8 ways boomers and Gen Z are exactly the same (and both hate it)

The Thanksgiving table erupted when my 73-year-old father and 22-year-old niece discovered they were making the exact same argument from opposite ends. He was ranting about how "kids today" document everything instead of living it; she was complaining about "old people" who take iPad photos at concerts. They were both furious about the same behavior, both guilty of it, and both absolutely certain it only applied to the other's generation. The synchronicity was so perfect that my sister started laughing, which made them both turn on her in unified indignation—proving the point even more perfectly.

This moment crystallized something I'd been noticing everywhere: Boomers and Gen Z, supposedly polar opposites in the generational wars, are actually performing the same behaviors, expressing the same anxieties, and exhibiting the same traits—they just dress them in different aesthetics. They're like two people shouting at each other in the same language while insisting they don't speak a word of what the other is saying.

The research on generational patterns suggests that what we attribute to generational difference is often life-stage similarity appearing in different costumes. The 70-year-old and the 20-year-old are both at transitional moments, both dealing with technological displacement, both trying to assert relevance in a world that seems designed for someone else. They're mirrors that refuse to recognize their own reflection.

1. They're both convinced everyone else is addicted to their phones (while being absolutely glued to their own)

Watch a Boomer at brunch, and they'll complain about "young people always on their phones" while simultaneously photographing their eggs Benedict, checking Facebook, and showing you forty-seven photos of their grandchildren. Watch Gen Z at the same brunch, and they'll mock their parents for "Facebook addiction" while maintaining seventeen different conversation threads, documenting their meal for three different platforms, and checking TikTok between bites.

The only difference is platform preference. Boomers aren't on their phones less—they're just on Facebook instead of TikTok, playing Candy Crush instead of Wordle, reading news sites instead of Twitter threads. Gen Z isn't more online—they just pretend their screen time is somehow more sophisticated because it involves "content creation" rather than "content consumption," as if the distinction matters when you're six hours deep.

I watched this play out at a family wedding where the generations sat at separate tables. The Boomer table: everyone on phones, showing each other Facebook posts, taking photos of the centerpieces. The Gen Z table: everyone on phones, showing each other TikToks, taking photos of their outfits. Both tables complaining about the other table being "antisocial and always online." The irony was completely lost on everyone involved.

2. They both think they invented casual sex and are simultaneously horrified by everyone else having it

Boomers act like they invented free love in the '60s and '70s, conveniently forgetting that their parents were getting it on plenty—they just didn't talk about it. Gen Z acts like they invented hookup culture and fluid sexuality, apparently unaware that their grandparents were at Woodstock, key parties, and Studio 54. Both generations think they discovered sex without shame while being absolutely scandalized by the other doing it.

A Boomer will reminisce about their "wild years" with a joint and multiple partners, then clutch their pearls about Tinder. Gen Z will post sex-positive content about destigmatizing pleasure, then be genuinely disturbed learning their parents still have sex. Both generations want to be seen as sexually liberated while being deeply uncomfortable with evidence that other generations are also sexual beings.

The cognitive dissonance reaches peak comedy when they give each other advice. Boomers warning about "these dating apps" while forgetting they met their second spouse on Match.com. Gen Z explaining consent and boundaries as if previous generations never figured out how to communicate about sex. Both convinced they're the first to understand that humans enjoy physical pleasure.

3. They're both killing entire industries while blaming others for economic collapse

"Millennials killed chain restaurants!" scream the Boomers who haven't eaten at Applebee's since 2003. "Boomers destroyed the housing market!" rage Gen Z while actively participating in the transformation of entire neighborhoods through their consumer choices. These economic disruptors see themselves as victims of everyone else's economic disruption.

Consider the specifics: Boomers dismantled the pension system (only 15% of private workers have them now, down from 38% in 1979), broke unions (membership fell from 20% to 10% during their prime years), and normalized the gig economy they now bemoan. Meanwhile, Gen Z has helped crater cable subscriptions by 40% since 2010, contributed to 9,000 retail store closures in 2019 alone, and accelerated the death of physical media while lamenting the loss of record stores they never visited.

The lack of self-awareness is staggering. Boomers who flipped houses through the 2000s bubble complain about Blackrock buying properties. Gen Z, whose Amazon orders arrive daily, posts Instagram stories mourning the local bookstore's closure. Each generation revolutionizes entire sectors—Boomers through deregulation and financialization, Gen Z through platform adoption and algorithmic consumption—then acts shocked when the old world disappears.

4. They both communicate exclusively in incomprehensible phrases their own generation pretends to understand

Try to decode a Boomer text message: "LOL........ Hope your doing good........ Tell KAREN I said HI!!!!!!!! 🙂 🙂 :-)" What do the multiple periods mean? Why the random capitalization? Are they actually laughing out loud? No one knows, not even other Boomers, but they all pretend this makes perfect sense.

Try to decode Gen Z slang: "No cap fr fr, that's lowkey giving NPC energy, respectfully. Hits different when it's sus like that, bestie." What percentage of these words mean what they traditionally meant? Are they being ironic? Post-ironic? Meta-ironic? No one knows, not even other Gen Zers, but they all pretend this makes perfect sense.

Both generations have created elaborate linguistic barriers that serve primarily to exclude others while maintaining the illusion of in-group understanding. They mock each other's communication styles while being equally incomprehensible. A Boomer's Facebook post and a Gen Z's TikTok caption are equally unreadable to anyone outside their respective tribes—and honestly, probably to most people inside them too.

