You know you’re becoming the parent your adult kids secretly roll their eyes at when you still do these 7 things

Parenting doesn’t stop when your kids turn 18. But here’s the hard truth—what worked when they were teenagers doesn’t translate well into their adult lives.

If you don’t adjust, you risk becoming that parent. The one your kids love, but also quietly cringe at when you keep doing certain things.

The good news? A few shifts in awareness can make all the difference. Let’s dig into the habits that might be sabotaging your relationship without you realizing it.

1. You still give unsolicited advice

Have you ever noticed your kid’s face glaze over mid-sentence while you’re “just trying to help”? That’s the subtle eye roll.

Unsolicited advice lands as judgment, even when it comes from love. Your kids already know how to Google, crowdsource, or figure things out on their own. What they want more from you is curiosity, not correction.

A friend once told me his mom would critique how he cooked tofu—every single time. He stopped inviting her over for dinner. Not because he hated her advice, but because it made him feel like he was back in high school being scolded.

Here’s the psychology: advice given without consent often triggers reactance, that knee-jerk resistance people feel when their autonomy is threatened. It’s not that your kids don’t respect your wisdom—they just don’t want it forced on them.

Instead of rushing in with solutions, try this: ask if they want your take. A simple “Want to hear what worked for me?” shifts the dynamic. If they say no, bite your tongue and respect it. That act alone builds more trust than ten perfect pieces of advice.

2. You treat them like they’re still financially dependent

Money is complicated in families. Covering your kid’s phone bill when they were 19? Helpful. Still doing it when they’re 29? A guaranteed eye roll.

When you insist on paying for everything, it signals you don’t trust them to stand on their own. Even if they secretly enjoy the free dinner, they also want the dignity of being treated like a capable adult.

I’ve mentioned this before, but one of the fastest ways to sour the parent-child dynamic is tying money to control. Adult kids crave independence, and financial strings—whether explicit or implied—undercut that.

Psychologists point out that financial dependence can delay emotional independence. If you’re always swooping in with your wallet, your kids might feel infantilized, even if they don’t say it outright.

If generosity is your love language, great. Just don’t make it a crutch. Pick your moments—a vacation gift, a spontaneous treat—not a monthly subsidy. That way, when you do treat them, it feels like love, not surveillance.

3. You comment on their life choices

Whether it’s a partner, a tattoo, or a decision to rent instead of buy, commentary from you rarely lands the way you think.

I remember traveling through Spain and striking up a conversation with a retired couple. Their adult son had just quit his corporate job to become a surf instructor. His mom admitted she’d fought him on it for years before realizing the only thing she was achieving was pushing him away.

Your adult kids don’t need a running commentary on whether you “approve.” They’re making choices with different values, opportunities, and constraints than you had. What feels reckless to you might be intentional to them.

Here’s a reality check: approval isn’t the currency of healthy adult relationships. Respect is. Unless they ask, keep your opinions to yourself.

And when you do weigh in, lead with curiosity. “What do you like most about this decision?” opens a door. “Are you sure that’s smart?” slams it shut.

4. You overstay your welcome

Do you drop by unannounced? Linger at their house long after the meal is done? Invite yourself to events you weren’t really asked to attend?

It may feel like closeness to you, but to them, it feels like a lack of boundaries.

I once stayed with an old friend’s family while traveling through Asia. His mom would knock lightly, then walk straight into his room while he was working. It didn’t matter that he was 32 with a wife and a business—it drove him crazy. And yes, plenty of eye rolls behind her back.

Boundaries are a huge deal in adult relationships. When you respect them, you show you trust your kids to manage their own space and time. When you don’t, it communicates the opposite.

Here’s a practical shift: wait for an invite. End visits before they’re itching for you to leave. And if you’re unsure, ask directly: “How long works for you?” That one question prevents resentment from building under the surface.

Boundaries aren’t rejection. They’re proof you respect them as equals.

5. You use guilt to get attention

“Wow, I guess you’re too busy for your old mom these days.”
“I’ll just be here… alone.”

Sound familiar? Guilt is the oldest trick in the parental playbook, but it backfires hard on adult kids.

Instead of sparking closeness, it sparks distance. They roll their eyes, vent to their friends, and put off calling you next time because they don’t want to be manipulated.

Psychologists call this emotional blackmail. You don’t mean it that way, of course, but that’s how it feels to them. Guilt doesn’t deepen bonds—it corrodes them.

Here’s the alternative: replace guilt with gratitude. Instead of “I never see you anymore,” try “I loved having lunch with you last week—let’s plan another soon.” The first makes them retreat. The second makes them want to say yes.

It’s simple, but it changes everything.

6. You dismiss their struggles

Your kid tells you work is stressful, and you say, “You think that’s stress? Back in my day…” Cue the eye roll.

Every generation has its battles. Maybe you worked 60 hours a week without remote options. But today’s workplace comes with different pressures—constant digital availability, fewer boundaries, skyrocketing costs of living.

Dismissing their stress invalidates their reality. What they need from you isn’t a competition, it’s empathy.

When I was traveling through South America, I met a father who told me the best advice he ever got was: “Don’t minimize your kid’s mountain just because you’ve climbed taller ones.” It stuck with me.

If you find yourself tempted to one-up their struggles, stop and listen instead. Sometimes the most healing thing you can say is: “That sounds tough. I’m here if you want to talk more.”

You don’t have to fix their problems. You just have to believe them when they share them.

7. You cling to outdated traditions

Traditions can be beautiful. But when you enforce them without flexibility, they turn into shackles.

Think about holidays. If you insist everyone must gather exactly the way it’s always been done—same place, same menu, same schedule—you’re inviting frustration. Your adult kids have partners, jobs, travel schedules, maybe even kids of their own. Life is more complex now.

One of my friends finally told his dad, “I love Christmas, but the way we do it feels like theater. We’re performing for you, not enjoying it ourselves.” Brutal honesty, but it shifted their family dynamic for the better.

Psychology backs this up: when traditions are rigid, they create obligation instead of connection. The best ones evolve. They bend to the needs of the people, not the other way around.

If your kids suggest a vegan Thanksgiving or rotating who hosts, don’t cling to the old script. Ask yourself what matters more—the ritual, or the relationship?

Traditions should be alive, not frozen.

Final words

None of this means you should walk on eggshells around your adult kids. They still need you. They still love you. But love lands best when it’s offered with respect, not control.

Think of it this way: parenting adults isn’t about guiding anymore. It’s about walking alongside.

And the fewer quiet eye rolls you earn, the more genuine laughter you’ll get to share.