5 subtle ways truly influential people command respect

A few weeks back, I bumped into my old mentor from my music blogging days at a coffee shop. 

We hadn't spoken in years, but within minutes of our conversation, I was reminded of why he'd been so influential in shaping my early career. It wasn't his credentials or his connections that commanded respect – though he had plenty of both.

It was something more subtle. The way he remembered details about my life, how he asked questions that made me think deeper, and his genuine curiosity about what I was working on now.

Walking away from that conversation, I started thinking about what separates truly influential people from those who simply hold titles or have loud voices. The most respected individuals don't demand attention – they earn it through quiet, consistent behaviors that draw people in.

Here are five subtle ways I've noticed they do it.

1. They remember the small details

Ever notice how some people have this uncanny ability to remember what you mentioned in passing months ago?

My mentor asked about a photography project I'd briefly mentioned in an email years back. That small gesture immediately made me feel valued and heard.

When you remember that your colleague's kid just started college or that your friend was nervous about a job interview, you're showing that they matter enough for you to hold space for their life in your mind.

This isn't about having a perfect memory. It's about paying attention when people share and making the effort to follow up. People respect those who see them as whole humans, not just functional relationships.

2. They listen more than they speak

Have you ever left a conversation feeling energized, only to realize the other person barely said anything about themselves?

That's the magic of people who truly understand the power of listening. As Epictetus put it, "We have two ears and one mouth, so we should listen twice as much as we speak". 

I've noticed this pattern repeatedly in my dealings with successful entrepreneurs and researchers. The most influential ones ask follow-up questions. They pause before responding. They resist the urge to immediately share their own similar experience.

It's counterintuitive in our attention-seeking world, but people who make others feel heard naturally command respect. When someone gives you their full attention – not the half-listening while checking their phone kind – it feels rare and valuable.

The key isn't just staying quiet. It's actively engaging with what someone is saying, asking clarifying questions, and showing genuine curiosity about their perspective.

3. They show genuine interest in others

As legendary author Dale Carnegie observed, "You can make more friends in two months by being interested in other people than in two years by trying to get other people interested in you". 

I learned this lesson the hard way during my early music blogging days. I'd show up to industry events focused on promoting my own work, pitching my latest piece to anyone who'd listen. The response was always lukewarm at best.

Everything changed when I started asking musicians about their creative process, their influences, what challenges they were facing. Suddenly, doors opened that I hadn't even known existed.

Influential people understand that everyone has something interesting about them – a unique perspective, an unexpected hobby, a fascinating challenge they're working through. They ask about your projects not because they want something from you, but because they're genuinely curious about what makes you tick.

4. They admit when they don't know something

How often do you hear someone in a position of authority say "I don't know" or "I was wrong about that"?

It's rarer than it should be, which is exactly why it's so powerful when it happens.

As Brené Brown notes, "Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity. It is the source of hope, empathy, accountability, and authenticity".

I've seen this play out countless times in my writing career. The editors and thought leaders I respect most are the ones who'll openly change their stance when presented with new research, or admit when they're out of their depth on a topic.

There's something disarming about intellectual humility. When someone acknowledges their limitations, it doesn't make them seem weak – it makes them seem trustworthy and human.

Most people can smell fake expertise from a mile away. But when someone says "That's not my area, but let me connect you with someone who knows more," they instantly gain credibility.

5. They follow through on small commitments

Want to know the fastest way to lose respect? Promise something small and then forget about it.

The most influential people I know treat a casual "I'll send you that article" with the same importance as a major business commitment. It sounds minor, but think about how it feels when someone actually follows through on those throwaway promises versus when they don't.

Last month, someone I'd just met at a networking event mentioned they'd email me a book recommendation. Most people would forget within hours. But sure enough, the email showed up the next morning with not just the book title, but a thoughtful note about why they thought I'd find it interesting.

That small action told me everything I needed to know about their character and reliability.

I've mentioned this before, but consistency in small things builds trust for big things. When people see you honor minor commitments, they naturally assume you'll handle major ones with equal care.

It's not about being perfect – it's about building a reputation where your word actually means something.

The bottom line

That coffee shop conversation with my mentor stuck with me for a reason.

He didn't need to remind me of his accomplishments or drop names to command respect. He earned it through these quiet, consistent behaviors that made me feel genuinely valued.

The beautiful thing about influence built this way? It's sustainable. It doesn't require you to be the smartest person in the room or have the most impressive resume. It just requires you to show up authentically and treat people like they matter.