If people respond to you like this, they're not being polite, they're trying to get away

If people respond to you like this, they're not being polite, they're trying to get away

I spent most of my twenties in luxury dining, where your tip depends on reading a table in seconds.

You learn to spot when someone wants the sommelier and when they want silence.

The best service is often the service you withhold, the quiet gift of letting people be.

That habit followed me out of the dining room and into normal life, where the same tells show up in conversations, meetings, first dates, and even DMs.

We pretend not to notice because we want the interaction to keep going.

We are excited, or bored, or nervous; we push through the friction.

The other person tries to glide out gracefully, and we mistake their politeness for interest.

Today I want to show you the small signals that say please let me go and, once you see them, you cannot unsee them:

Minimal answers are not a challenge, they are a clue

We love to treat short replies like a puzzle to solve.

If she laughs, I should be funnier; if he said nice, I should add more context.

On text, a single-word reply without a question mark is a soft door.

In person, it sounds like they find it interesting with no upward inflection and no breath held for your answer.

If you are uncertain that it's a redirect, try a permission check.

Something like "Do you want me to keep going or should I send you the highlights later?"

If they were being polite, they will take the out with gratitude.

Body language that closes the door

Feet point where people want to go.

When someone wants to leave, their feet rotate toward the exit, the elevator, or the friend they came with.

The torso follows a beat later, and the head and smile lag behind because we are trained to be nice.

You will also see micro-steps backward, arms pulling inward, or a bag lifted to shoulder height as a shield.

In the dining room, I learned to end my sentence the moment a guest shifted their chair away; in a meeting, I end my slide the moment someone closes their laptop halfway.

They are sending a boundary in the clearest language their body knows.

Over politeness that creates distance

Strange, but one of the strongest disengagement tells is extra formality.

People switch from casual to scripted: "That was very insightful, thank you so much for sharing," or "I appreciate your time."

The words are kind, the cadence is final.

Politeness can be a form of armor.

If you notice vocabulary getting polished while energy gets colder, accept the wrap.

You need to protect your reputation by exiting gracefully.

Think of it like sending back a plate that is already clean; it only makes you look messy.

Changing the subject to safer ground

You are talking about something personal and the other person hops to weather, traffic, or food.

That is an exit ramp; when we are uncomfortable, our brain grabs low-risk topics it knows everyone can nod along to.

I do this with money conversations: When a brand negotiation gets tense, I will ask what neighborhood their office is in.

It resets the tone, then I say let’s pick this up tomorrow.

If someone does it to you, do not drag them back to the heavy thing.

Let the safer subject land, then close.

Logistics that always come first

If someone keeps mentioning the time, their next meeting, or the friend waiting at the bar, they are telling you they have a priority that outranks this moment.

The slip-ups are obvious, like "I should get going."

The subtle ones arrive earlier, like "I only have a few minutes" or "I am grabbing a train soon."

Believe them; in restaurants, guests would say "We have a show at eight."

If I tried to push one more course, I created stress; if I built the flow around their time, I won loyalty.

Outside hospitality, it is the same.

When you hear a clock, build your words like a tasting menu with two courses, not seven.

Why we miss the signs

Part of it is ego—we want to be interesting, charming, persuasive—while the other part of it is scarcity, where we think this is our only chance with a client, a date, a new friend, so we squeeze.

There is also a cultural script that confuses persistence with confidence.

The louder person wins, the person who keeps talking gets heard.

Except most people remember you by how you handled their boundary, not how well you filled the silence.

I had to unlearn the hospitality reflex that every no is a chance to add value.

In kitchens, yes can be creative; in relationships, yes can be invasive.

He talks about labeling and calibrated questions, where you reflect what you see and ask for guidance.

It sounds like "It seems like now is not the best time, would it help if I sent the key points by email?"

How to exit gracefully yourself

It feels good to be on the other side of this.

When I am the one trying to leave, I do not rely on hints.

I keep it kind and specific.

Here are my three go-to lines:

• "I am going to head out, thank you for the conversation."
• "This was great, let’s pick it up next week. I will email you options. "
• "I want to give this my full attention and I cannot right now, can we reset for tomorrow morning."

These are polite, and they are complete.

No story, no apology spiral, and no backdoor that invites more talking.

If you teach people how you exit, you give them permission to do the same with you.

What to do instead of pushing

When you notice the signals, pivot into value that does not cost more minutes.

Offer to email the deck, offer to send a summary, and offer to introduce them to someone who actually matches what they need.

Sometimes the kindest move is to stop selling the thing they did not ask for and give them a clean yes or no option.

"Would you like me to follow up next week, or should I close this out?"

That question is oxygen as it removes pressure and replaces it with choice, which is what people wanted when they started trying to leave.

How this shows up at the table

Finally, let’s talk food, because this is where I learned the lesson in my bones.

If a guest had a half-eaten plate and kept saying everything is fine, it usually was not.

Maybe the seasoning was heavy, maybe they were full, or maybe the conversation turned serious and the food lost its role as entertainment.

The wrong move was to keep describing the chef’s intention.

The right move was to say "I can see you are not loving that, would you like me to wrap it up or bring you something lighter?"

In our personal lives, the same pattern shows up when we evangelize our diets or wellness routines.

You discover a plan that makes you feel amazing and you want everyone to try it, but when their eyes glaze over and they float a subject change, your plan is not persuasion, it is pressure.

Share your story, then stop.

If they want more, they will ask; if they do not, respect that their body and brain are not your project.

People decide faster when they feel free, not when they feel impressed.

The takeaway

There is a difference between connection and capture.

When someone is trying to get away, they will show you with short words, soft smiles, turned feet, safe topics, time talk, and digital drift.

They are protecting their energy; if you want to be the kind of person people seek out, honor those signals the first time you see them.

Your relationships get lighter, your work gets faster, your evenings get quieter in the best way, and you become the person who can read a room as well as a menu, which is a pretty good way to live.