8 underrated things to do with a friend that create real connection

We all want friendships that go deeper than small talk and the occasional dinner out. But here’s the truth: the things that really bond us often aren’t flashy or expensive.

They’re the simple, underrated activities that peel back our layers and let us be human together.

I’ve learned this from trial and error—choosing the fun distractions instead of the things that actually leave me feeling closer to someone.

Today, I want to share eight ways you can build real connection with a friend.

1. Cook something together

Cooking with a friend isn’t about showing off your skills. It’s about fumbling with the recipe, tasting as you go, laughing when you spill the flour.

There’s something special about chopping vegetables side by side or standing shoulder to shoulder over the stove. Even washing dishes becomes part of the memory.

Food is primal. Sharing it reminds us that connection doesn’t need to be staged—it just needs time and presence.

2. Take a long walk with no agenda

Have you noticed how conversations flow differently when you’re moving? On a walk, you don’t have to hold eye contact or perform. You can just talk, pause, let the silence breathe.

Psychologists have noted—and a Stanford study confirmed—that walking stimulates freer thinking and deeper sharing.

I’ve found this to be true. Some of the best talks I’ve had with friends happened under streetlights or on trails where the air felt cleaner than my thoughts.

No destination required—just the rhythm of steps and the freedom to wander.

3. Try something new and mildly uncomfortable

One of my closest friendships grew stronger when we signed up for a pottery class. Neither of us had a clue what we were doing. Our bowls came out lopsided, but we left that studio laughing and more connected than ever.

Shared novelty is powerful. When you both step into the unknown, the awkwardness bonds you. Research shows that novel shared experiences increase closeness and security in relationships.

It doesn’t have to be extreme. Trivia night, salsa lessons, improv comedy, even karaoke. The point is to stumble and laugh together.

4. Spend time in silence

Silence can feel uncomfortable at first. But once you push past that edge, you realize it’s a gift.

I once spent an afternoon with a friend reading separate books in the same room. No pressure to entertain each other, no performance. Just quiet companionship.

Rudá Iandê, in his book Laughing in the Face of Chaos, wrote:

“The greatest gift we can give to ourselves and to each other is the gift of our own wholeness, the gift of our own radiant, unbridled humanity.”

His insight reminded me that sometimes the best way to honor a friend is simply to be whole in their presence.

Silence doesn’t mean disconnection. It often means trust.

5. Work on a project side by side

It might sound unglamorous, but doing something productive together can create a strong sense of connection.

Think about helping a friend paint their apartment, build furniture, or reorganize a messy closet.

I once spent a Saturday helping a friend plant a small vegetable garden. We didn’t have deep conversations the whole time, but by the end, standing back to admire the rows of green, we felt like co-creators.

Shared effort builds trust—and it gives you a physical reminder of the time you’ve invested in each other.

6. Share a playlist and listen deeply

Music has a way of bypassing the mind and heading straight for the heart.

One friend and I have a ritual where we send each other songs when we can’t quite put our feelings into words. Then we sit down—sometimes together, sometimes over video call—and listen to the other’s selections.

It feels vulnerable, like handing someone your diary. But that’s what makes it so bonding. When you give someone access to the soundtrack of your inner world, you invite them into places you usually keep private.

And it’s backed by research. One pilot study found that group singing, not solo singing, was linked to increases in oxytocin—a hormone tied to trust and bonding.

Other work in Frontiers in Psychology highlights how shared rhythm and synchrony in music can foster closeness through both endorphins and oxytocin.

7. Do something “ordinary” together

Not every hangout needs to be a big event. Grocery shopping, folding laundry, or cooking meal prep for the week—these everyday tasks can actually draw friends closer.

I’ll never forget a weekend when a friend and I went to Target just to pick up toothpaste and snacks. Nothing special happened, yet it felt more intimate than a fancy dinner. Why? Because it was real life, unfiltered.

True connection often shows up when you drop the performance and just exist together.

8. Talk about the hard stuff

Connection deepens when we let ourselves sink beneath the surface.

This doesn’t mean trauma-dumping or forcing someone to share before they’re ready. It means creating space for real conversations—fears, failures, confusion, and the messy parts of being human.

Sherry Turkle, professor at MIT and author of Reclaiming Conversation, explains that “face-to-face conversation is the most human—and humanizing—thing we do” (Bookey summary). Honest dialogue, mixed with pauses and even discomfort, helps rebuild intimacy in a distracted age.

And as Rudá Iandê reminds us: “Being human means inevitably disappointing and hurting others, and the sooner you accept this reality, the easier it becomes to navigate life’s challenges.”

That line reminds me that real friendship isn’t about pretending everything is smooth. It’s about trusting someone enough to reveal the raw edges.

When you share your unpolished self—and give your friend permission to do the same—you create a bond that small talk can never touch.

Final thoughts

Here’s what I’ve realized: connection doesn’t have to be staged or curated.

It doesn’t live in the highlight reel of brunch photos or weekend getaways. 

It lives in the quiet, simple, often overlooked moments that make us feel safe, seen, and whole.

So next time you want to strengthen a friendship, don’t default to the usual dinner-and-drinks routine.

Try cooking, walking, working, or just sitting in silence together. See what unfolds.

Because real connection isn’t about what you do—it’s about how much of yourself you bring into the doing.