7 everyday behaviors that secretly lower your confidence (and how to stop)

Confidence doesn’t vanish in one dramatic moment. It leaks away in the small choices we make every day—the things we tolerate, the habits we don’t question, the subtle ways we talk to ourselves.

Over time, these little leaks add up, leaving us wondering why we feel hesitant, second-guessing, or less bold than we want to be.

I’ve wrestled with confidence plenty of times myself. And when I really paid attention, I realized it wasn’t some big failure or rejection that knocked me down—it was the quiet daily behaviors I barely noticed.

The good news is that once you see them, you can stop them. Here are seven of the biggest confidence-killers that often fly under the radar, and what to do instead.

1. Apologizing too much

We’ve all said “sorry” when we weren’t truly sorry—apologizing for speaking up in a meeting, for asking a question, or even for simply existing in someone’s space.

Psychologists say that overapologizing often stems from people-pleasing tendencies or early conditioning where harmony mattered more than honesty.

While “sorry” is a powerful word when it’s genuine, overusing it chips away at your sense of worth. Each unnecessary apology is like telling yourself, “I don’t deserve to take up space.”

The next time you catch yourself about to apologize for something harmless, pause. Replace “Sorry I’m late” with “Thanks for waiting.” Instead of “Sorry, can I ask a question?” try “I have a question.”

Small swaps like this rewire not only how others see you but also how you see yourself.

2. Constantly comparing yourself to others

Here’s a question: how many times a day do you mentally measure yourself against someone else?

Scrolling social media, watching a coworker get praised, or hearing about a friend’s promotion—it’s easy to fall into comparison mode.

But each mental tally leaves you feeling smaller, as if someone else’s win automatically diminishes your worth. Over time, it builds a habit of self-doubt.

Psychologist Leon Festinger’s social comparison theory explains why we do this. We evaluate ourselves in relation to others as a way of finding meaning and direction.

The problem is, when comparisons are constant, they turn toxic. You stop noticing your own growth and focus only on where you “fall short.”

I’ve been guilty of this myself. I once wasted weeks comparing my progress on a project to a friend’s, feeling like I was behind. But when I finally took stock, I realized I’d achieved milestones I couldn’t have imagined a year earlier.

The antidote? Tracking your own wins. Journaling your progress, however small, reminds you of how far you’ve come and shifts the focus back where it belongs: on your own lane.

3. Saying “yes” when you mean “no”

I used to think saying yes was the polite thing to do. Agree to help a coworker, take on another project, attend an event I had no energy for.

The problem? Every yes that went against what I really wanted was a quiet betrayal of myself.

One weekend, I said yes to helping a friend move even though I was exhausted. I showed up tired, cranky, and resentful—not exactly the kind of “help” he wanted.

That was my wake-up call. Saying yes when you mean no doesn’t just deplete your energy—it teaches your subconscious that your needs don’t matter. And nothing drains confidence faster than reinforcing the idea that you can’t stand up for yourself.

Start small. Practice saying no without an essay of excuses: “I can’t this weekend, but thanks for asking.”

Boundaries aren’t walls; they’re guardrails that protect your time, energy, and self-respect. Every time you honor them, you reinforce the belief that your needs matter just as much as anyone else’s.

4. Ignoring your body’s signals

Confidence isn’t just in the mind—it lives in the body.

When you’re hunched over, sleep-deprived, or running on caffeine and adrenaline, your body sends signals that you’re not okay. Ignore those signals long enough, and your mind starts believing the story: “I can’t handle this.”

Think about how you feel when you’ve slept well, moved your body, and eaten something nourishing. You carry yourself differently, don't you? You speak more clearly. You believe in yourself more.

Listening to your body—resting when you’re tired, standing tall instead of slouching, breathing deeply before a presentation—seems small, but it’s foundational. Treating your body as an ally instead of an afterthought gives your confidence a solid ground to stand on.

5. Downplaying your achievements

Have you ever achieved something big and immediately brushed it off? “Oh, it was nothing.” “I just got lucky.”

We think humility makes us likable, but when it turns into dismissing our own achievements, it undermines our confidence.

I remember giving a presentation at work that got rave feedback. Instead of saying “Thank you,” I laughed it off: “Oh, I just threw it together.”

Later, I realized I wasn’t just being modest—I was reinforcing a belief that my hard work wasn’t worthy of recognition.

The more you do this, the more your brain internalizes the idea that your success isn’t real.

The fix? Practice owning your wins. You don’t need to boast, but saying “Thank you, I worked hard on that” is powerful. Each acknowledgment becomes a brick in the foundation of your confidence.

6. Surrounding yourself with negative people

Who you spend time with matters. If you’re surrounded by people who constantly complain, criticize, or make subtle digs at you, it’s nearly impossible to feel confident.

Their negativity seeps into your self-talk until you start doubting yourself even when they’re not around.

I once had a friend who, every time I shared an idea, found a way to poke holes in it. “That sounds risky.” “Do you really think you can pull that off?” At first, I brushed it off as her being “realistic.”

But over time, I realized I was holding back not because I didn’t believe in myself, but because her voice had become my inner critic.

Confidence grows in supportive soil. You don’t need cheerleaders 24/7, but you do need people who believe in your potential and reflect it back to you. If your circle leaves you feeling smaller instead of stronger, it may be time to reevaluate who gets access to your energy.

7. Talking to yourself like an enemy