If you catch yourself saying these 7 phrases, disappointment has probably become your baseline expectation

Last week at a coffee shop, I overheard someone say "Why even bother trying?" to their friend. It hit me because I used to say that exact phrase all the time.

When disappointment becomes your default setting, it seeps into your language. You start saying things that reveal you've already given up before you've even started. The words become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

I've been there. After getting rejected from three photography exhibitions in a row, I found myself expecting failure before I even submitted my work. My language changed. My outlook shifted. Everything became about managing disappointment rather than pursuing possibility.

Here's the thing: our words reflect our mindset, and our mindset shapes our reality. If you catch yourself saying these seven phrases regularly, disappointment might have become your baseline expectation.

1. "I knew this would happen"

This phrase is disappointment's calling card. You're not actually psychic. You've just trained yourself to expect the worst.

I used to say this constantly. Missed the bus? "I knew this would happen." Friend canceled plans? "I knew this would happen." The thing is, I didn't actually know. I was just protecting myself from feeling let down by pre-disappointment.

When you say this, you're telling yourself that negative outcomes are inevitable. You're removing any possibility of pleasant surprise from your life. Think about how exhausting that is.

2. "Why even try?"

Remember that person in the coffee shop? This phrase is resignation wrapped in a question.

A few years back, I watched a documentary about factory farming. It changed everything for me. I went vegan overnight. But for the first three years, I was that guy. The preachy one who made every meal a sermon.

When people didn't immediately embrace my message, I started asking "Why even try?" I'd given up on changing minds before actually learning how to communicate effectively.

The phrase reveals you've already decided the outcome. You're not actually asking a question. You're making a statement: "There's no point."

3. "Nothing ever works out for me"

This is the victim's anthem. It's a sweeping generalization that ignores every good thing that's ever happened to you.

Got a job? Found a partner? Made a friend? Learned to ride a bike? All of those things worked out. But when disappointment becomes your baseline, you develop selective memory.

The negativity bias is real, and it's quite strong if left unchecked. Our brains naturally hold onto negative experiences more than positive ones. When you say "nothing ever works out," you're feeding that bias and creating a narrative that simply isn't true.

4. "I'm not surprised"

There's a book I read recently about learned helplessness. It described how people stop reacting when they believe they have no control. This phrase is learned helplessness in action.

When my grandmother cried at Thanksgiving because I wouldn't eat her famous stuffing, my response was "I'm not surprised." I expected conflict. I expected tears. I'd already written the script in my head.

Saying you're not surprised means you've stopped allowing life to actually surprise you. You've decided the plot before the story unfolds.

5. "That's just my luck"

Luck isn't personal. It doesn't know your name or have it out for you specifically.

When I lived in Thailand for six months, I met a street vendor who lost his restaurant in a fire, then built a food cart empire. When I asked about his "bad luck" with the fire, he laughed. "Not bad luck. Just a regular day," he said.

This phrase suggests the universe has assigned you a special category of misfortune. It hasn't. You're experiencing life, with its usual mix of outcomes, but viewing it through disappointment-colored glasses.

6. "It probably won't work anyway"

Do you hear the defeat in this phrase? You're not even giving things a chance.

My partner loves pepperoni pizza with ranch. For five years, I've lived with someone whose favorite food is basically the opposite of my values. Early on, I'd suggest vegan restaurants with "It probably won't work anyway" energy.

Guess what? It didn't work.

When I stopped expecting failure and started finding places we both enjoyed, things changed. The expectation of disappointment was creating the disappointment.

7. "What's the point?"

This might be the most dangerous phrase of all. It's existential disappointment. You're questioning the very meaning of effort itself.

After years of aggressive vegan evangelism, I hit a wall. Nobody was changing. Everyone was annoyed. What was the point?

Then I realized something. Pushing harder makes people resist more. The point wasn't to force change. The point was to live my values and let that speak for itself.

When you ask "What's the point?" you're not looking for an answer. You're declaring that there isn't one. You're choosing meaninglessness.

Wrapping up

Language shapes reality. When these phrases become part of your regular vocabulary, you're programming yourself for disappointment.

The good news? You can reprogram. Start catching yourself. When "Why even try?" bubbles up, pause. Ask yourself: "What if it does work?" When "I'm not surprised" appears, consider: "What if I allowed myself to be surprised?"

Disappointment doesn't have to be your baseline. Sure, things go wrong. Plans fall through. People let you down. But when you expect disappointment, you guarantee it.

Notice your language this week. How often do these phrases show up? Each one is a small surrender, a tiny white flag raised before the battle begins.

You deserve better than a life lived in defensive crouch, waiting for the next letdown. Start with your words. Change those, and watch how your expectations follow.