What the wealthy call networking, everyone else calls nepotism. Here's how class determines what counts as fair play.
At a coffee shop in Venice last week, I overheard two parents casually discussing their kids' futures.
One mentioned calling his Yale buddy to "put in a word" for his daughter's application. The other laughed, saying her son's tech internship was "basically secured" through her husband's college roommate.
My grandmother volunteers at a food bank every Saturday. She'd hear this conversation and call it corruption. These parents? They were just being strategic.
The psychology here fascinates me. Research shows that social class fundamentally shapes how we view help, relationships, and what counts as playing fair.
1. Legacy admissions
If your parent attended Harvard, Yale, or Princeton, you get a massive admissions boost. Some schools admit legacy applicants at rates five times higher than regular students.
Working-class families call this nepotism.
Wealthy families call it tradition.
Legacy admissions are institutional nepotism with better PR. The justification? Alumni donations keep universities running.
But the result is clear: your last name matters more than your test scores.
2. "Networking" versus "nepotism"
Rich kids network. Working-class kids who use family connections face accusations of nepotism.
The difference? Scale.
Research examining 72 million Americans found that having wealthy friends predicts economic success better than intelligence, training, or where you grew up.
Wealthy families possess what sociologists call "social capital." When a CEO's kid networks at a country club, they're meeting people who control hiring decisions.
When working-class families help each other? That's favoritism. When wealthy families do the same thing? Professional development.
3. Unpaid internships funded by parents
A friend's daughter interned at a major publishing house last summer. Unpaid, naturally.
Her parents covered three months of New York rent, food, and subway cards. Roughly $6,000.
Most families can't afford that. Which means most kids can't access these "opportunities."
These internships claim to reward merit and hard work. Reality? They reward having parents who can subsidize resume building.
Publishing, fashion, nonprofits, politics all run on unpaid or barely-paid internships. It's a class filter disguised as a meritocratic ladder.
4. Safety nets that enable risk-taking
Wealthy parents provide what researchers call a "failure cushion."
Their kids can start businesses, pursue creative careers, or turn down stable jobs. There's always a safety net underneath.
Recent data shows half of parents now provide regular financial support to adult children, averaging nearly $1,500 monthly. This support isn't distributed equally.
Working-class parents might help with groceries during a crisis. Wealthy parents can fund their kid's screenplay writing for years.
That tech founder who "risked everything"? Everything often included a trust fund and parents covering health insurance.
5. "Informational interviews" that become jobs
In wealthy circles, parents tell kids to request "informational interviews." Casual coffee meetings to learn about an industry.
Except they're not really informational.
When a partner's daughter requests an informational interview, everyone understands what's happening. It's an audition disguised as curiosity.
Studies show 70% of jobs never get publicly advertised. They're filled through informal networks before any posting goes live.
Working-class job seekers apply online and hope. Wealthy kids have coffee with the hiring manager's golf buddy.
Same outcome. Only one version gets praised as initiative.
6. Down payment gifts ensuring homeownership
Real estate compounds class advantages exponentially.
Wealthy parents gift down payments (sometimes $50,000, sometimes $200,000) that let their kids buy homes in their twenties or thirties.
For working-class families, this is impossible. They compete against buyers backed by family wealth, which drives up prices and locks them out.
Property ownership builds equity. Your kids inherit that wealth. The cycle perpetuates.
When rich parents fund down payments, it's "helping kids get started." When working-class families can't do the same, their kids are "bad with money" or "not trying hard enough."
The playing field was never level.
7. Private school networks creating lifelong advantages
Private schools aren't just about better education. They're about access.
The real value? Sitting next to the kids of CEOs, lawyers, and investors. Your classmates' parents become your network.
A recent survey found 82.5% of people would send kids to private schools specifically for networking opportunities if they could afford it.
Elite prep schools teach you how to move through spaces of power. You get comfortable around wealth.
Working-class kids at public schools might get better teachers or worse ones. But they don't get invited to their classmate's dad's venture capital firm for career day.
By college applications, wealthy kids have internships, recommendation letters from family friends, and casual comfort with institutional gatekeepers that working-class kids learn from scratch.
8. Working for free "for the experience"
Wealthy families can afford to have their kids work for free or poverty wages in prestigious industries.
The kid volunteering at a museum for a year? The one taking a $15-an-hour nonprofit job? Mom and dad covered rent, insurance, and student loans.
Working-class kids need actual paychecks. They take higher-paying jobs in less prestigious industries because survival matters.
Five years later, the wealthy kid's resume looks "passion-driven." The working-class kid's looks "transactional."
The wealthy kid gets hired at the cool company. The working-class kid hears they don't seem committed enough.
Both worked hard. Only one had the financial privilege to work for prestige instead of survival.
Final thoughts
Parents want to help their kids. That's natural.
But we need to stop pretending these advantages are something they're not.
When wealthy families leverage connections, fund opportunities, and open doors, that's inherited social capital. Not merit.
The problem isn't that rich people help each other. It's that we've built a system where advantages compound across generations while pretending everyone has equal opportunity.
Working-class families help each other too. They just don't have the resources to make it look like merit.
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