5. They're both absolutely convinced they're the first generation to care about social justice

Boomers protested Vietnam, fought for civil rights, launched second-wave feminism, and started the environmental movement, but somehow think "social justice warriors" are a new invention. Gen Z posts infographics, organizes on social media, and advocates for change, but somehow thinks they invented activism. Each believes they're the first to notice injustice and the only ones doing anything about it.

The parallels are uncanny—and recent events prove it. January 6th had Boomers storming the Capitol for their cause; 2020 had Gen Z in the streets for BLM. Boomers did sit-ins at Woolworth's lunch counters; Gen Z does die-ins at climate protests. Boomers had Students for a Democratic Society; Gen Z has Sunrise Movement. The Stonewall generation thinks Pride started with them; the generation that gave us 37 gender identities thinks they invented queerness.

Watch them argue about activism and you'll see two groups who fundamentally agree on most issues but can't stop fighting about who cares more correctly. A 68-year-old who marched with MLK dismisses young climate activists as performative. A 21-year-old who organized mutual aid during COVID dismisses Boomer feminists as outdated. They're using identical tactics, fighting remarkably similar battles, each convinced the other doesn't understand oppression.

6. They both love to tell everyone else how to live while being absolutely chaotic in their own choices

Boomers will lecture you about financial responsibility while being the most divorced, bankrupted, refinanced generation in history. They'll tell you about the importance of stability while being on their third career, fourth marriage, and fifth mortgage. They give advice about planning for the future despite the fact that their entire generation's retirement plan seems to be "work until death or win the lottery."

Gen Z will lecture you about mental health while posting through their breakdowns at 3 AM. They'll explain the importance of boundaries while oversharing every trauma to 10,000 strangers online. They give advice about authenticity and self-care while filtering their photos beyond recognition and maintaining schedules that would hospitalize a Marine.

The wisdom-dispensing continues despite evidence to the contrary. The 70-year-old giving marriage advice has been divorced twice. The 22-year-old life coach has never held a job longer than six months. The Boomer financial advisor declared bankruptcy in 2009. The Gen Z wellness influencer subsists entirely on iced coffee and prescription Adderall. Everyone's an expert on lives they're not successfully living themselves.

7. They're both nostalgic for a past that never existed

Boomers romanticize the '50s and '60s as a golden age of prosperity and values, conveniently forgetting the racism, sexism, environmental destruction, and constant threat of nuclear annihilation. They remember childhood as pure and innocent, neighborhoods as safe and connected, forgetting that their parents were day-drinking, smoking everywhere, and letting them ride in cars without seatbelts. Now they spend thousands on classic muscle cars and vinyl records, trying to buy their way back to a time that exists only in sepia-toned memory.

Gen Z romanticizes the '90s and early 2000s—a time many of them weren't even alive for—as a golden age of authenticity before social media, conveniently forgetting 9/11, the Iraq War, and the fact that everyone was still performing identity, just without Instagram. They're buying film cameras ($300 for what their parents threw away), vintage band tees ($80 for a Nirvana shirt from Urban Outfitters), and flip phones (but keeping their iPhones, obviously). They imagine a past where people were "more real," documented ironically through heavily filtered "digital camera" apps that simulate the low quality of 2004.

These parallel nostalgias manifest in identical behaviors: hoarding "authentic" artifacts from imagined better times, creating elaborate fantasies about eras they either don't remember accurately or never experienced, using nostalgia as a weapon against a present they find disappointing. The Boomer's "Make America Great Again" and Gen Z's "I was born in the wrong generation" are the same escapist impulse in different fonts.

8. They both claim to hate labels while obsessively labeling everything

Boomers complain about "everyone needing a label these days" while dividing the world into elaborate categories: real Americans versus coastal elites, makers versus takers, patriots versus snowflakes. They claim to judge people as individuals while immediately sorting everyone into generational categories that supposedly determine everything about them.

Gen Z complains about being put in boxes while creating increasingly specific micro-identities for every aspect of existence: cottage-core versus dark academia, different "types" of empaths, thirty-seven varieties of introvert. They claim to reject traditional categories while creating new taxonomies for every possible human characteristic.

The labeling continues relentlessly. Boomers have their Myers-Briggs (they're always ENTJs in their minds), Gen Z has their astrology (mercury is always in retrograde). Boomers categorize by profession and zip code, Gen Z by aesthetic and attachment style. One generation uses Fox News categories, the other TikTok taxonomies. They want the comfort of categories for themselves and the freedom of individuality from others. These compulsive categorizers use labels as weapons and shields while denying they're doing exactly that.

Final thoughts

The truth that neither generation wants to hear is that they're both right about each other and wrong about themselves. Yes, Boomers are often hypocritical, tech-addicted, and out of touch. Yes, Gen Z is often self-absorbed, overly sensitive, and performatively enlightened. The reason they can see each other's flaws so clearly is that they're looking in a mirror.

The very things that make Boomers and Gen Z clash are the things that make them identical: they're both generations defined by disruption, by technological transformation, by economic uncertainty. They're both trying to assert relevance in a world that seems to be moving past them. They're both convinced they're the main character in a story that's actually about everyone.

The beautiful irony is that their mutual irritation proves their similarity. You can only be truly annoyed by people who remind you of yourself. The reason Boomers and Gen Z drive each other crazy isn't because they're so different—it's because they're the same people at different points on the same journey, using different filters but taking essentially the same selfie.

Maybe if they could see past the aesthetic differences—beyond the Facebook versus TikTok, the phone calls versus texts, the different slang for the same anxieties—they'd recognize each other. They're both generations doing their best with the tools they were given, making the same mistakes in different fonts, fighting the same battles with different weapons. They're proof that the more things change, the more they stay exactly, infuriatingly, perfectly the same.