8 compliments people over 70 appreciate because they don’t feel like pity

Last week at the grocery store, I watched a well-meaning young woman rush to help an elderly gentleman with his shopping cart. "Here, let me get that for you, sweetie," she cooed in that particular tone we reserve for toddlers and puppies. The man's shoulders sagged just a little, and I recognized that familiar look of resignation. Compare that to the barista at my local coffee shop who greets the same gentleman every morning with, "Your latte art is getting better than mine, Harold. Are you secretly taking classes?"

The difference? One compliment diminishes, while the other celebrates.

After spending decades observing human interactions, first in my classroom and now in the wider world, I've noticed that genuine compliments for older adults have become increasingly rare.

We've somehow decided that aging means we need constant reassurance about our basic competence rather than recognition for who we actually are. But here's what I've learned: people over 70 don't want your sympathy wrapped in false praise. They want to be seen for the complex, capable individuals they remain.

1) "Your perspective on this is fascinating"

When someone genuinely values your viewpoint, it's like opening a window in a stuffy room. Last month, during one of my tutoring sessions at the community center, a younger volunteer asked me about teaching methods for reluctant readers. Not because I was old and needed to feel useful, but because I had three decades of experience she genuinely wanted to tap into.

This compliment works because it acknowledges that accumulated wisdom isn't just about age; it's about having observed patterns, made connections, and developed insights that only come from paying attention over time. When you tell someone their perspective fascinates you, you're saying their mind still sparks with relevance and their thoughts matter in present-tense conversations.

2) "You have such great style"

Virginia Woolf once wrote, "Vain trifles as they seem, clothes have, they say, more important offices than to merely keep us warm." How right she was. Complimenting someone's style acknowledges their ongoing engagement with self-expression and personal identity. It recognizes that getting dressed each morning remains an act of creativity and self-care, not just necessity.

A friend recently told me she loved how I paired vintage brooches with modern scarves. She didn't say "You look good for your age" or "You're still trying!" She simply appreciated my aesthetic choices. That distinction matters more than you might think.

3) "Your garden/home/project shows real skill"

Have you ever noticed how we praise older adults for simply maintaining things rather than creating or excelling at them? "Good for you, still gardening!" feels hollow compared to "Your tomatoes are the best I've ever tasted. What's your secret?"

Recognition of skill and mastery never gets old. Whether someone has been perfecting their sourdough starter for forty years or just learned to paint watercolors last Tuesday, acknowledging their competence and creativity affirms that growth and achievement don't have expiration dates.

4) "You make this look effortless"

There's something powerful about recognizing grace under pressure or ease in complexity. When you tell someone they make something look effortless, you're acknowledging both their competence and their elegance in executing it. This could apply to anything from parallel parking to hosting dinner parties to managing technology.

I remember teaching a particularly challenging Shakespeare unit, and a colleague observed that I handled the students' resistance with such ease. She didn't know about the years of trial and error behind that apparent effortlessness, but her recognition of the skill itself, not my age or experience, made the compliment genuine.

5) "I always learn something new when we talk"

This compliment positions the older adult as teacher and contributor rather than recipient of patience or charity. It suggests an exchange of equals where both parties benefit. During my Sunday calls with my daughter, she often mentions learning something new from our conversations. Not life lessons or ancient wisdom, but current observations, fresh connections, and evolving thoughts.

The beauty of this compliment lies in its present-tense nature. You're not mining the past for nostalgic stories; you're engaging with an active, thinking person whose brain continues to make interesting connections.

6) "Your energy is contagious"

"Energy" doesn't mean bouncing off walls or running marathons. It means engagement, enthusiasm, and presence. When you compliment someone's energy, you're recognizing their vital force, their continued investment in life and activities.

One of my literacy students, a woman in her seventies learning to read for the first time, brings such determination and joy to our sessions that I find myself more energized afterward. When I told her this, her face lit up in a way that suggested she hadn't been seen as a source of energy in quite some time.

7) "You have a wonderful sense of humor"

Aristotle called wit "educated insolence," and I've found that a sharp sense of humor often sharpens with age rather than dulls. Recognizing someone's humor acknowledges their quick thinking, their ability to see absurdity, and their gift for bringing lightness to situations.

The key here is responding to their actual humor, not patting them on the head for "still being funny" or "keeping their sense of humor." Laugh at their jokes because they're genuinely funny, not because you're surprised an older person made them.

8) "You inspire me to try new things"

Perhaps the most powerful compliment you can give anyone, regardless of age, is that they inspire you. But for older adults, who are often seen as being in life's final chapter rather than writing new ones, this recognition of their ongoing influence and impact resonates deeply.

When you tell someone they inspire you to try new things, you're acknowledging them as a model of continued growth and adventure. You're seeing them as someone still actively engaging with life rather than simply enduring it.

Final thoughts

The thread connecting all these compliments is simple: they recognize the person as they are now, not as a shadow of who they used to be or a brave soldier fighting against time. They acknowledge competence, creativity, wisdom, and vitality without the patronizing undertone of surprise that these qualities still exist.

Next time you interact with someone over 70, resist the urge to grade on a curve. Don't compliment them for doing basic human activities or maintaining standard capabilities. Instead, look for what genuinely impresses, interests, or delights you about them as individuals. Trust me, they can tell the difference between real appreciation and participation trophies, and they've earned better than the latter.