7 'proper' etiquette rules boomers insist on that Gen Z finds completely fake and exhausting

Last weekend, I watched my cousin get lectured for texting a thank-you instead of mailing a handwritten note. For a $20 Starbucks gift card. The lecture lasted longer than it would've taken to write the note.

"It's just not proper," her aunt insisted. "What will people think?"

Here's what I think: Most traditional etiquette isn't about being kind or considerate anymore. It's about performing politeness for an audience that's increasingly checked out. And Gen Z? They're done pretending these rituals mean anything.

As etiquette expert Emily Post once said, manners are about "sensitive awareness of the feelings of others." But somehow that's morphed into a rigid set of performances that often ignore everyone's actual feelings.

Here are seven "proper" behaviors that Gen Z sees as exhausting theater.

1. The mandatory physical contact greeting

Remember when COVID made handshakes temporarily extinct? Gen Z was secretly thrilled.

It's not that they're unfriendly. They just don't understand why meeting someone requires touching them. Especially in professional settings where you'd never dream of hugging your coworker but somehow must grab their hand?

"I have to psyche myself up for networking events," one young professional told me. "Not because I'm shy, but because I know I'll have to shake 30 sweaty hands and pretend it's not weird."

The cheek-kissing thing is even worse. Nothing says "professional relationship" like accidentally kissing your boss's ear because you went left when they went right.

For a generation that's mastered the art of showing warmth through carefully selected emojis, mandatory physical greetings feel invasive and unnecessary. A smile and eye contact work just fine.

2. The "ladies first" performance

Watch a group of boomers approach a restaurant door. What follows is a choreographed dance of gender-based positioning that would make a Victorian etiquette coach proud.

Men scrambling to hold doors. Women pretending to be grateful for something they could easily do themselves. Everyone playing roles in a script nobody asked for.

"My boss literally ran ahead of me to grab the door yesterday," one woman told me. "I had to stop walking and wait. It made a two-second process take ten seconds. How is that helpful?"

Modern etiquette has evolved past rigid gender roles. But try explaining that to someone who insists "chivalry isn't dead" while making you wait awkwardly in a doorway.

The real irony? This same generation often struggles with actual gender equality in the workplace. But hey, at least they held the door.

3. Mr. and Mrs. Everything

Quick quiz: When was the last time someone under 30 unironically called their coworker "Mr. Johnson"?

Never. The answer is never.

Yet boomers insist on formal titles in the weirdest contexts. You'll be deep in a casual conversation about weekend plans when suddenly it's "Well, Mrs. Chen, I should let you go."

Mrs. Chen is 28 and has asked you to call her Lisa dozens of times.

In today's American workplace, calling someone you've just met by their first name is perfectly acceptable. This holds especially true where formality barriers have largely dissolved.

Of course, these preferences can vary by culture and region, but the rigid enforcement of titles in casual American workplaces feels particularly outdated. And when you insist on titles after someone's asked you not to use them? That's actually disrespectful.

4. The handwritten thank-you note tyranny

A text arrives instantly. An email lands in seconds. But apparently, genuine gratitude can only be expressed via a note that takes three days to arrive and requires paper and postage.

The truth is, a text or email can absolutely express genuine gratitude. The key is just that—expressing gratitude, not the medium you use.

Tell that to the relatives who act like you've committed a serious breach of protocol for texting "Thank you so much for the birthday money! Just used it for textbooks 📚❤️" instead of finding stationery, stamps, and the nearest post office.

The most ridiculous part? These same people will complain about "kids today" not being grateful while ignoring the instant, heartfelt thanks they received because it came through the wrong medium.

Your gratitude isn't more genuine because you found a mailbox. It's just slower.

5. The "proper" dress code obsession

Picture showing up to a casual backyard barbecue and being told your sundress is "too casual" for an outdoor event where people are eating ribs with their hands.

Welcome to boomer etiquette, where every gathering demands a specific costume.

White after Labor Day? Jeans at a casual dinner? The horror! Yet some boomers react like these choices personally insult their ancestors.

The real kicker? This generation popularized casual Fridays and fought against their own parents' dress codes. But now they're scandalized when someone shows up to a picnic in sneakers instead of loafers.

One Gen Z-er told me about attending a "casual" family gathering where casual apparently meant "business casual but make it festive." She spent more time decoding the dress code than enjoying the event.

6. The last piece paralysis

Picture this: One lonely mozzarella stick remains on a shared appetizer plate. Everyone wants it. Nobody takes it.

For the next 20 minutes, that mozzarella stick becomes the center of an elaborate ritual. "Oh, I couldn't." "Please, you take it." "No, no, I insist."

Meanwhile, it gets cold and eventually thrown away because everyone was too "polite" to eat food that was ordered to be eaten.

The reasonable approach would be to wait briefly for others to speak up, then accept it graciously. But boomer etiquette has transformed this into Olympic-level competitive declining.

Gen Z watches this waste happen and thinks: Someone please just eat the mozzarella stick. It's why we ordered it.

The absurdity peaks when this dance happens with birthday cake—at the birthday person's own party. They can't even eat their own cake without three rounds of "Are you sure nobody else wants it?"

7. The phone call without warning

Nothing says "I don't respect your time" quite like calling someone without warning in 2024.

Boomers defend this: "It's more personal!" "It's faster!" "Back in my day..."

Back in your day, people also couldn't send a quick "Hey, free to talk?" text to check availability first.

"My boss calls me constantly for things that could be a two-sentence email," one designer shared. For Gen Z, unscheduled calls aren't personal—they're presumptuous.

It's not about avoiding conversation. It's about mutual respect for time and mental space. That "quick call" inevitably turns into 20 minutes of small talk before addressing the actual two-minute issue.

Final thoughts

Here's what drives Gen Z crazy about these rules: They're not actually about being considerate. They're about performing consideration in the most visible, inefficient way possible.

Real politeness adapts. It considers what actually makes people comfortable, not what Emily Post decided in 1922. It values everyone's time, space, and preferences equally.

When boomers insist on these outdated rules, they're not preserving civility. They're turning human interaction into dinner theater where everyone knows their lines but nobody enjoys the show.

Good manners should make life smoother, not harder. They should bring people together, not create elaborate barriers between them.

Maybe it's time to admit that some "proper" etiquette is exhausting everyone. The kids aren't rude—they're finished pretending that thank-you notes are more grateful when they're written in cursive.

And honestly? Same.