If you're over 60 and experiencing these 7 symptoms, psychology says you've been in survival mode too long

Ever notice how some people over 60 seem constantly exhausted, even when they're not doing much? Like they're running on fumes from battles fought decades ago?

I was having coffee with a friend's parent last week, and they mentioned feeling perpetually drained despite being retired for five years. "I should be relaxed by now," they said, "but I still feel like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop."

That conversation stuck with me. It reminded me of something I'd been reading about in behavioral psychology journals - how our bodies and minds can get stuck in survival mode long after the actual threats have passed.

If you're over 60 and wondering why you still feel like you're fighting invisible battles, you might be experiencing what psychologists call chronic survival mode. Your nervous system learned to stay on high alert during challenging times, and it never got the memo that it's safe to stand down.

Here are seven signs that might indicate you've been in survival mode for too long.

1. You can't shake that feeling of impending doom

Do you wake up with a knot in your stomach, even on perfectly ordinary mornings? That sense that something bad is about to happen, despite evidence to the contrary?

This hypervigilance made sense when you were juggling kids, career pressures, and financial uncertainties. Your brain learned to scan for threats constantly. But now? That alarm system is still blaring even though the house isn't on fire.

Psychology tells us this is your amygdala - the brain's alarm center - stuck in overdrive. After years of legitimate stressors, it doesn't know how to dial back the warning signals.

You might find yourself checking your bank balance obsessively, even though you're financially stable. Or calling your adult children multiple times a day to make sure they're okay. The threat assessment that once protected you has become a prison of constant worry.

2. Rest feels wrong

Here's a question: When was the last time you sat down without feeling guilty about it?

If you're like many folks who've been in survival mode, relaxation feels almost dangerous. There's this nagging voice saying you should be doing something productive. Always.

My grandmother raised four kids on a teacher's salary, and even now at 82, she can't sit still. Every Saturday she's at the food bank volunteering, not because she has to, but because stillness makes her anxious. "If I stop moving, I feel useless," she told me recently.

This inability to rest isn't laziness in reverse. It's your nervous system's learned response from years of having to stay productive to survive. Whether it was working multiple jobs, managing family crises, or pushing through tough times, your body learned that rest equals vulnerability.

3. Your body holds tension like a vault

Notice your shoulders right now. Are they up near your ears? How about your jaw - is it clenched?

Chronic survival mode turns your body into a storage unit for stress. Those aching shoulders, that persistent back pain, the headaches that won't quit - they're not just aging. They're your muscles holding decades of fight-or-flight tension.

Research in somatic psychology shows that our bodies literally store trauma and stress in our tissues. When you've been bracing for impact for 30 or 40 years, your muscles forget how to fully release.

You might have tried massage, yoga, or stretching, only to find the tension returning within hours. That's because the issue isn't just physical - it's your nervous system still preparing for battles that ended years ago.

4. Small problems feel catastrophic

Does a minor inconvenience like a delayed package or a change in plans send your stress levels through the roof?

When you've been in survival mode, your threat detection system loses its ability to distinguish between actual emergencies and minor annoyances. Everything gets coded as a potential disaster.

This isn't about being dramatic or difficult. Your brain has been trained to see danger everywhere, so a broken dishwasher triggers the same panic response as major life crises once did.

Understanding the psychology behind our reactions helps us respond better. Your overreaction to small problems isn't a character flaw - it's a survival mechanism that needs recalibration.

5. Joy feels suspicious

When good things happen, do you immediately start waiting for the catch? Or feel like celebrating might jinx everything?

This inability to fully embrace positive moments is classic survival mode thinking. You've learned that letting your guard down, even to enjoy something, leaves you vulnerable to the next crisis.

Maybe you finally took that dream vacation but spent the whole time worrying about what might go wrong back home. Or your kids are doing great, but you can't shake the feeling that it's too good to be true.

Psychologists call this "foreboding joy" - the inability to lean into happiness because you're constantly bracing for disappointment. After years of having to stay alert to protect yourself and others, joy feels like a luxury you can't afford.

6. Your sleep is a battlefield

Three AM wake-ups with racing thoughts? Exhausted but wired when bedtime comes? Sleep that never feels restorative no matter how many hours you get?

Survival mode wreaks havoc on sleep patterns. Your body struggles to power down because some part of you is still standing guard, even in the middle of the night.

You might find yourself planning for unlikely scenarios, rehashing old conflicts, or problem-solving issues that don't actually need solving at 3 AM. Your brain is doing nighttime patrols, checking for threats that no longer exist.

That's your sympathetic nervous system refusing to hand over the night shift to its calmer counterpart, the parasympathetic system.

7. Connection feels complicated

Do you find yourself pushing people away when they try to help? Or maintaining surface-level relationships even with those closest to you?

Years in survival mode can make genuine connection feel risky. You've been self-sufficient for so long that vulnerability feels like weakness. Accepting help might mean admitting you're not invincible.

You might have dozens of acquaintances but struggle to let anyone really know you. Or you're the helper in every relationship but uncomfortable receiving support yourself.

This isn't about being antisocial or cold. When you've been in survival mode, letting people in means potentially having more to lose, more to protect, more to worry about. Isolation becomes a misguided form of self-protection.

Wrapping up

I know it's tough to overcome deeply ingrained patterns like these. After all, they were exactly what you needed to get through challenging times. 

Fortunately, neuroplasticity research shows our brains can create new patterns at any age. Those survival responses that once protected you can be gently updated to match your current reality.

Start small. Notice when these patterns show up without judging yourself. Take one deep breath when you feel that familiar tension rising. Give yourself permission to rest for just five minutes without guilt.

You survived. You made it through. Maybe it's time to let your nervous system know it's safe to stand down.