliable, even to yourself.

Building confidence requires reversing this. Start absurdly small. Promise yourself you'll walk around the block every day for a week. Then do it. Every single day, regardless of weather or mood or how busy you are. One week. Seven days. That's it.

What happens is you start trusting yourself again. You prove you're someone who does what they say they'll do, even when no one's watching or holding you accountable. That foundation of self-trust becomes the base everything else builds on.

I started with a commitment to visit the farmers market every Saturday morning. Didn't matter if I was tired or hungover or busy. I'd show up, even if just for ten minutes. Six months later, that small promise kept had expanded into a dozen other commitments I was actually following through on.

9) Saying no to something you don't want to do

This might be the hardest one because it involves disappointing someone else to honor yourself.

We say yes to things constantly. Events we don't want to attend. Projects we don't have time for. Favors that drain us. Hangouts that feel obligatory. All because saying no feels selfish or rude or like we're letting someone down.

But every misaligned yes is a betrayal of yourself. It's putting someone else's comfort over your own needs. It's pretending your time and energy aren't valuable. It's reinforcing the belief that other people's expectations matter more than your own boundaries.

Real confidence shows up in the ability to say no clearly and without excessive explanation. Not rudely. Not with long apologies or elaborate excuses. Just: "Thanks for thinking of me, but I can't make it" or "That doesn't work for me right now."

The first few times feel terrible. You'll worry about what people think. You'll wonder if you're being difficult or if you're losing friendships. But what actually happens is you create space for things you actually want. And the people who respect you adjust while the ones who don't reveal themselves.

I lost some friendships during my early evangelical vegan phase when I said yes to everything while secretly resenting everyone. The relationships that survived and deepened were the ones where I learned to be honest about my boundaries instead of agreeable about everything.

Conclusion

Confidence isn't something you find in a book or learn from a guru. It's the natural result of proving to yourself, through repeated action, that you're capable and complete on your own.

The activities above work because they're all forms of self-reliance. Each one demonstrates that you don't need permission, company, or constant validation to live a full and interesting life.

Start with whichever feels most approachable. Maybe that's cooking a new recipe this weekend or going to see that movie you've been putting off. It doesn't matter which one you choose. What matters is that you actually do it, alone, for no reason other than building trust with yourself.

That's where real confidence lives. Not in what you tell yourself, but in what you prove to yourself through action.