9 phrases New Englanders use that make everyone else feel like they're being judged (because they are)

Growing up in Boston, I thought everyone communicated the way we did. It wasn't until I moved to Austin that I realized what the rest of the country had been dealing with all along.

Last week, I was at a barbecue place here in Texas, and the guy next to me was raving about the brisket. "Best I've ever had!" he declared. Without thinking, I responded with classic New England restraint: "It's not bad." The look on his face said everything. That deflated, slightly hurt expression I've now seen countless times since leaving the Northeast.

Here's the thing about New Englanders: we've perfected the art of subtle judgment through seemingly innocent phrases. We don't need to be outright rude. Why bother when you can deliver a devastating assessment with just a few carefully chosen words and the right tone?

After years of living away from Boston and watching people navigate conversations with my fellow New Englanders, I've compiled the phrases that make everyone else feel like they're walking on eggshells. And yes, they're absolutely being judged.

1. "Interesting choice"

This is the Swiss Army knife of New England passive aggression. Whether you're talking about someone's career move, their new tattoo, or their decision to put pineapple on pizza, "interesting choice" translates to "I would never in a million years do that, but you do you."

I once watched a friend from California proudly show off his new Tesla to my uncle from Quincy. My uncle circled the car slowly, nodded, and said, "Interesting choice." My friend spent the next hour trying to justify why electric vehicles make sense.

The beauty of this phrase is its complete ambiguity. It's not technically negative, so you can't call someone out on it. But everyone knows. Everyone always knows.

2. "That's one way to do it"

Translation: "That's the wrong way to do it, but I'm going to let you figure that out yourself."

New Englanders love watching people learn lessons the hard way. It's practically a spectator sport. When someone tells you "that's one way to do it," they've already mentally catalogued exactly how your approach will fail and they're settling in to watch the show.

The worst part? They usually know a better way. They just won't tell you unless you specifically ask, and even then, they'll preface it with "Well, I don't know if this would work for you, but..."

3. "Good for you"

Depending on the tone, this either means genuine congratulations or complete dismissal of whatever achievement you just shared. The flatter the delivery, the less impressed they are.

Did you just finish your first marathon? Enthusiastic "Good for you!" with actual eye contact means they're genuinely happy for you. Did you just explain your new cryptocurrency investment strategy? Monotone "Good for you" while they look at their phone means they think you're an idiot.

4. "It's definitely different"

This is what New Englanders say when they hate something but are trying to be polite. Your experimental fusion restaurant? "It's definitely different." Your avant-garde haircut? "It's definitely different." Your decision to become a life coach? You get the picture.

The word "definitely" is doing a lot of heavy lifting here. It acknowledges that yes, technically, this thing exists and is unlike other things. That's about as much credit as you're going to get.

5. "If you say so"

This phrase is the verbal equivalent of an eye roll. It means "I fundamentally disagree with everything you just said but I don't have the energy to explain why you're wrong."

New Englanders use this when they've decided the conversation isn't worth having. You could be explaining why the earth is flat, and they'd just shrug and say, "If you say so." It's dismissive, condescending, and absolutely devastating when deployed correctly.

6. "Must be nice"

Ah, the classic New England response to anyone sharing good news about anything that involves money, free time, or good weather. Got a promotion? "Must be nice." Taking a vacation to Hawaii? "Must be nice." Enjoying the 75-degree day? "Must be nice."

This phrase carries generations of Puritan work ethic and the belief that if you're enjoying yourself too much, you're probably doing something wrong. It's jealousy wrapped in judgment wrapped in three simple words.

7. "How ambitious"

When a New Englander calls something "ambitious," they mean "this is definitely going to fail but I admire your naive optimism."

Starting a food truck? How ambitious. Planning to renovate your house yourself? How ambitious. Think you'll finish your novel by the end of the year? How ambitious.

The subtext is always the same: we've seen enough harsh winters and failed dreams to know better, but sure, give it a shot. We'll be here when reality sets in.

8. "I wouldn't have thought of that"

This sounds like a compliment if you're not paying attention. It's not. It means "I wouldn't have thought of that because it's a terrible idea that no rational person would consider."

The phrase manages to simultaneously acknowledge your creativity while questioning your judgment. It's the conversational equivalent of patting someone on the head while shaking your own.

9. "Bless your heart"

Finally, yes, New Englanders have started stealing this one from the South, but we've made it our own. While Southerners might use it with some genuine warmth mixed in with the condescension, New Englanders deploy it with surgical precision.

It's reserved for moments of spectacular naivety or failure. You thought you could drive through Boston without getting lost? Bless your heart. You tried to make small talk on the subway? Bless your heart. You expected summer in New England to last more than three weeks? Well, you know.

Final thoughts

Living in Austin now, I've had to actively unlearn these verbal habits. Texans don't appreciate understated dismissal disguised as politeness. They prefer their communication like their barbecue: straightforward, generous, and without unnecessary complications.

But sometimes, when someone tells me about their "revolutionary" new app idea or explains why they don't need winter tires, that old Boston instinct kicks in. I bite my tongue to keep from saying "interesting choice" and remind myself that not everyone grew up in a place where sarcasm is a love language and judgment is an art form.

The truth is, these phrases are deeply embedded in New England culture for a reason. They let us maintain politeness while expressing skepticism, preserve social harmony while acknowledging disagreement, and most importantly, they let us judge people without seeming like complete jerks.

Well, without seeming like complete jerks to other New Englanders, anyway. Everyone else sees right through it. And honestly? Good for them.