I've witnessed the shocking behaviors that instantly expose who has real class versus who's just pretending—and the differences have nothing to do with the size of their bank accounts.
After spending over a decade in fine dining, I've seen billionaires who could buy the entire restaurant chain act with more grace than trust fund kids trying to impress their dates.
The difference? Real class isn't about money. It's about understanding that every interaction leaves an impression.
During my years organizing charity galas and serving ultra-wealthy families at high-end resorts, I learned something crucial: the guests who commanded genuine respect weren't necessarily the ones with the biggest bank accounts. They were the ones who understood the unwritten rules of fine dining etiquette.
Want to know what separates truly classy diners from those who just think they are? Well, here are the behaviors I never saw from guests who actually had class.
1. They never snap their fingers at staff
This one still makes me cringe.
I once watched a guest snap his fingers at a server like she was a trained seal. The entire dining room went quiet. Even his dinner companions looked mortified.
Here's what classy guests understand: restaurant staff are professionals, not servants. A simple raised hand or brief eye contact works perfectly. The most sophisticated diners I served would catch my eye with a subtle gesture or wait for me to approach naturally.
Think about it this way. Would you snap your fingers at your doctor or lawyer to get their attention? Probably not. So why would you do it to someone handling your food?
2. They never pretend to know more about wine than they do
"Ah yes, I detect notes of... elderflower and... crushed limestone?"
Dude, it's a $50 Pinot Grigio, not a chemistry experiment.
The truly wealthy clients I served? They'd simply say what they liked. "I prefer something light and crisp" or "What would you recommend with the fish?" No pretense, no performance.
I remember one billionaire tech founder who regularly dined at our restaurant. His go-to line? "I don't know much about wine, but I trust your judgment." The sommeliers loved him because he let them do their job without the theatrics.
3. They never make excessive modifications to dishes
Can you hold the sauce, add extra vegetables, cook it differently, substitute three ingredients, and basically create an entirely new dish?
Look, I get it. We all have preferences. But when you're dining at a place where the chef has spent years perfecting each dish, asking for major modifications is like asking Picasso to make his paintings "a bit more realistic."
Classy diners understand that fine dining is about experiencing the chef's vision. They might ask about ingredients due to allergies, sure. But they don't try to redesign the menu.
One regular at our spot put it perfectly: "If I wanted it my way, I'd cook at home."
4. They never treat the restaurant like their office
Ever seen someone spread laptop, papers, and three phones across a table meant for romantic dinners?
During my years in luxury hospitality, I noticed something interesting. The real power players kept business brief. A quiet phone call in the lobby? Sure. But they understood that fine dining establishments are about the experience, not just expensive office space with food service.
The classiest guests treated meals as events worth their full attention. They understood that constantly being "on" actually makes you look less important, not more.
5. They never argue about the bill in front of everyone
"No, I insist!" "Absolutely not, this is on me!" Back and forth, back and forth, while everyone else at the table shifts uncomfortably.
Want to know how classy people handle the check? They sort it out beforehand. They'll discreetly hand over a card when arriving, or excuse themselves to "use the restroom" and handle payment privately.
I've organized dinners for some serious high-rollers, and the smoothest ones never made paying a performance. Money talk stayed invisible.
6. They never name-drop to get better service
"Do you know who I am?" or "I'm friends with the owner" are phrases that immediately signal you're neither important nor friends with anyone.
The actually influential people I served? They never mentioned their status. They didn't need to. They got exceptional service by being exceptional guests.
There was this entertainment industry executive who dined with us monthly. Staff only learned who she was after six months when someone else recognized her. She never once pulled rank. That's class.
7. They never ignore the dress code
Showing up in flip-flops and a tank top to a place with a jacket requirement isn't "keeping it real." It's disrespectful.
The dress code isn't about exclusion. It's about creating an atmosphere. When you ignore it, you're basically saying your comfort matters more than everyone else's experience.
8. They never complain just to get free stuff
If something's genuinely wrong, they mention it quietly and give the restaurant a chance to fix it. They don't make scenes, post immediate bad reviews, or demand the manager every time their water glass is empty.
I watched truly wealthy individuals handle legitimate service failures with such grace that staff would bend over backwards to make things right. Not because they demanded it, but because they deserved it.
9. They never forget that other diners exist
Loud phone conversations, children running between tables, or basically treating the restaurant like your personal dining room? Not classy.
The sophisticated guests I served understood that part of fine dining's appeal is the atmosphere. They kept conversations at appropriate volumes, managed their children (or got sitters), and remained aware of their impact on others' experiences.
Privacy was huge for my high-profile clients, and they extended that same courtesy to everyone else.
10. They never stiff on the tip
Finally, here's the ultimate test of class: how you treat people when the meal is over.
In all my years serving ultra-wealthy families, the classiest ones understood that tipping isn't charity. It's part of the dining economy. They tipped appropriately regardless of their personal wealth, understanding that many staff members depend on this income.
One thing that always stood out? The guests who treated staff best often weren't the flashiest spenders. They were the ones who understood that respect costs nothing but means everything.
Final thoughts
After transitioning out of luxury hospitality, I've eaten at plenty of fine dining establishments as a guest. The view from the other side of the table only reinforced what I learned during those years of service.
True class isn't performative. It's not about showing off your wine knowledge, your connections, or your black card. It's about moving through spaces with awareness and respect for everyone involved in creating your experience.
The genuinely classy people I served understood something fundamental: in fine dining, you're not just paying for food. You're participating in a carefully choreographed experience that involves dozens of professionals. When you respect that, when you play your part with grace, that's when dining becomes more than just an expensive meal.
Just launched: Laughing in the Face of Chaos by Rudá Iandê
Exhausted from trying to hold it all together?
You show up. You smile. You say the right things. But under the surface, something’s tightening. Maybe you don’t want to “stay positive” anymore. Maybe you’re done pretending everything’s fine.
This book is your permission slip to stop performing. To understand chaos at its root and all of your emotional layers.
In Laughing in the Face of Chaos, Brazilian shaman Rudá Iandê brings over 30 years of deep, one-on-one work helping people untangle from the roles they’ve been stuck in—so they can return to something real. He exposes the quiet pressure to be good, be successful, be spiritual—and shows how freedom often lives on the other side of that pressure.
This isn’t a book about becoming your best self. It’s about becoming your real self.
