8 modern realities boomers pretend to understand but clearly don't

Watch a boomer confidently explain cryptocurrency at dinner and you'll witness something magnificent: complete conviction paired with spectacular misunderstanding. It's not their fault. They're running Life OS 1965 while trying to interpret 2025's patches. The result? A generation nodding knowingly while secretly googling "what is a blockchain" under the table.

This isn't about intelligence. These people programmed computers with punch cards and sent humans to the moon. But somewhere between "just walk in with your resume" and "why don't you buy a house," they've created an alternate reality where the old rules still apply. They're not wrong about everything—they're just confidently incorrect about surprisingly specific things.

1. How job hunting actually works now

"Just march in there and demand to speak to the manager!" Dad says, like it's 1987 and managers exist in accessible physical locations. He genuinely believes "gumption" matters more than keyword optimization. Meanwhile, the modern job application process involves uploading your resume, manually re-entering everything into boxes, then silence.

They'll suggest calling to "follow up," not realizing you'd have better luck contacting Mars. The hiring manager isn't unlisted—they might not exist. It's probably an algorithm named Derek screening for bachelor's degrees and five years' experience for entry-level positions paying $15 an hour. But sure, Dad, let me just walk in there with my firm handshake.

2. The housing market reality

Your uncle thinks you're financially irresponsible because you rent. He bought his house for $30,000 in 1975—about $170,000 today—so why can't you afford that $750,000 "starter home"? Must be the lattes.

The disconnect: housing prices have outpaced wages by 400% since his day. When boomers say "start small," they mean a three-bedroom with a yard, not a studio where your bed touches your refrigerator. They saved for six months on one salary. You'd need six lifetimes, or one very successful crime spree. But they're convinced it's about your spending habits, not systemic impossibility.

3. Why nobody answers phones anymore

Boomers leave voicemails like they're recording ships' logs. "Hello, this is your mother. It's Tuesday, 2:30 PM. I'm calling from my phone. Call me back." The concept that phone calls are now acts of aggression doesn't compute.

Anyone under 40 treats unexpected calls like air raid sirens. We need three days' notice, a calendar invite, and an agenda. A ringing phone means someone's dead or dying. Otherwise, text. They think we're avoiding them personally. We're avoiding the format. The phone call is dead; boomers are still trying to resuscitate it with voicemails nobody will ever hear.

4. The gig economy isn't a choice

"Kids today hop from job to job, no loyalty!" They think the gig economy represents entrepreneurial spirit and freedom. They picture millennials choosing variety over stability, like we're sampling careers for fun.

Nobody dreams of delivering DoorDash at midnight after teaching all day. That Uber driver with the master's degree isn't "being their own boss"—they're trying to make rent. One job doesn't cover basics anymore. But sure, lecture us about company loyalty while corporations post record profits during "restructuring for efficiency." The gig economy isn't flexibility; it's desperation with better branding.

5. Social media as mandatory infrastructure

They join Facebook and declare themselves "very online," then post seventeen blurry photos of their thumb. They think social media is optional, like bowling leagues, rather than mandatory infrastructure for existing professionally.

LinkedIn isn't networking—it's performative career theater where everyone pretends to be passionate about synergy. Instagram isn't sharing—it's constructing an alternate reality where you meal prep. Twitter isn't conversation—it's gladiatorial combat where context goes to die. They think it's about connecting with friends. It's about maintaining professional visibility while your data gets harvested. But go ahead, post another sunset with "Blessed!"

6. Mental health isn't weakness

"Everyone's depressed these days! We just called it life and got on with it." They think therapy is for crises, not maintenance. Processing trauma before it ruins your life? That's the crisis prevention.

Their generation treated feelings like suspicious packages—best left unopened. They powered through, self-medicated with martinis, and called it strength. Now younger generations actually name their anxiety, set boundaries, and take mental health days, and boomers are baffled. To them, depression means can't-leave-bed catastrophic. They don't recognize the high-functioning variety we're all managing between Zoom calls. "Just think positive" isn't treatment, Karen.

7. Privacy is already dead

Boomers tape over laptop cameras while uploading their DNA to random websites. They think privacy means not oversharing on Facebook, missing that Facebook already knows everything anyway.

They'll avoid online shopping "for security" then hand their credit card to waiters who disappear for ten minutes. "I mentioned shoes and now I see shoe ads! Creepy!" No, Mom, your phone is listening, your TV is watching, and your smart toaster probably knows your sleep schedule. Privacy isn't something you protect anymore—it's something you traded for two-day shipping in 2007.

8. Work-life balance isn't laziness

"Nobody wants to work anymore," says the generation that bought houses on single incomes. They genuinely can't fathom declining overtime or using vacation days. Their math: suffering equals value. Our math: boundaries equal survival.

They worked one job for 40 years and it bought everything—house, car, college, retirement. We work multiple jobs and it buys anxiety medication. When we refuse to answer emails at midnight, they see entitlement. When we protect our mental health over marginal income, they see weakness. Work-life balance isn't laziness—it's recognizing that companies treating you as disposable doesn't deserve your soul. Revolutionary concept, apparently.

Final thoughts

Here's what's actually happening: boomers are navigating 2025 with 1975's user manual. Imagine learning to drive on empty highways, then suddenly facing Tokyo traffic while someone explains Bitcoin from the backseat. That's their daily experience of modern life.

The disconnect isn't generational stubbornness—it's about fundamentally different realities. They inhabited a world where institutions worked, careers were linear, and effort reliably produced results. Their advice—get a degree, work hard, be loyal—was perfect for their reality. It's catastrophic for ours.

The tragedy isn't that they don't understand. It's that they think they do. They apply analog solutions to digital problems, then wonder why younger generations seem so stressed. We're not anxious because we're weak. We're anxious because we're navigating a system they broke while following instructions they wrote.

But explaining that would require a phone call, and nobody's answering those anymore. So we nod politely while they explain how simple everything would be if we just worked harder, spent less, and walked into offices that no longer exist. The gap isn't generational—it's dimensional. We're living in parallel universes, occasionally meeting at holiday dinners to misunderstand each other completely.