If you were taught these 5 things growing up, your parents were more intelligent than most

Have you ever looked back on your childhood and realized just how many of your habits were shaped by what your parents did (or didn’t) teach you?

I think about this a lot.

As I’ve gotten older—and hopefully, a little wiser—I’ve started to see that some of the most valuable life lessons aren’t taught in schools or textbooks. They’re instilled early, often quietly, by the people raising us.

I’m not talking about pushing for straight A’s or signing kids up for every extracurricular under the sun. I’m talking about the subtle but powerful principles that build resilience, confidence, emotional intelligence, and critical thinking—skills that make a lasting difference.

If your parents passed these five things on to you, count yourself lucky. It means they were doing something most don’t.

1. They made you follow consistent rules (even when you hated it)

Remember being the only kid who had to be home by 9 PM while everyone else got to stay out later? Or having parents who actually followed through on consequences when you broke the rules?

It probably felt unfair at the time, but your parents were onto something important.

Kids whose parents set clear rules but are also warm and supportive tend to do better in school than those with other parenting styles. The key wasn't just having rules - it was having parents who enforced them consistently while still showing love and understanding.

This approach taught you something invaluable: boundaries aren't punishment, they're safety nets. You learned that actions have consequences, but also that someone cared enough about you to guide your choices when you couldn't see the bigger picture yourself.

2. They talked to you constantly (and made you talk back)

Did your parents ask endless questions about your day? Make you explain your thoughts during dinner conversations? Insist you use your words instead of just grunting when they asked how school went?

You probably rolled your eyes at all that forced conversation, but they were doing something crucial for your development.

Those dinner table debates about current events, the car rides where they made you describe your favorite book, even being forced to call the pizza place yourself to place an order - all of it was building your ability to think clearly and express yourself confidently.

The gift wasn't just vocabulary; it was teaching you that your thoughts and opinions mattered enough to be heard.

3. They praised your effort, not how "smart" you were

Think back to report card time or when you brought home a good test score. Did your parents say "You're so smart!" or did they focus on how hard you studied and the strategies you used?

If it was the latter, your parents were way ahead of their time.

Studies show that telling kids they're "smart" can actually backfire and hurt their motivation, while praising their effort and hard work helps them succeed. While other parents were inflating their kids' egos with intelligence praise, yours were building something much more valuable: resilience.

When you inevitably hit a challenging math problem or struggled with a subject, you didn't think "I guess I'm not smart enough." Instead, you thought "I need to try a different approach" or "I should study harder."

This mindset probably felt less exciting than being called a genius, but it gave you something better - the belief that you could improve at anything through effort. That's a lesson that pays dividends long after school ends.

4. They helped you name your feelings when you were upset

When you were having a meltdown as a kid, did your parents sit with you and say things like "You seem really frustrated right now" or "I can see you're disappointed about this"?

Maybe it felt patronizing at the time - like they were stating the obvious when you just wanted to be mad. But they were teaching you emotional intelligence in real time.

When kids are upset, helping them put words to their emotions (like saying "you seem frustrated") actually helps them calm down and learn to handle their feelings better as noted by Daniel J. Siegel, MD.

I remember thinking my mom was being annoying when she'd narrate my emotions during arguments. Now I realize she was giving me a superpower: the ability to recognize and process difficult feelings instead of just drowning in them.

This skill shows up everywhere as an adult - in relationships, at work, during stressful situations. You learned that feelings aren't the enemy; they're information.

5. They enforced a consistent bedtime routine (no matter how much you protested)

Were you one of those kids who had to be in bed by a certain time every night, with the same routine of brushing teeth, reading, and lights out? Did your parents stick to this schedule even on weekends or when you begged for "just five more minutes"?

You probably thought they were being unnecessarily strict, especially when you heard about friends who got to stay up as late as they wanted.

But your parents understood something that research has now confirmed: Kids who go to bed at the same time every night and have a consistent bedtime routine are better at controlling their emotions and getting along with others, especially when things get stressful.

That predictable routine wasn't about controlling you - it was about giving your developing brain the structure it needed to function at its best. You learned to wind down, to transition between activities, and to prioritize rest even when it wasn't the most exciting option.

Now when life gets chaotic, you probably still find comfort in routines and understand the value of good sleep. That's your parents' wisdom still working.

The bigger picture

If you recognize your upbringing in these points, take a moment to appreciate what your parents got right.

They were probably swimming against cultural currents, ignoring pressure to be the "cool parents," and trusting that consistency would pay off in the long run.

And if you're a parent yourself now? You don't have to reinvent the wheel. Sometimes the most intelligent parenting looks surprisingly simple - it's just harder to stick with than it appears.

The research keeps catching up to what thoughtful parents have always known: kids don't need perfection, they need presence, consistency, and parents brave enough to do the hard work of actually parenting.