"Drive safe" might be their version of "I love you"—here's how to decode the language of people who care deeply but can't say it directly.
My father never said "I love you." Not once in forty years. Instead, he'd call to ask if I'd checked my tire pressure. He'd forward articles about retirement planning. He'd show up unannounced to fix things I hadn't realized were broken. The night before he died, his last words to me were, "Drive safe. It's supposed to rain."
Some people's love comes out sideways—deflected through worry, disguised as criticism, buried under practicality. They feel it deeply but can't speak it directly, so it leaks out in code that often gets misread as indifference or control.
Many people, particularly those raised in emotionally reserved environments, literally lack the vocabulary for direct emotional expression. Their love gets lost in translation, creating painful disconnects between what they feel and what others receive.
Here are eight phrases that often mask unexpressed love—and how to translate them into something both parties can understand.
1) "Drive safe" / "Text me when you get home"
This is love expressed as anxiety. They can't say "I love you," so they say "I worry about you," which feels safer, less vulnerable. They're expressing care through concern, turning affection into logistics.
What to say instead: "I care about you and want you to be safe. It makes me happy knowing you're okay."
What to do: Send that text when you arrive. Recognize their worry as love. When they say "drive safe," hear "you're precious to me." Respond to the emotion beneath the instruction.
2) "You should really..." / "Why don't you just..."
Unsolicited advice is often love wearing a disguise. They can't bear to see you struggle, so they offer solutions instead of support. They're trying to love you through logistics, to care for you through control.
What to say instead: "It's hard for me to see you struggling. How can I support you?" or "I have some thoughts if you'd like to hear them, but I'm here regardless."
What to do: Before offering advice, ask: "Do you want suggestions or just someone to listen?" Recognize that sometimes love means letting people find their own solutions.
3) "I'm fine" / "Don't worry about me"
This is protective love—they're shielding you from their pain because they prioritize your peace over their need for support. They've confused love with self-sacrifice, strength with silence.
What to say instead: "I'm struggling with something, and I could use your support. It would help me to share this with you."
What to do: Understand that sharing struggles is intimacy, not burden. Let people who love you actually love you by including them in your full experience, not just your highlight reel.
4) "That's not how I would do it"
What they're really saying: "I want to share my experience to protect you from mistakes I've made."
Criticism disguised as care. They're trying to love you through correction, to show affection through improvement. They learned that love means making someone better, not accepting them as they are.
What to say instead: "I had a different experience with that. Would you like to hear about it?" or simply "I trust your judgment."
What to do: Separate the intention from the impact. They mean to help but need to learn that validation often helps more than advice.
5) "I was just joking" / "Don't be so sensitive"
They use jokes as emotional armor, sarcasm as a safe distance from vulnerability. When things get too real, they retreat into humor because sincerity feels dangerous.
What to say instead: "I care about you and didn't mean to hurt your feelings. Let me try to say what I really mean."
What to do: Create safety for sincerity. When they deflect with humor, gently redirect: "I know you're joking, but how do you really feel?" Show them that vulnerability won't be punished.
6) "I'm not good at this stuff"
This is defeated love—they've tried and failed to express themselves and now feel inadequate. They're warning you not to expect emotional fluency they can't provide.
What to say instead: "I'm still learning how to express my feelings. Be patient with me, but know that I care deeply."
What to do: Teach them your love language by example. Appreciate their attempts, however clumsy. Recognize effort even when execution fails.
7) "You know how I feel"
They assume love is evident in their actions, that words are redundant. They're often genuinely confused when others need verbal confirmation of what seems obvious to them.
What to say instead: "I know I don't say it enough, but I love you and appreciate you."
What to do: Don't assume. Make the implicit explicit. Even if you "know," hearing it matters. Model the expression you want to receive.
8) Nothing at all
Sometimes the most profound love is completely nonverbal. It's the father who silently shovels your driveway. The mother who stocks your favorite foods without asking. The friend who just shows up.
What to say instead: Learn to speak their language while teaching them yours. "I noticed you fixed my fence. That made me feel loved."
What to do: Recent research on love languages confirms that we often miss love that's expressed differently than we expect. Look for love in action, in presence, in consistency.
Final thoughts
Here's what I learned after my father died: love doesn't always sound like love. Sometimes it sounds like weather reports and tire pressure reminders. Sometimes it sounds like criticism or silence. Sometimes it doesn't sound like anything at all.
The tragedy isn't that some people can't express love—it's that we miss the love they're expressing because we're listening for different words. We're waiting for grand declarations while they're quietly performing daily devotions.
If you struggle to express love directly, start small. "I thought about you today." "This reminded me of you." "I'm glad you're in my life." These are bridges between silence and declaration, training wheels for vulnerability.
If you love someone who can't say it, learn their language. Notice how they show care. Acknowledge what you see. "I know you love me when you check my tire pressure." Help them understand that their love is received, even if it arrives in unexpected packages.
The goal isn't to force anyone into uncomfortable expressions but to build bridges between different emotional languages. To help the verbose understand the value of silent service. To help the silent understand the power of spoken affirmation.
My father never said "I love you," but he said it a thousand other ways. I just wish I'd learned to translate sooner, to respond in his language while teaching him mine.
Love gets lost in translation every day. The least we can do is try to become better interpreters.
If You Were a Healing Herb, Which Would You Be?
Each herb holds a unique kind of magic — soothing, awakening, grounding, or clarifying.
This 9-question quiz reveals the healing plant that mirrors your energy right now and what it says about your natural rhythm.
✨ Instant results. Deeply insightful.
