Your adult children need you to show up differently than you did when they lived at home.
As someone who moved away from home and built my own life, I can tell you that staying connected with your adult children takes real intention.
The relationship you had when we lived under your roof doesn't automatically translate once we're out building our own lives.
But here's what I've learned from my own relationship with my parents: when you make the effort to meet us where we are and connect with us as the adults we've become, the relationship can actually get richer and deeper than it was before. You just need to show up differently than you did when we were kids.
Here are seven specific activities that have helped my parents stay close with me, even as my life has gotten busier and more independent.
1. Cook or share meals together regularly
My mom started this thing where we video call while cooking the same recipe.
We'll pick something neither of us has made before, get the ingredients during the week, and then connect on Sunday afternoon.
We're both in our kitchens, walking each other through steps, laughing when something goes wrong, celebrating when it actually turns out edible. There's something about doing the same activity simultaneously, even from different kitchens, that creates natural conversation in a way that formal "catch up" calls never do.
You can adapt this to fit your situation. Maybe you send each other photos of meals you make, swap recipes and compare how they turned out, or have video dinner dates where you eat together even though you're apart.
The ritual around food matters more than perfection. When my parents make this effort, it shows me they want to be part of my daily life, not just the highlight reel I share on holidays.
Plus, these regular touchpoints mean we're actually current with each other's lives rather than playing catch-up every few months.
2. Take on a shared project or hobby
My dad and I both started learning Spanish last year using the same app. We're not taking the same lessons at the same time, but we text each other about funny mistakes we make, share tips we discover, and practice phrases together during calls.
Having this shared goal means we have built-in reasons to connect that feel organic. We're not forcing conversation. We're both working toward something and bringing each other along for the ride.
Pick something you're both genuinely interested in exploring. Maybe you read the same book and discuss it, take an online course together, work on family history research, or learn a new skill through YouTube tutorials.
The key is finding common ground where you're both beginners or both discovering something new.
When you approach us with curiosity about something we might explore together, rather than trying to insert yourself into our existing lives, it creates space for an adult friendship to develop alongside the parent-child bond that's always going to be there.
3. Exercise or get active together
When my mom visits, we always go for long walks around my neighborhood. Something about moving side by side makes conversation easier.
We've talked through job decisions, relationship problems, and random life observations on those walks in ways that wouldn't happen sitting across from each other at dinner.
The movement takes the pressure off. You're not staring at each other, and there's something to do with nervous energy.
If distance keeps you apart most of the time, you can still make this work. My dad and I do this thing where we'll both go for a walk and call each other. We're in different cities, but we're both outside, both moving, and somehow that makes the conversation feel more connected than a regular phone call.
You could also challenge each other to fitness goals, share workout updates, or plan active things to do together when you do see each other.
The point is showing us you're invested in staying healthy and engaged with life, which matters more than you might realize.
4. Travel or take day trips
Have you thought about planning a trip together where you're both experiencing something new?
My parents and I went to Montreal last year, a city none of us had visited before. Being in unfamiliar territory together shifted our dynamic.
We were navigating the metro, trying to order in French, discovering neighborhoods as equals. Nobody was the expert. We were just three adults figuring things out together.
Day trips work too if bigger travel feels overwhelming or expensive. When I visit home, my dad and I will drive to a nearby town we've never explored and just wander around.
We try a local restaurant, check out whatever's interesting, and create new memories that have nothing to do with my childhood.
These experiences matter because they're meeting me in neutral territory rather than always pulling me back into old family patterns.
They're showing me they're willing to step outside your comfort zone, which makes it easier for me to bring them into mine.
5. Volunteer for a cause you both care about
When I told my mom I'd started volunteering at an animal shelter, she asked about it in a way that felt genuinely curious rather than just being polite.
That conversation led to her finding a shelter in her city and us texting about our experiences.
Now we have this whole shared thing where we understand what the other person's talking about. We send each other photos of the animals we're working with and talk about what we're learning.
Find a cause that resonates with both of you and get involved, even if you're doing it in separate locations. Maybe you both volunteer with literacy programs, environmental cleanups, political campaigns, or community organizations.
The shared values create natural conversation starters and give you insight into who we're becoming as adults.
When you take interest in the things we care about and show us through your own actions that you care too, it builds respect and connection that advice-giving or checking in never could.
6. Play games together regularly
My parents and I have a monthly online game night.
We'll play something we can do remotely, like an online version of a board game, a multiplayer video game, or even just a trivia app where we're all competing.
There's something about play and friendly competition that brings out different sides of people. I get to see my parents be silly and competitive, and they get to see me as someone who exists outside of being their kid.
Games create this contained space where the goal is just to have fun together. You're not trying to parent, give advice, or catch up on life updates. You're just being present and enjoying each other's company.
The structure of a game takes pressure off everyone. And when you show up consistently for something like this, it tells us you're prioritizing time with us, which means everything.
7. Attend live events or cultural activities together
Last summer, my dad bought tickets to see a comedian I'd mentioned liking.
He flew out to my city, we went to the show together, and then walked around talking about it afterward.
That experience meant more to me than a dozen Sunday phone calls because he was entering my world. He took interest in something I enjoy and made the effort to experience it with me.
You don't have to travel to make this work. When your adult kids visit, take them to things happening in your area. Concerts, museum exhibitions, theater performances, sporting events, food festivals, whatever's available. Or plan to meet somewhere in the middle for a specific event you'd both enjoy.
These shared experiences give you things to talk about beyond the usual "how's work" conversations. You're building new memories together as adults, which is how relationships evolve and deepen over time.
Conclusion
The shift from being a parent to having an adult relationship with your children takes intentional effort. You're figuring out how to stay connected while respecting our independence, which I know can feel like a tricky balance.
These seven activities have helped my parents maintain a strong bond with me because they create space for genuine connection without anyone falling back into old roles.
Pick one or two that feel right for your relationship and try them out. The effort you put in now shapes what our friendship looks like for decades to come, and from where I'm sitting, that's absolutely worth figuring out together.
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