9 common habits that instantly make you look less confident

Confidence isn’t something you can fake forever.

You might get away with it for a while — a straight back here, a firm handshake there — but the little things always give you away.

The truth is, it’s not the big mistakes that make you seem unsure of yourself. It’s the small habits — the ones you barely notice — that quietly send the message: I’m not comfortable in my own skin.

The good news? Most of them are easy to fix once you become aware of them.

Let’s get into it.

1) Avoiding eye contact

You probably already know this one. But it’s worth repeating because it’s such a strong signal. When you can’t hold someone’s gaze, even for a few seconds, it suggests uncertainty — or worse, dishonesty.

Eye contact is one of those primal cues our brains pick up instantly. It says, “I’m present. I’m trustworthy. I’m comfortable here.”

Of course, you don’t want to stare someone down like a serial killer. Think of it more like a rhythm — make eye contact when you’re speaking and listening, then naturally look away to gather your thoughts.

Here’s something I learned working in hospitality: people remember how you look at them more than what you say. A calm, steady gaze can do more for your presence than the perfect choice of words.

2) Talking too fast

Ever found yourself rambling through a story, words tumbling over each other because you’re afraid of losing the listener’s attention? Yeah, that.

When we speak too quickly, we signal nervousness. It’s as if we’re subconsciously apologizing for taking up someone’s time. Confident people don’t rush their sentences — they know what they’re saying has value.

Slowing down doesn’t just make you sound more self-assured; it also gives your words weight.

Try pausing after key points or when you transition between ideas. It might feel awkward at first, but those pauses create space — and space reads as confidence.

Silence isn’t empty. It’s a tool.

3) Overexplaining everything

If you catch yourself constantly justifying your opinions or decisions, you might be falling into the overexplaining trap.

Maybe you’re worried about being misunderstood or judged, so you add more and more context — until your point gets lost entirely.

But here’s the thing: confident people let their words stand. They don’t scramble to convince everyone they’re right.

I used to do this a lot when I started writing online. Every sentence felt like it needed a backup reason or source. Then I realized — clarity beats overqualification. Say it once, say it well, and move on.

If someone doesn’t agree with you? That’s fine. Your confidence doesn’t depend on universal approval.

4) Using weak language

Pay attention to how often you hedge your words with phrases like “I think,” “maybe,” or “I could be wrong, but…”

Sure, they sound polite — but used too often, they make you seem unsure.

There’s a balance between humility and self-doubt. You can acknowledge other perspectives without constantly undermining your own.

Try this little experiment: for one day, cut out softening phrases when they’re not needed. Replace “I think we should…” with “We should…” or “Let’s…”

It’s a small tweak, but you’ll be surprised how much more decisive you sound — and how differently people respond.

Words shape perception. Speak like someone who means what they say.

5) Poor posture

I know, it’s cliché. But body language speaks volumes — and posture is the loudest of all.

When you slouch, fidget, or keep your shoulders hunched forward, you’re literally shrinking your presence.

Think about the opposite: when someone stands tall, shoulders back, chin slightly lifted, they take up space — not in an arrogant way, but in a grounded, “I belong here” kind of way.

I once worked under a restaurant manager who had an uncanny ability to command a room without raising his voice.

His secret? Posture. He moved like he owned his space — even when carrying a tray of glasses.

If you spend your days at a desk, chances are your posture’s been sabotaged by your chair.

Do a quick check-in right now: straighten your back, open your chest, and take a deep breath. Feel the difference?

6) Constantly checking your phone

You might think you’re being discreet, but people notice when you glance at your screen mid-conversation.

And it’s not just about manners — it sends a subtle message: “This moment isn’t important enough for my full attention.”

Confident people know how to be present. They don’t need the comfort of distraction to fill a pause.

If you catch yourself reaching for your phone out of habit, try leaving it face down or in your bag when you’re with others.

The people who can stay focused in a distracted world? They stand out — and not just because it’s rare.

7) Laughing nervously

We all do this sometimes — laugh when we’re uncomfortable or uncertain. It’s a nervous tic that can instantly undercut your credibility.

Imagine someone telling a story or giving an opinion, but ending every sentence with a nervous chuckle. You’d probably question whether they believe their own words.

This doesn’t mean you should suppress your sense of humor. Authentic laughter builds connection.

But there’s a difference between laughing because something’s funny and laughing because you’re uncomfortable being heard.

The next time you notice yourself doing it, pause and breathe. Silence can feel scary, but it’s more powerful than nervous laughter will ever be.

8) Avoiding decisions

Nothing kills confidence like indecision.

Whether it’s choosing what to eat, what to wear, or which project to start first — constantly deferring choices makes you seem hesitant.

Confident people aren’t always right, but they decide. They understand that progress comes from movement, not perfection.

In my restaurant days, I noticed the best chefs never lingered over choices. They decided fast — plate design, seasoning, timing — and if something didn’t work, they adjusted.

The hesitation was always worse than the mistake.

If you struggle with decision-making, try setting a “two-minute rule.” For small things, give yourself two minutes to choose and commit. It’s a surprisingly effective way to train decisiveness.

9) Apologizing too much

And finally — because it’s one of the most common habits of all — stop apologizing for things that don’t deserve an apology.

There’s a big difference between being polite and being self-effacing.

Saying “sorry” when you’ve done something wrong is mature. But saying it because someone bumped you? That’s conditioning, not confidence.

Women, in particular, are socialized to do this more often, but I’ve seen it in plenty of men too. It’s a linguistic reflex — one that signals, “Please don’t be mad at me,” even when no one is.

Instead of defaulting to “sorry,” try “thanks.”

For example, “Sorry I’m late” becomes “Thanks for waiting.” It shifts the tone from guilt to gratitude — and that tiny difference can change how people perceive you (and how you perceive yourself).

The bottom line

Confidence isn’t about being loud, dominant, or always having the perfect comeback. It’s about being comfortable in your own skin — calm, steady, and self-assured.

The habits that make you seem less confident are often the same ones that come from a good place: wanting to be polite, accommodating, or well-liked.

But taken too far, they erode your presence and make you seem smaller than you are.

The goal isn’t to perform confidence — it’s to practice it.

Start noticing these little habits in your day-to-day interactions. Awareness alone begins to change behavior.

And over time, you’ll find that real confidence doesn’t come from trying harder. It comes from trusting yourself a little more each day.